Pages, Swords and Pointed Lessons

It’s that time again; a new month and time to check in with my reading for this year. The Page of Swords was my card for August. 

As I’ve mentioned a few times, Swords is the suit that represents our mind and whatever goes on up there; logic, thought, understanding, truths, communication, etc.

Rider Waite Smith Tarot
Public Domain

The Pages are part of a subset of Tarot cards collectively referred to as the Court Cards. Within the Court, we have four ranks; Pages, Knights, Queens and Kings. Each rank represents an age range and with age comes life experience which in turn brings more mature wisdom. Therefore, Pages are the least wise while the Kings and Queens are the most wise. 

The Page of Swords is learning to identify their truths, how to reason, to determine fact from fiction and also how to express their ideas and perhaps even when to hold back from expressing them. Being young, the Page is still eager to learn and therefore can likely make some mistakes along the way. If the entire suit represents the mind and all the activity that goes on in our heads, then the sword itself represents the individual thought. In the Rider Waite Smith Tarot, we see the young Page posing as if ready to swing his sword. So, this would suggest the Page is ready to cut through to the heart of the matter or say what is on their mind.

In the Grimalkin Tarot, by MJ Cullinane, which I used for this year's reading, we see a kitten discovering the power of its voice. It's calling out for someone to listen, to pay attention to it. The swallows represent making swift decisions, the dove represents a pure heart and integrity. So, the Page of Swords is learning to speak with a pure heart and integrity.

Grimalkin Tarot
(C) 2020 MJ Cullinane

I truly felt the energy of the Page this month.

I don’t believe we are post-pandemic nor even close, but with things beginning to open up, I stepped way out of my pandemic-induced comfort zone this past month. I mean I stepped waaaaaaaaaaay out of my comfort zone. I stepped so far out of it, I ended up 1,960 miles away.

I visited my mother. In Georgia. Rural Georgia.

Now, I must say, my mother and I are close. Even if our politics are different. She was the only member of my family who initially stood by me when I came out to them. She has been supportive of me and my partners. She cried when my first partner died saying she felt like she’d lost a son-in-law. She was a long distance shoulder to cry on when my second partner divorced me. So, just visiting her doesn’t trigger any anxiety. Or, it hadn’t in the past. 

This is where stress and anxiety have begun to creep into my visits. It’s about how we express our differences. She has always suggested we should not mention or discuss them so as not to start an argument.

Easier said than done.

It had been two years since my last visit, mostly due to the pandemic and travel restrictions; plus, my own travel anxiety. I am somewhat empathic and avoid crowds. It’s hard to avoid crowds in an airport let alone in an airplane. The more I open up to my spiritual Self, the more anxious I tend to get around crowds. Unfortunately, the airlines frown against burning sage on the plane itself. So, I do a few ritual exercises before I know that I have to face a crowd and I carry both an amethyst and either obsidian or onyx crystal with me which help, if only for something tactile to hold. Shielding myself with golden light to keep the bad vibes away also helps.

They say that to see how spiritually progressed you are, spend time with your blood family. Then you can see how far along your journey you have come. Or how much further you have to go. 

The last couple of visits, she’s been expressing her views more frequently; on climate change, on the presidents-mostly the Democratic ones, on the Democratic Party, on Charter Schools, the Tarot cards. To be fair, she does admit that she's been disappointed in the Republican Party for some time and has left it, but she still holds conservative views. 

This trip I vowed not to react. Even internally. At her age, will she change? Will she even listen to me if only to attempt to understand my point of view and not what she thinks my point of view is? In the past, I’d react and we’d end up shouting at each other and my blood pressure would rise. I mean it’s already higher when I’m there since I'm not in the secure comfort of my home and sanctuary. So, why should I aggravate it any further?

The view from my mother's balcony

On my path, I’ve come to accept that we all have our own views depending on where we come from. What works for me may not work for you and vice versa. I accept you where you are. Therefore, I accept her where she is.

On my first full day there, it started and I’m not sure what started it. She likes to crochet and buys her supplies at Michaels, JoAnn’s or Hobby Lobby wherever she can find the yarn on sale. She began at some point about how she knew how I felt about Hobby Lobby and Chick-Fil-A but by boycotting them we are hurting the franchise owner and not necessarily the company which she then took this argument back to the 2010 BP boycott over the huge pipeline break and subsequent massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico and how the small stations were driven out of business due to the boycott. She also threw in the transgender bathroom issue at Target stores but still shops there. Then, she finished with “I know we’re going to disagree.”

“Yes, we’ll just have to disagree.”

That was my response. My only response. And that was the Page of Swords’ lesson: “Learn to speak your truths when and where possible, necessary and beneficial.” Would challenging her and trying to get her to see my point of view do any good? No. Again, we probably would have ended up in a shouting match and then angry and/or hurt. Would even expressing my point of view have done any good? Probably not.

Yet, now back home, I begin to wonder why I didn’t ask why she felt the need to even express her point of view knowing I had an opposing viewpoint? In my head, I see myself saying to her, “Is there a point to this discussion?” or "Why are you bringing this up?" Maybe she felt the need to justify why she shops at places she knows I disapprove of, perhaps seeking my approval of her. Yet, I still wonder if I had asked that question at least, what would have come of it? 

As August has moved on, it is apparent the Page has sheathed their sword. I wish I could, too.

On to September and the 9 of Pentacles Reversed. Uh oh.

The 9 of Pentacles,
The Grimalkin Tarot, (C) 2020
MJ Cullinane

For more information on MJ Cullinane, her Tarot and Oracle Decks, please click here.

The Ace of March

It’s time to check in with my New Year Reading for March albeit a bit late. I drew the Ace of Swords for March.

Ugh. But, also not so ugh.

As I’ve mentioned at least once or twice before, Swords is the suit of the mind and covers thoughts, logic, reasoning, intellect, truth and communication. All that mental stuff. Swords are a bit pointy and sharp which therefore can, and often do, inflict pain. Mental pain. But, no pain, no gain. In this case, no mental pain, no mental gain.

Radiant Rider Waite Smith Tarot

This is why Swords is not the most welcome suit to appear in a reading. Especially, when they appear en masse.

Aces are the beginning of the story of their suit. They are like seed being planted, an opportunity for growth in the realm of their suit. So, the Ace of Swords would be an opportunity for mental expansion; i.e., more learning, better communication, for finding out the truth or gaining some clarity, or it could be an opportunity to cut through the crap and see things for what (or who) they truly are. This could refer to an external situation or an internal one. 

Yet, the Ace is only the opportunity; the energy is there. We see that in the traditional card with the Sword being offered by a giant hand emanating from a cloud. The cloud symbolizes that which we cannot see. I view the cloud as Life, the Universe, Spirit, or even God. One only has to seize the opportunity being offered. When a server offers appetizers at a banquet, it’s up to us to decide if we want that particular item or would rather wait for some other perhaps tastier hor d'oeuvre. Yet, sometimes opportunities pass us by. And we may miss out on that last appetizer we spotted earlier because we thought there'd be some left when we were ready. But, alas, we missed out.

The Grimalkin Tarot,
(c) 2020, MJ Cullinane

Therefore, carpe opportunitatem. And I carpe'd as best I could.

In the Ace of Swords from the Grimalkin Tarot by MJ Cullinane, which I used for this year’s reading, we see a cat poised on the hilt of a sword. This cat is clearly focused, ready to pounce on the birds above securing its destiny as a predator, a skilled hunter. Seeing itself for who it is.

While I don’t see myself as a skilled hunter, let alone an unskilled one, I did seize my opportunity to cut through some crap and focus on some inner truths. I also took a risk, stood up and spoke my truths in a couple of places. Yes, it did cause some mental pain to do so. But, it did eventually clear the air. Or some of the mental clutter, at least. Even though I feel I could have seized a bit more of the Ace's energy, I do feel what I did seize gave me some more focus on my life. 

Still, every little bit helps.

Baby steps.

Now to keep the momentum going, remain focused and move on into the rest of April and greet the lovely Queen of Wands.

The Grimalkin Tarot,
(c) 2020, MJ Cullinane

For information on MJ Cullinane, her tarot and oracle decks, click here.

Swords, Reflections and Mulan

The legendary sword, Excalibur, revealed the one true king destined to rule Camelot.

There is a scene in Disney’s animated movie Mulan where she glimpses her reflection in her father’s sword. Earlier in the movie, she begins to question who she truly is and whether she can live up to what is expected of her.

Well, we made it into January, and that means a new month. And yes, a new year, too. But, that also means I need to check in with my card for December and maybe even review the year as a whole. I’m not sure I want to do that last part.

My card for December was the Ace of Swords Reversed. As I’ve said for the last couple of months, Swords is the suit of the mind and that covers whatever goes on upstairs; thoughts, reasoning, clarity, understanding, communication, yada yada yada.

Aces offer an opportunity to seize the energy of the suit and proceed forward. I think of it like this; if I’m at a party and a server walks by with a tray of appetizers or I see a tray of them on a table, it’s up to me to decide if I want to take it or not. The Ace of Swords represents an opportunity for me to seek clarity and understanding or to expand my mind. As this is a reading for me, it could be an opportunity to understand myself a bit better. I mean the energy is there whether I seize it or not. It could even be thrust upon me.

Yet, this card is reversed. I read single cards as energy directed more inward, towards the seeker, in this case-me. So, yes, this month brought me some clarity about myself. As Swords can be, and often are, a bit pointy, some of the truths were a bit difficult to face. Others offered clarity.

Ace of Swords, Bianco Nero Tarot
Marco Proietto (c) 2018, US Games

Through this pandemic, I connected a bit more with my neighbors. I’ve always had a good relationship with the family across from me and a more congenial one with the family next to me to the north side. My neighbors on the south side would wave but we weren’t that communicative and no problems truly arose between us. However, I did have to have some work done on my ficus tree which hangs over the fence into their yard. I alerted them to the date the work would be done and asked if they could leave their gate unlocked so the crew could clean up after they were finished. The woman who answered the door was agreeable to the idea and appreciative of my letting her know. A few weeks later, she approached me and asked to exchange telephone numbers and suggested we could contact each other should there be a need. I’d already done this with the other two families.

Thanksgiving arrived and my neighbors to the north very kindly asked me if I’d like a plate of food. I thanked them and said I’d already eaten. They made the same offer over Christmas Eve and Day, making sure they asked early enough to bring it over. They felt badly I had no one to celebrate with.

My mother expressed concern over my being alone here in Los Angeles facing the worst yet of this pandemic. We are now in the stages where Europe and New York were at the beginning of the pandemic. Patients are being treated in gift shops, hallways, and other locations around the hospitals.

Both my neighbors and my mother made references to me being alone. I don’t feel alone, I feel self-reliant. Does that mean I won’t ask for help if needed? No, I’ll ask. It does mean I can depend on my neighbors. And they on me. I am very appreciative of their concern.

But, what about the public at large? Can I depend on them? Trust them? 

When I was first single, I remember asking a gay friend of mine about dating and protocols regarding safe sex. After all, I’d been off the dating market for nearly 16 years while married. I asked, “What if the guy says he’s HIV negative?” My friend’s answer; “Use condoms anyway.” “So, I should assume he’s not telling me the truth?” He had no reply. That said a lot. That began a serious trust issue I have around dating.

That trust issue has been amplified with this pandemic. We are only as safe as our ‘bubble’ or ‘pod’, as I’ve heard it called. This is the circle of family and friends we associate with. We just don’t know where they’ve been, who else enters their bubble or who they may have come in contact with, therefore increasing the potential of exposing others. Can we take just their word?

A very diligent family here in Los Angeles did come down with the virus. They practiced all the protocols; masking when out, one person did the shopping, hardly left their house, took neighborhood walks, sanitized everything, and washed their hands frequently. Yet, they still contracted the virus. The contact tracing revealed that their teenage son went out for a walk alone, snuck over to his girlfriend’s less-diligent house and apparently brought it home to his own family. 

I find myself having trust issues with others. I don’t know who else is entering others’ bubbles. Not everyone is as diligent as I am. I also don’t understand how people can eat at restaurants, even outdoors. Social distancing is suggested to be six feet apart allowing for a potential cross breeze. Yet, most outdoor tables I’ve seen aren’t six feet across nor six feet apart. Several outdoor dining areas I’ve seen have put up tarps around the sides of their dining area. This has now prevented any chance of a cross-breeze to catch any viral particles. I recall seeing a picture of a restaurant in Amsterdam which erected mini-greenhouses, fitting them with tables and chairs. This allowed for some diners to enjoy their meal “outside” while protected from other diners. The privacy and intimacy of the concept is great, especially since they are by the water. Yet, you’d best hope your companion isn’t a- or pre-symptomatic. 

Yes, I sound paranoid. I admit it. Perhaps this is one of the more painful truths the Ace of Swords revealed to me.

But, what actually is the difference between being diligent and paranoid?

I don’t want to get sick nor potentially infect anyone else. I have hypertension which is an underlying factor possibly making the disease and recovery worse for me. Plus, I don’t want to add to the stress and strain of our broken and beleaguered healthcare system. While putting others (especially, our medical personnel) first, I am also managing my health.

Another painful realization that came home is that I have become so accustomed to my solitude (even my pre-pandemic solitude) that the very idea of being around someone for more than a few hours begins to trigger my anxiety. This will complicate any potential relationship.

I have also discovered I am someone who has a hard time with people who don’t see or believe what I do. I covered this point in a previous post. I see things for the greater good of all and so should everyone else. After all, we are all on this planet together.

As Mulan saw herself in her father’s sword, the Ace of Swords Reversed allowed me a glimpse into myself. I am someone who:

• Has a good heart;

• Has trust issues around dating;

• Has trust issues around people who don’t see things for the greater good of all;

• Has difficulty expressing his opinions and accepting others’ differing ones;

• Has difficulty letting his independence down enough to possibly let someone in.

In her song “Reflections”, Mulan wonders when her reflection-which she first sees in a trough of water and later in some shiny gravestones before seeing it in the sword-will reflect who she is deep inside.

As I’ve been exploring a more spiritual path and discovering some intuitive abilities/gifts, I am also wondering when will my reflection show me who I am deep inside so I can learn to trust and better accept that aspect of myself? And eventually, myself as a whole?

I may not fully identify with her song; I mean, I’m not trying to be the perfect bride nor daughter, but the essence of the song resonates very deeply with me.

What part in this world am I meant to play? I may not play the role my family expected; I’m sure they didn’t anticipate my coming out as gay, nor developing a stronger sense of intuition, let alone reading tarot cards. If I were truly to be myself, I may not break their hearts, but will they understand? And why am I coming into this aspect of my life at my age?

One last thing about the suit of Swords. As they represent mental activity, they can also suggest overthinking. Since the last three cards of this year’s reading were all Swords, I plead guilty.

Let’s hope my reading for 2021 is better and the year is better, too.

I’ve already pulled the cards for next year. It feels good...Stay tuned.

Four More Swords

We're in the home stretch of this tumultuous year which also means I'm checking in with my penultimate card in my reading for this year.

November's card was the Four of Swords.

Swords is the suit of the mind and covers our thoughts, ideas, clarity, learning, communication, etc. Basically, it represents anything that goes on up in our head. When an abundance of Swords cards show up in a reading, my first reaction is that there is a lot of mental activity going on and most likely, overthinking or that some truths will be revealed. Needless to say, it is not the best suit to show up en masse. But, while it may carry some negative and difficult energies, every cloud has a silver lining, every storm shall pass, and all the rest of the growth-from-adversity cliches you can think of.

So, while the suit itself can be difficult, not every individual card is. I view the Four as one of the nicer cards in the suit.

We see a man in armor in repose. Admittedly, it looks like it may be an effigy, but most descriptions of the card state it is not. He is merely resting, albeit in an apparent mausoleum as suggested by the stained glass window. Tarot card meanings build from the preceding card and lead into the following one. The Three of Swords shows a heart pierced by three swords and the Five shows someone holding three swords and two more lying on the ground. Two figures are walking away, seemingly defeated. The main character appears to be smirking or gloating.

The Three of Swords depicts emotional pain; I mean what other meaning could it be with a heart pierced by three swords, pouring rain and some very dark clouds? The Five suggests a situation with a winner and loser; apparently after a confrontation of some kind. The main character's expression suggests he won, most likely underhandedly. With the Four coming between the two, it suggests resting after the storm to gather strength for the upcoming confrontation. The battle may be over, but not the war. Aside from the possible morbidity of resting in a mausoleum, what more quiet place could one find in order to gather some thoughts before the next battle? Perhaps withdrawing within oneself would be an alternative.

Sometimes a card will appear in order to suggest what the seeker should do-some advice, if you will; use the energy of the card as a way to navigate the situation at hand.

And I think I should have done that instead of thinking this would be a calming, restful month.

With the Four of Swords' energy and the High Priestess as the central card and energy of the whole year, that's what I should have done. Instead, I did quite the opposite. My mind went into overdrive. I was overanalyzing quite a lot.

I found myself overanalyzing the direction of my life. Where is it headed? It seemed to be heading in a direction prior to the pandemic. Can it, or even should it, head in the same direction post-pandemic, whenever we emerge from it? Should I change directions? 

I was thinking of my finances which have turned a corner in a more positive direction and how I can maintain that positive momentum.

I found myself looking at my connections to others in light of differences of opinions on both the political climate and pandemic situation.

It was this last point that really hit home. I think I've covered that in a couple of recent posts. Yet, as the situation gets worse, I can't seem to shake it.

I still found myself to be somewhat judgmental of those who don't see the pandemic as seriously as I do-especially government officials who think it's' not their job to enforce a public health emergency. I am doing my best to help keep myself and others healthy in order to not overwhelm the hospitals or further exhaust our doctors, nurses and other medical personnel, and straining our beleaguered healthcare system, as fucked up as it already is, pushing it to its breaking point. And if I'm doing my best, why isn't everyone else? Do they not even care about others? And if they aren't seeing what I am seeing, doing what I am doing, and reading what I am reading (from epidemiologists and virologists, no less-not only the mainstream media) then they are rejecting me.

Yes, I went there.

And from there I went into my own personal mausoleum and withdrew even further from society. How much further can one go when one can't leave one's own house except for essential needs? One withdraws more from social media, I guess.

I just couldn't take all the negativity.  

Yes, I know we all need to make a living. But, let's not get so caught up in making a living that we forget to have a life even given the difficulties that we're experiencing now.

I understand one other thing as well. We all want and need a healthy economy. I agree. It would be great. But, economies do recover. Eventually. In time. Too slow for some, I know. Yes, we live in an age of instant gratification. And we don't like change. But, we did eventually recover from the Great Depression and the Great Recession. Both times. Even if it did take years.

But, what if there are not enough healthy producers making or providing enough goods or services? What if there were no consumers healthy enough to spend money? How much longer will it take for the economy to recover?? Seriously.

A healthy economy ultimately depends on a healthy population for both the supply and demand.

Period.

So, maybe the Four of Swords was suggesting I take a break from social media to gather and analyze my thoughts so I can then let them go. Hanging on to this judgmental attitude isn't healthy, mentally or physically.

December should be interesting.

The Ace of Swords...reversed.

All card images are taken from the Radiant Rider Waite Smith Tarot, (C) 2015, US Games, Inc.

Swords, Significators and Souls

The Court
as represented in various decks

There is a small group of cards within the Tarot deck that gives beginning readers some trouble. Collectively they are referred to as the Court cards, or the Royals, because they are comprised of a Page, a Knight, a Queen and a King. There is one of each rank in each of the four suits; Swords, Cups, Pentacles (Coins), or Wands, for a total of sixteen Court Cards.

Each suit tells a story as it relates to the theme of the suit; Mind, Heart, Body or Soul. The story begins with the Ace and finishes with the Ten, then we encounter the Court. I’ve come to see these cards as the characters within the story as it relates to their individual theme. I also see them as reflecting their experience with their story based on their rank and age, then by gender to help differentiate the Queen and the King as they are about the same age. And in my own head, they are a happy little family, when one or more are not reversed or under the influence of some other card’s energy.

When these cards show up in a reading, they can suggest a person with that personality is somehow connected to the situation. They could also suggest an aspect of the individual seeking the reading or even an attitude the seeker might adopt or abandon to further resolve any issues connected to their question. 

In addition, many readers and tarot fanatics select one of these cards to act as a significator within the deck or during a reading.

Let me explain further. 

Swords is the suit of the mind and all that goes on up there; thought, logic, reasoning, understanding, clarity, truth, honesty, communication, etc. The Page is the youngest of the Court so they are learning how to master their thoughts, how to reason, how to express themselves clearly and how to discern fact from fiction, as well as reliable news sources. They can have an air of innocence as well as eagerness.

The Knight is a bit older than the Page, so they have a little more experience under their belt. I think of the Page as still studying while the Knight is the recent graduate ready to take on the world with their new ideas. They can still be a bit on the tentative side or a bit overconfident ready to challenge the establishment and bend it to their will. They lack the life experience to know how to be tactful, when to charge forth and when to hold back until the time is right. 

 

King of Swords
Radiant Tarot

The King, on the other hand, is a master of his suit. He is a man with life experience who continues to seek deeper understanding, truth and education and understands the value of such pursuits. He is also witty and has a keen sense of humor. He is a communicator and loves to impart his knowledge which makes him a good instructor. He can be a  judge or counsellor, as he is impartial since he relies on facts-not emotions. However, he can have a bit of an attitude if you ask his advice and then don’t follow it which will make him feel that you’ve wasted his time. He has little tolerance for people’s lack of understanding the facts of the matter especially when he’s researched them and wonders why they don’t see them. It is glaringly obvious to him, so it should be to others as well. Be careful if you ask him his opinion as his sword wields the truth. And the truth can hurt.

The Water Bearer pouring his
knowledge over humanity

As I was studying the Court cards when I first began reading a couple of years ago, I felt I connected to him, more for his positive aspects rather than his bluntness. Or sharpness. After all, a blunt sword is useless. I shared my connection with my study group when someone pointed out that the King of Swords is also connected to Aquarius as those same attributes describe an Aquarian. And that is my Sun sign. So, that cemented the deal. He is my significator. So, when he shows up in a reading for me, I pay particular attention to where he shows up and whether he’s reversed or not. 

I find he is quite active lately. And maybe not in a good way, perhaps he’s reversed right now. A reversed Court card could either bring out the meeker side of their personality or the darker one.

I’ve been reading reports from virologists and epidemiologists regarding the novel Coronavirus, not solely articles written by news reporters only highlighting the gist of what some expert said. I was also reading firsthand reports of medical personnel and their accounts of what they were witnessing in their patients as well as studying accounts of survivors and their personal experiences. Therefore, I feel I know what’s true, who’s reliable and where to put my trust.

FULL DISCLOSURE: I understand the information we were receiving at the beginning of the pandemic was spotty and confusing which led to some frustration as to what to do, how it was transmitted, how dangerous it was, how it manifested in patients. So, I understand the frustration we were feeling. 

But, come on people! This is a new virus that no one knew anything about at first, like at the beginning of the HIV/AIDS pandemic in the 1980’s which I lived through so I also have some personal experience with such situations. Let’s give the scientific community a chance to find out as much as they can and also not overtax the medical community in a rush to get back to normal, whatever that is or will be. This is the King of Swords getting agitated at the lack of common sense. Okay, it’s me, too. The King has to learn to sheathe his sword and take care of himself and let others do the same, even if it doesn’t make sense to him (me.) Even if it kills them, which it very well could.

The other thing that has been plaguing me as an Aquarian is the injustice that is and has been happening.

Aquarians are a bit of a rebel as we like to march to our own drum. We also have a humanitarian side. We see the bigger picture.

As a child, I was very sensitive to the pain of others, be it physical or emotional. (I still am, but have learned to shield myself somewhat.) My stepfather was very racist, misogynistic and undoubtedly homophobic, though I don’t recall any particular episodes or discussions around the latter. He would drop racial epithets all the time, tell ethnic jokes and degrade women.  It all triggered me. This was during the Civil Rights and Women’s Lib movements of the 60’s and 70’s which made our home very tense. My mother didn’t stand up to him as she knew better since he was taller than she was by at least a foot and she was petite. Plus, his temper was not to be reckoned with. 

The American sitcom All in the Family debuted during this era and tackled many topics once considered taboo for American television. The main character, Archie Bunker, was very bigoted and used many racial and ethnic epithets. My stepfather enjoyed the show, I did not. While I was never made to sit and watch the show I was told that his attitude was one many people shared and I’d better damn well get used to it.

Let’s ratchet this up a notch.

The Libra scales of justice,
fairness, balance and equality

My ascending, or rising, sign is Libra. Astrologers take the rising sign as one of the three key signs in understanding a person’s basic personality with the moon sign completing the trifecta. The rising sign is the way we first present ourselves until we feel comfortable revealing more of our truer personality. It’s our “social mask” if you will.

Libra is the only zodiac sign represented by a non-living symbol, the Scales, or Balance. Librans like to see justice and fairness for everyone involved. So, as an Aquarian with a Libra ascendant, I have humanitarian views that seek fairness, justice and balance for all. When that scale is upset, as it is now, and people don’t share my humanitarian ideals, I go nuts. “Why can’t they see the imbalance, injustices and unfairness as they exist right now?” And then, because both Aquarius and Libra are air signs, these people spend a lot of time in their heads overthinking and overanalyzing everything. And I do mean everything. So, I get the double whammy.

Speaking of double whammies, the Court card for Libra is the Queen of Swords. So, when she appears in a reading, I give her a little more attention as well. She’s like a secondary significator. She differs from her husband in that, as a woman, she brings in some of her feminine intuition. See, I told you gender would play a sexist role.

Like her husband, she is also witty, intelligent and impartial. She will be direct in her advice, but will be there to help if it gets too emotional. She has some sympathy, more than her husband would but less than the other queens of the deck. She is the Queen of her mind, after all. Since she is known more for her intellect than her emotions, she can be emotionally distant. Some readers say she can be downright cold and bitter particularly if she's reversed.

Queen of Swords
Radiant Tarot

She has an underlying strength I feel doesn’t get enough attention from some readers. She wants to be known for her intellect which, let’s face it, is viewed more as a ‘masculine’ trait since men are seen as more in their heads and less ‘feeling’ than women. Why else would we have coined the term ‘mansplaining?’ She’s trying very hard to make it in this ‘masculine’ world. Do not 'mansplain’ to her or you may barely see the flash of her sword as she cuts you down.

The apparent lack of concern for the rest of humanity from many individuals in regards to the coronavirus with its potential toll on the medical communities and the potential health and morbidity risks of this virus, plus the disregard of social inequities and inequalities, the resurgence of Black Lives Matter and the counter-reactions, in addition to the push to reopen the economy without realizing that the economy itself depends on a healthy populace in order to sustain it, all converging at once have my inner King and Queen of Swords readying their weapons to lop off a few heads. But they can’t, so they, and my Aquarius/Libra soul, remain frustrated and somewhat disillusioned with humanity.

As I've been walking, or trying to walk, a more spiritual path over these past few years, I've been learning to detach from those whose political, religious and spiritual beliefs differ from mine. After all, we are entitled to our different beliefs. Plus, as a highly sensitive/empathic person, the fact that many people seem to care only for themselves during these difficult times hurts me, deeply. “Do you not see what you are doing to others? Do you not care? Do you have no compassion?” This side of my nature makes it ever so hard to detach. And judge less.

I continue to study the science behind the virus and the statistics driving the Black Lives Matter movement so that, when asked, I can share what I've learned. I can only hope that someone will listen and change their behavior or at least their beliefs. I just hope I’m not wasting my time.

Maybe my lesson here is that as long as I'm educating myself, I’m not actually wasting my time, but realizing I need to detach much more now, which is a very hard lesson to learn in such a very difficult time. I just need to live and take care of myself the best I can and let those fools others make their own choices and live with the consequences.

But, this seems so much more challenging to detach from.

Perhaps it's because I see people's health-and ultimately their lives-in danger.

And that troubles me greatly.

Credits for the cards in lead photo:
Page of Swords, Illustrated by Siena Summers for Pride Tarot, (c) 2020 US Games, Inc.
Knight of Cups, Crow Tarot, MJ Cullinane, (c) 2019 US Games, Inc.
Queen of Coins (Pentacles), Tarot of Dreams, Ciro Marchetti, (c) 2005 US Games, Inc.
King of Wands, Bianco Nero Tarot, Marco Proietto, (c) 2018 US Games, Inc.
Photo by Jeffrey Ballam


For information on these and other fine decks available from US Games, Inc. click here

For information on MJ Cullinane and her other projects, click here.

Eight Reversed Swords in June

New Palladini Tarot

It's a new month and time to check in with my New Year Reading. The card for June was the lovely Eight of Swords Reversed.

I’ve written about this card before as she popped up last year but let’s have a refresher. Swords is the suit of the mind and encompasses thought, logic, reasoning, learning-anything that goes on in our heads. She’s bound and blindfolded, still trying to move forward but unable to see the swords in the ground around her. If the suit itself represents the mind and all that goes on up there, the individual swords represent the thoughts themselves. She has seemingly trapped herself by her own thoughts. A bit of overthinking, perhaps?

A reversed card can suggest the opposite of the card’s upright meaning. So, I was thinking I’d be releasing myself from the thoughts I was using to imprison myself over the last few months. It seems that was in the cards, so to speak. (Is that where this phrase comes from: the Tarot?)

Another reader I was studying a year ago suggested this idea for a single reversed card. She interprets it as an internal energy rather than external meaning it’s directed more inward than outward into the larger world. In a multiple card reading, the cards would play off each other, influencing the interpretation of the other cards and the position in the spread would also tweak each card's meaning. So, in a way this Eight of Swords could be seen as a single card as it represents one month even if it’s within a larger collective reading for a year with the energies of the cards flowing from one month into the next. Therefore, I could interpret this as a further/deeper entrapment within my own thoughts. That’s one possibility.

Radiant Rider Waite Smith Tarot

Another possibility is that the energy or lesson was there for me to learn how to release myself from my self-imprisonment. But, just because the lesson is there for me to learn, doesn’t mean I will learn it. In other words, I’ll have to face it again one of these days. This reminds me of my teaching days, how many times did I have to review a lesson because the little darlings didn’t get it the first, second or even fifteenth time I went over it? Life can also be like that.

Let’s just say, both of these interpretations could work. Yes, I do feel I am further imprisoned by thoughts and didn’t learn to release myself from this prison. Every method I’ve learned to try and refocus my mind into something more positive didn’t seem to stick.

But, I do need to be fair to myself. I didn’t expect the Covid situation to get so much worse making the month so much more challenging. I did anticipate a resurgence of cases when the states began to reopen which was way too soon in my opinion. But, the extreme of the second wave, if it was indeed a second one rather than an extension of the first one, was overwhelming to me. 

Plus, the attitude of those who still seem to think this is not to be taken seriously disturbs me greatly. I’m getting ahead of myself and another post I have in mind. 

The politics, too, around this situation have weighed heavily on me as well. How bloody difficult is it to put on a simple mask? Did people erupt in violence over “No shirt, no shoes, no service?” Was there such vicious backlash when seat belts became mandatory? Or for driving while on the cell phone/texting? How many people were killed over those policies? Again, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Even with the heavier thoughts, I do think I was meant to learn to overcome these thoughts of despair, depression and disdain for those who don’t seem to care about the seriousness of this virus and its effect on others. Or, at least try to overcome those thoughts. Sometimes, we need to learn a lesson at a higher or deeper level to advance on our journey. I feel I did try, but maybe not hard enough.

I understand that getting past these thoughts is necessary for a peaceful life and better health as anxiety and stress aren’t good on the body. Or spirit.

The overall theme of the year, the lucky thirteenth card, is the High Priestess. I really need to go further inward, into the temple and find my inner truth because I have a bit more work to do as another Swords card is next...

Radiant Rider Waite Smith Tarot

The Magician and the Wheel

I have been remiss in my blogging especially when it comes to checking in with my cards of the month from my New Year Reading way back in January. So, I’m going to try and catch up with two cards and two months in one post. So, in this case, 2 + 2 = 1.

Yeah, whatever.

April’s card was the Magician Reversed which was followed by the Wheel of Fortune Reversed in May.

Oh goody, two Major cards reversed back to back. Oy, vey.

The Magician is not a magician in the contemporary sense of the word. In fact, I wouldn’t even go that far. He is one who celebrates ritual magic in order to manifest that which he needs. He isn’t one to make it appear out of thin air, yet he manifests it so that he encounters it on his wanderings through the countryside. Or, so I imagine. It would be like me meditating on this mantra, “I’m going to drive to the mall and find a very convenient parking spot.” And voila, I find it. Well, I'd do this back when malls were open.

If we look at the Magician's altar, we can see the symbols of the four suits of the Minor Arcana; the Wand, the Cup, the Sword, and the Pentacle. This suggests he has control over the four elements; Fire, Water, Air, and Earth respectively as they are also related to the suits. If he is about the elements and manifesting, he is also about using the elements as resources for his manifesting. I’m not talking about taking fire and torching cars to find a parking spot, but taking the energy of the element and setting the action into motion. Fire energy is drive, water is emotional energy, air is mental energy and earth’s energy is about being grounded or centered.

Regardless, the Magician is about manifesting. And if we want to manifest something, we need to take action. So, by extension, he is also about taking action.

Yet, he was reversed which would suggest a lack of any or all of the elements to get myself going. Since I didn’t post anything in May for April, we can see that I didn’t seem to have much fire in my fingers to write out a post. My heart, mind and spirit weren’t in it, either. In fact, I didn’t even think about it much until late May. Nor did I work on any drafts of other posts unrelated to my reading that I’d begun earlier. I simply wasn’t motivated, which could also be a symptom of a Reversed Magician. (Though I was motivated to exercise more, so that was a positive.) Perhaps the current situation threw me off center or uprooted me enough that I needed the time to get myself somewhat planted back on the ground again. So, perhaps the Magician Reversed turned out to be a kind of blessing in disguise. In a way. Maybe.

The Wheel of Fortune turned up in May but, again, Reversed.                   

When I see this card in a reading, my first thought goes to all those stories where the character goes off to seek his/her fortune or destiny. Most readers see this card as destiny rather than fortune in the monetary sense. 

I’m also reminded of that song about wheels, a bus and going ‘round and ‘round when this card shows up. However, this Wheel isn’t going ‘round and ‘round. In fact, it’s stuck. On its head. Or, it’s turning but, veeerrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyy slllllooooooowwwwwwlllllyyyyy.

When we think of a wheel going ‘round and ‘round, we see part of the wheel up, then down, then up, then down, constantly revolving or changing. Like life. Sometimes you’re up, then you’re down. Up, then down. Things change. They get better, then they get not so better. Sometimes you feel as if the wheel has run over you. Sometimes, it’s the whole bus.

With the Magician Reversed followed by the Wheel of Fortune also Reversed, it’s no wonder my whole world screeched to a blinding halt. Then stayed there. Remaining in isolation wasn’t necessarily fun, but after a few years of retirement where I was at home most of the time, it wasn’t that big of a change for me. A few things did change: running to the store for a few items became a major ordeal;

• Coming home and wiping down surfaces of what I bought.
• Remembering to venture out with a mask and sanitizer, provided I could find some.
• Deciphering the conflicting information.
• Learning to shower after coming home from the store so I could wash thoroughly, just in case.
• Going to one store at a time to avoid cross contamination from one locale to another. So, I learned to make a master list and use curbside pick up whenever possible.
• Only running errands when absolutely essential.

But, I've also extended my interpretation to the world around me and the real world; my friends’ lives have changed as well. Friends who are parents were now homeschooling their children. So, my friends and I would have even less time as their duties increased. My social groups were now meeting online.

So, I learned to adapt. And to live by the Serenity Prayer:

Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

the Courage to change the things I can, and 

the Wisdom to know the difference.

Things may be changing as my state of California begins to open up, but I still think things aren’t going to improve any time soon. Yes, life does change; things do get better when they’re down, we just don’t know when the change will happen. Or how long it will take. Busses are heavy vehicles and it takes them a bit longer than a passenger car to get up to speed. And life is even bigger than a bus.

Yet, I see hope. I just don’t know when I see it. (My tarot mentor will be so proud of this insight. See, I paid attention to her numerology lessons.) In the Major Arcana, the Magician is card number 1 and the Wheel is number 10. Ones are seen as a beginning of whatever they represent. January is the first month so it begins a new year. One is the first whole number after zero and it begins any counting sequence. Doesn’t a single step begin a whole new journey or adventure?

So, the Magician also carries the additional layer of a beginning. 

Now bear with me on this one. It gets a bit tricky here. The Wheel of Fortune is card number 10. Yet, it is the first whole number that requires two digits to represent its value. Therefore, it also signals an ending while simultaneously signaling a beginning; the end of the single digit numbers and the beginning of the two digit numbers. In numerology, we often reduce multiple digit numbers down to a single number by finding the sum of the individual digits. So, a 10 card is also a 1 card because 1 + 0 = 1, which is the number of beginnings. I prefer to think of the Number 10 cards more as a transition; an ending which transitions into a beginning of something different, a new phase or chapter, if you will. The fact both cards came up one right after the other and in chronological order, first the Magician (1) then the Wheel (10), suggests to me that the energy of a beginning leading to a transitional phase of something and somewhen is there, but the reversal could suggest a delay because more work needs to be done as I have two more reversed cards for June and July. But, both upcoming cards are not seen as the most positive when upright, so reversing them may actually be a good thing.

They are the 8 and 7 of Swords respectively. Lots of mental work.

June's card

July's card

Yet, August does seem promising. But, I’ll keep that card under my hat.

Though, I will say this, it’s upright.

Finally!! 

The Knight of Swords Reversed

Radiant Tarot from
US Games

The first month of 2020 is over, so it’s time to check in with the card in my New Year reading which was the Knight of Swords, Reversed.

I must say I’ve been a bit puzzled as to what the Knight could teach me and as I tried to keep notes during the month, I felt stumped. But, I did come up with something.

First, what is his general message?

Swords is the suit of the mind and therefore suggests whatever goes on up in our heads; thoughts, ideas, logic, reason, knowledge and learning. Swords can also represent truth, communication and even justice, as true justice relies on facts and reason.

For me, the knights, in general, represent the age of those who have finished their "book learning" and are just setting out on their life quest; e.g., the rookie cop just out of the academy or the recent college graduate out to shake up the world with newfound knowledge as it relates to the theme of their suit. They just lack the life experience to either buoy their confidence or to help reign in their (over)enthusiasm therefore, they can be a bit unpredictable, anywhere from too naive to too hell-bent to fix the problems of the world as they see it in terms of their suit; in this case with the Knight of Swords, it’s his thoughts, ideas, and reasons which will make the world a better place. The Knight is brandishing a sword as he charges forward on his horse. Unlike the other knights of the deck, his horse is in full gallop ready to take his message the masses. So, he can be a bit of an aggressive know-it-all and definitely wants to be heard. And taken seriously.

Bianco Nero Tarot by
Marco Proietto

Yet, this Knight is reversed in my reading, which suggests I’m holding myself back from charging forward for some reason.

It finally dawned on me why that might be.

I grew up in a racist, misogynistic, homophobic, conservative home and I was expected to espouse those same values when among my friends. I have a memory from my early teens where I can clearly recall my stepfather saying those words in the dining room of our house. My first thought was “And how are you going to follow us around all day to make sure we do?” Innately, I also knew he was full of more than just shit. I knew I dare not express this thought out of fear of being slammed through the wall. Okay, maybe the idea of being slammed through a wall was a bit of a stretch, but the fear was very real. So, I learned to just keep my mouth shut.

Which meant I also learned that whatever I had to say would not be heard nor valued.

It’s a message that still resonates with me today.

And a lesson I still need to work on.

I recently posted a blog on this very subject where people express their concern for me. When I explain why I choose to live how I do, they ignore my explanations and continue their unsolicited advice about my life.

I am not heard.

Bianco Nero Tarot by
Marco Proietto

It hurts.

I’ve learned to shut up. 

I’m working on not getting triggered.

Some novels I’ve been working on have a deep spiritual message which seems to run very contradictory to the mainstream gay community. I’ve stopped working on them out of fear I won’t be heard, received poorly or highly criticized for my unconventional views.

I need to let that go and just write the stories for me; for my own catharsis.

So, I need to upright this Knight of Swords and just write. With the High Priestess at the center of this reading, I need to channel her energies of listening to and trusting my inner voice, put on my armor, get on my horse and charge forth brandishing my message.

And just trust that those who need to hear my message will.

And learn to let those those words which may criticize my message fall away under my horse's hooves.

Now let’s see what the 4 of Pentacles has in store for me in February. 

Bianco Nero Tarot by
Marco Proietto