Thursday, April 13, 2017

Journeys or Chapters?

Some people say life is a journey.

Others say life is a book.

I say it's a matter of perspective.

Sometimes I feel like I'm walking along a path in a forest wilderness experiencing all that happens around me.

Sometimes I feel like I'm done with this adventure and ready for a new one. And I change the scenery-maybe a nice quiet walk along the California coast.

Changing the scenery sounds refreshing, something new and different to see.

Or sometimes I feel like a chapter in my life is coming to an end and it's time turn the page and see what's in store for me.

A new chapter sounds like something exciting and different is about to happen, maybe something unexpected-a plot twist.

And that's exactly what I feel is happening in my life-a major plot twist.

Lately I've been paying attention to many signs around me, signs pointing to the importance someone is playing in my life. I've come to realize that I've also been ignoring other types of signs in a different area of my life and suddenly I'm beginning to accept that I need to do something about that.

So, I am.

There's one relationship where I haven't felt as fulfilled lately. (That's one indication something is wrong.)

So, I tried making changes to be a better me. (They haven't worked as well as I would have liked or hoped.)

I feel I have overstayed my welcome. (Indication number two.)

I haven't known what to do, or felt comfortable letting go. (Number three.)

But, I also felt financially and emotionally insecure to be on my own.

In the end, I realized I had to do what is right for me, so I have decided to take that step.


I am announcing my retirement from teaching.

It has been 34.5 years since I stood in front of a class. I have taught grades 1-6, all in the same school in the northeast corner of Los Angeles, about 15 miles out of downtown LA. I have seen many changes over the years, some good, some not so good. And many were downright questionable.

In those many years I have also seen children change, either in my classroom, or during their years at my school. Some changed for the better, some did not. I saw some in need of encouragement and I offered it. I saw some who changed later on, and came back to thank me. I have taught gifted students and some who have yet to discover their gifts.

And, unfortunately, there are those whose lives ended all too soon.

The children of today are not the same as when I first began. While there are indeed good students, the disrespect shown to us by students as young as six is appalling. A colleague once told me she has first grade students who roll their eyes at her-boys as well as girls. And they see nothing wrong with it. Respect for teachers and the school has dropped tremendously.

Parents, too, have changed. It seems this latest generation expects more from the school than my generation did. Schools are now expected to be social service providers, in addition to educators. Many parents ask for help when needed, but some demand it. Others feel entitled to it.

Teaching is not a profession you leave at the office. Teachers are mentally planning all day long. Even at home. Papers often come home to grade when the school closes for the day. (Besides, its more comfy to grade in pajamas, with your feet up, shoes off, and enjoying a glass of something you might get in trouble for at school.)

The last few years have been hard as we were asked to do more with less. Things began to change, and the situation improved. But, the winds are shifting. And they seem ominous.

All of this has taken its toll on me.

That, and getting older.

As well as the other developments in my life.

It's been a difficult decision to make, yet I feel confident I've made the right choice.

And I know the Universe will support me, as it's all for my greater good.

That's what the signs tell me.

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Synchronicities 6

As I share my experiences with the synchronicities (the repeated sets of numbers, 1111, 444, etc.) I’ve been seeing on clocks, on billboards, in phone numbers, on license plates, or as addresses, a few of my friends have asked, “Haven’t those numbers always existed?”

Well, yes and no.

The time appears on clocks only twice a day, once in the a.m. and again in the p.m. Billboards do get changed from time to time. And it depends on where I encounter the phone number, which may appear on a billboard, a receipt, in my caller ID, or when written down by someone. 

So, yes, they have always been in existence, just not in my line of sight.  

“So, if they’ve always existed, why are you seeing them now?”

I don’t know. I think it’s like reading a book, or seeing a favorite movie-for a second, third or fourth time. You pick up on things you may have missed before, a detail you weren't ready to see.

And they just seem to happen to me. I can’t control when they appear. For example, I recently made a purchase totaling $22.25. Within twenty minutes, a car with 222 on the license plate passed me on the freeway, which in turn, was followed by a big rig truck with 2222 contained in its Department of Transportation number on the cab door.

I can't control that I wake up in the middle of the night, glance at my clock and see 2:22, or 3:33. Or that I check my phone during the day at 11:11.

I couldn't control the time that the last three numbers on my odometer matched the last three numbers of the license plate in front of me, and five miles later matched the last three on the plate next to me. (Twice in five miles?)

I couldn’t control the time when a car pulled up alongside the car in front of me, to see the last three numbers on both their license plates matched, only to have the second car speed off and another speed up to ride parallel to the car in front of me, only to have their license plates also share matching numbers. (Three matching license plates in the space of about five minutes?)

For me, just seeing the numbers isn’t the biggest question I have, it’s the timing, and the quantity. And then there are the other coincidences. 

I couldn't control that I dreamt of meeting a certain celebrity I strongly admire, only to have her name appear in my daily crossword puzzle the very next day when others have appeared at least twice in the five months I’ve been doing this daily puzzle. (Oh, and I rarely remember my dreams.) 

I couldn't control the time a colleague and I were trying to figure out what a certain insect was when the Los Angeles Times ran an article the next day explaining what they actually were. We were both wrong, by the way.  But that doesn't matter, the timing of the article caught my eye, along with the timing of these other "coincidences."

I usually stop for coffee to keep me awake, and therefore alive, during my long commute home. It’s a two mile drive from my work to my favorite Starbucks. One day, I counted six sets of triple numbers in that short drive. And then another six on my longer drive home. Curiously, the only digit I didn’t see that afternoon was a 5. But, it later turned up in my solitaire game when my total points were 15,550! 

I had an epiphany the other day. Not about these numbers, but about something else.

I may have mentioned, once or twice, that I have met someone I believe is my Twin Flame. We are in separation now, meaning we aren't together or in communication. I've come to the decision I will not settle for a relationship that doesn't offer the depth of connection he and I once shared. I admit that every relationship is different and I can't expect to find someone exactly like him. But to settle for a relationship where the connection isn't as strong, yet the relationship itself may be more stable does not appeal to me. I need that depth. Right after I had this epiphany, and realized that it was actually coming from a form of self-love which all seemed to make perfect sense to me, immediately a car pulled up next to me with its license plate ending in 555! I took it as an affirmation of my self-acceptance. 

The latest in the line up of synchronicities has been birthdates. And three in particular seem to jump out at me-mine, my mother’s and, not surprisingly, that of the man I believe to be my Twin Flame.

I have given up trying to figure out what it all means, or I would drive myself crazy. Trust me, I’ve been very close. The sheer volume and timing of these coincidences suggest, to me anyways, that something greater than anything currently on this planet is trying to get my attention. Believe me, they have it.

I’ve come to believe it is all an affirmation that I am moving towards my greater good.

I’ve come to believe I must trust that this is a hand being held out to me by the Universe as it leads me through this change in my life. 

I’ve come to believe I’m entering, or have entered, the Dark Night of the Soul.

I’ve come to believe there will be a New Dawn.

So, maybe that’s why I'm seeing them now.