I know what You are doing; You are preparing me for something. But, what? I don't know.
You brought him to me, only for us to separate, not once but twice. The differences between us were as grand as the Canyon itself and yet, the friendship blossomed into a relationship filled with compassion, creativity, communication, growth and support, with the occasional thorn of frustration and misunderstanding poking into the mix. We seemed to connect so intensely deep and deeply intense that the connection itself was frightening. In spite of the fear, it still felt good to be in that space with him then.
Yet, we are not in a good space right now as he admitted, and I had begun to suspect, he wasn't ready for a relationship at his stage in life. So, I am trying to move on, put him out of my mind-yet You are making it impossible.
As You know, I pay attention to the signs You send me. And You have been sending me a few. Quite a number to be exact. So many, that I'd have to be comatose not to see them. The first few came a bit sporadically, and then the avalanche-nearly day after day-something jarring my heart, bringing him back to to the forefront of my mind. Some of the first few were subtle enough to pique my interest, then they became a bit less subtle, like a bull in a china shop, with the last few being blatantly obvious. I began to question if I was either losing my mind, or reading Your signs correctly. And You answered. I must admit Your sense of humor is quite intriguing. You answered me with a message not unlike a brick to the head, directly confirming that I was reading them correctly-the random card I pulled from my deck of daily affirmations that read, "Pay Attention to the Signs." Okay, I get it. I'll work on the self-doubt.
I know what You are doing, but the pain is becoming a bit too much. Yes, I have heard that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I should change my name to Hercules. Yet, I can't feel my strength in this matter. I'm still only too human. And while what You are doing isn't killing me, it is also hurting me. I accept that I must, and will, get through this difficult pain and learn to trust You. That is my lesson. There I've said it.
Yet, I have one more question, but am not sure I'm ready for Your answer. You are sending me signs, are You sending him some as well? And is he reading them?