I'm not sure if my dilemma is moral or ethical. I'm not sure that even matters.
As I have blogged before, I've been exploring a more spiritual path. While on this path, I've come to accept we are souls having a human experience. I've also come to accept our souls have existed on another plane co-mingling with other souls until we are born into our human bodies at this time on this plane. I've come to believe people come in and out of our lives for a purpose. I've also come to believe we can see reflections of ourselves in the other relationships we have-what we may like/dislike in others is a reflection of what we like/dislike in ourselves whether we are aware of it or not. I've come to believe we had met some of these other people back when we were souls together on the other plane, perhaps conversing over a nice espresso at the Soul Plane Starbucks, and now we have re-connected on this plane as 'soulmates.'
'Soulmate' doesn't necessarily mean the ONE person with whom you will spend the rest of your life à la Hollywood's interpretation; that would be 'Life Partner.' A soulmate is a person who comes into your life at just the right moment to help you through a particular lesson or stage, and when that lesson is learned, the soulmate connection is broken and you part ways. The difficulty of the lesson and how easily you learn it may affect the duration of time the soulmate remains in your life and, yes, a soulmate could even become a Life Partner.
As I've been opening up to what the Universe brings to me, I believe I have met my Twin Flame, a very special type of soulmate relationship which is similar to yet simultaneously different from a more generic soulmate.
As I read several articles on Twin Flames, a number of characteristics jumped out at me. While all Twin Flame relationships are different and unique to the individuals involved, Twin Flame relationships are usually characterized by:
- A period of extremely intense growth-emotional and/or spiritual-for both persons;
- A feeling of destiny-we were supposed to meet;
- A feeling of immediate comfort-we can talk about anything;
- A feeling of "completeness", even though we are complete unto ourselves already;
- A deep connection to the other unlike you've ever felt before.
The Twin Flame relationship itself is also very intense, as it brings out your deepest hurts, fears and insecurities forcing you to confront them in order for your soul to grow and evolve. Due to the intense nature of the relationship, there can also be a resistance to face the fears from the human side of our being because they are the deepest core wounds, fears and insecurities; yet, the connection between the souls keeps bringing the two back together, as if you can't let go of each other. There can be stages of running and chasing, which suggests that Twin Flames initially meet when the timing is way off, rather than soulmates who meet at the right time.
Because it's the souls that have recognized each other (and not the human counterparts) who are trying to reconnect, another unique characteristic of a Twin Flame relationship is that your Twin can be, and usually is, someone you would least likely suspect, someone not typically your type, a complete opposite of you as this relationship reflects your deepest, darkest fears-your shadow self.
And that's how it is with me and my Twin. We fit each of the categories above and we are so opposite each other it is almost comical, "on paper" we shouldn't belong together. Yet, our connection is so deep, it's frightening because it transcends the differences, while simultaneously beautiful for the exact same reason.
We're in a running stage (again) right now.
And truth be told, many Twins never reconnect as the fears can be too overwhelming for the human side of us to confront, and unless/until both Twins are ready to face their fears, the reunification may never take place.
While the articles have suggested we fit the portrait of the Twin Flame relationship, I have also seen numerous synchronicities, or signs, from the Universe that confirm he is my Twin. At least, I believe that's what the overwhelming number of synchronicities are telling me. I'm not sure he believes it or is even aware of the Twin Flame phenomenon.
So, here is my dilemma-if he is indeed my Twin Flame, and we may never reconnect (at least on this plane or incarnation) because our human sides are being overly cautious, even though our souls yearn to reunite, do I move on or do I wait? I have many other personal issues going on while I recover from this latest break, so I'm not emotionally available for anyone else at the moment and therefore I can't be truly present in a new relationship until I'm in a better place personally and also have let go of this old one, but the Universe keeps reminding me about him which then brings up the pain again which also makes letting go of him more difficult. And if the Universe does finally ease up a bit and I'm in a better place and I do meet someone who intrigues me, what do I do? Knowing my Twin is out there and may come back at any minute, is it morally (or ethically) fair to Mr. New Guy to start something? Is it fair to me not to explore it in case Mr. Twin never does return?
Also, with the Twin Flame connection being so deep, Mr. New Guy would have to connect more deeply with me, or I would be settling for something less than what I've seen possible from someone else. I could have a deeper connection but maybe less in common (due to our age differences) with Mr. Twin Flame or a hypothetically shallower connection with more in common with Mr. New Guy. Yes, I understand each relationship is different, each connection is different, but when I've fallen for a richer dark roast coffee, I'm not suddenly going to start drinking a mellower light roast and be completely satisfied.
And please, the old "he left, he's gone, let go and move on" shtick doesn't quite work here. It trivializes the whole Twin Flame relationship and does not afford me the appropriate time to grieve.
I guess the only thing for me to do is continue on my path and trust that, one day, it will all work out.
One way or the other.