My Guy

A friend got me thinking the other day.

Don't you hate it when they do that?

I don't, because then I get to solve some of my own riddles.

He commented on the fact that when we go out to places where gay men gather, he points out who he thinks might be the type of guy I'd respond to, and I usually respond with "Meh!" I think once he even got a "You've got to be kidding" look from me. So, he wanted to know exactly what is the type of guy I like, which got me thinking; what is my "type" of guy, anyway?

I don't exactly know how to describe him.

But, I will start with what usually catches my eye.

I'm usually drawn to dark-haired men, with brown eyes. I am a chest man, so a nice set of pecs to rest my head on is a plus. I try, though am not as successful as I could be, to take care of myself, so someone who works out is also a plus. I prefer muscle definition over muscle building, but I can make exceptions. A handsome face is always a plus, because if I'm going to spend a long time looking at him, it's always pleasant to have something nice to look at, right? I have always had a thing for men slightly taller than I am. Maybe I associate that with him taking care of me. I also am drawn to men who are more masculine, both in attitude and looks, but not afraid of his sensitive side. My preference is for furry men, though if you can't see skin or tell the back from the chest, that's way too much. So, to sum up, I like a dark-haired, brown eyed, muscle bear, slightly taller than I am, but with just the right amount of fur, who wears Armani just as well as leather. I guess I could describe him, after all.

I have made exceptions to the above: both my exes were shorter than I, not in great shape, and more on the 'cute' side rather than 'handsome.' And my first unrequited love was a skinny blond-haired, blue-eyed man.

But that said, there's still the most important piece; my gut reaction. He could be the perfect man, physically, but if I don't get both the He's-a-nice-guy and I-want-to-meet-him vibes in my gut, I'm not interested.

Okay, that takes care of the initial attraction. So, what else is important? From past experience I have learned, I want:

• someone who is interested in being friends first, and then allowing anything else to develop, if there is anything else to develop;
• someone who is emotionally, chronologically, maturationally, and spiritually my contemporary;
• someone who is interested in the whole me, not just certain parts of my anatomy;
• someone who is willing to take me, baggage and all, and help me unpack;
• someone who is willing to stand behind me at times to let me shine in my own light;
• someone who is willing to treat us as equals in the relationship, and share responsibilities;
• someone who is able to communicate;
• someone who is romantic;
• someone who feels the same way about me as I do about him.

I know it sounds like I am chasing the impossible dream, trying to find someone who meets all the above requirements.

I prefer to compare husband hunting to whale watching. Twice in my life I have gone whale watching, and on both occasions, with patience, I was rewarded and with even more patience on one trip, I got to see flukes! In time, someone will cross my path who will trigger that I-want-to-get-to-know-him-better-because-he-seems-like-a-nice-guy vibe in my gut.

I just hope I trigger it in him and then we can take it slowly, from there.