Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Adult Literacy


I have begun perusing the portable profiles again. I even have placed a profile on one of the apps in the hopes of extending my gay male social circle. And it reads in part, "As my life is in transformation, I do not want to complicate matters so I am not looking for hookups or dating. I am looking for friends to hang out with and expand my social circle."

I chose this particular app because it asks its members:
  • to be mature- don't play games or give attitude;
  • to have integrity- represent yourself authentically;
  • to be safe- in play, both for yourself and others;
  • to be truthful- represent yourself honestly;
  • to enjoy- make sure your encounters are mutually enjoyable;
  • to respect- yourself and your partners.
Sounds reasonable, right? I thought so.
Okay, I realize my profile may come off as a bit heavy handed, or put-offish but with my head, heart and finances all over the place and with me embarking on a new journey, the last thing I want right now is to add even more to my plate by getting involved with someone, or into an uncomfortable scene and go all drama queen and such and be accused of not following the code. I also realize that if a real nice guy comes along and I am interested in him and feel comfortable, I MAY have already given the wrong impression about taking that next step which in turn could lead to more confusion and/or hurt on both parts. And this reminds me of a situation I recently went through.

One of the very first people to contact me on this app was a very handsome, silver haired gentleman. We chitchatted, about this, about that. He seemed very nice. His profile was also nice and clear, "Wanna play?" After a few more moments of chat, he asked if I wanted to meet up sometime. I admit I'm a little naive at times especially since I am new at this portable electronic dating stuff, and I thought he meant for coffee having assumed he'd read my profile. "Possibly," I replied.

He came back with "I'd really love to play with you, Jeff. I'm into....." and he then listed of his litany of preferred playtime activities (there was some reference about bacon, pork or a pig in there somewhere).

Um, where exactly in my profile did I indicate I was interested in hooking up? Did he not read my profile? I think we need to extend the adult literacy curriculum to include online profiles on dating sites.

Now, this is not the first time this has happened. And it won't be the last, I am sure.

I'll just have to be prepared.


  1. Jeff, have you thought about adding to your family? How 'bout a new dog to bring more cheer to your home. Be happy and joyful at home...don't be too anxious to 'hook up.' XOXO

    1. Nancy, I am happy being by myself, and with the dog and cat. My budget is already stretched to breaking, so no new animals for me, unless it swims in a bowl. Plus, the HOA limits me to "two dogs and/or cats." I am looking to make platonic friends for now, and see where the Universe takes me.

      I have faith.

      Thank you for your comment.

  2. Your story, or as much of it as you've shared here and in your Twitter profile, sounds very familiar, Jeff. Gay divorced Dad here, too; another writer; had the cats and dogs; even taught 6th grade (eons ago).

    I think you are wise to proceed slowly and cautiously at present. These transitional phases are fraught with risks, but take heart -- they don't last forever (generally 12-to-18 months, depending on one's particular circumstances).

    As for establishing purely platonic relationships, that is, as you've indicated, a challenge in such times as you face. I think that's because so many of us -- gays and straights alike -- think of sex as the all purpose anesthesia for a life in turmoil. You're likely to meet many who, apprised of your transitional situation, will assume that's your real purpose in posting an online profile -- regardless of the specific criteria you've cited. That was certainly my experience.

    I wish you well and happy, and will look forward to more posts about your forthcoming novel.

    1. Thank you for your comment. I appreciate the time you took to read and leave with me these pearls of wisdom. This is indeed a transitional phase, and as such, temporary. There are other factors involved in this transition besides the divorce and associated emotions. I have posted on the other factors before. I chose not to divulge too much on the online profile, saving something for conversation should I meet someone through the app, whether for friendship or other. I feel that as long as I stick to my guns, I can't be accused of violating "the code". And if someone else misunderstood my intentions, it is his loss.

      Thank you again.