Four More Swords

We're in the home stretch of this tumultuous year which also means I'm checking in with my penultimate card in my reading for this year.

November's card was the Four of Swords.

Swords is the suit of the mind and covers our thoughts, ideas, clarity, learning, communication, etc. Basically, it represents anything that goes on up in our head. When an abundance of Swords cards show up in a reading, my first reaction is that there is a lot of mental activity going on and most likely, overthinking or that some truths will be revealed. Needless to say, it is not the best suit to show up en masse. But, while it may carry some negative and difficult energies, every cloud has a silver lining, every storm shall pass, and all the rest of the growth-from-adversity cliches you can think of.

So, while the suit itself can be difficult, not every individual card is. I view the Four as one of the nicer cards in the suit.

We see a man in armor in repose. Admittedly, it looks like it may be an effigy, but most descriptions of the card state it is not. He is merely resting, albeit in an apparent mausoleum as suggested by the stained glass window. Tarot card meanings build from the preceding card and lead into the following one. The Three of Swords shows a heart pierced by three swords and the Five shows someone holding three swords and two more lying on the ground. Two figures are walking away, seemingly defeated. The main character appears to be smirking or gloating.

The Three of Swords depicts emotional pain; I mean what other meaning could it be with a heart pierced by three swords, pouring rain and some very dark clouds? The Five suggests a situation with a winner and loser; apparently after a confrontation of some kind. The main character's expression suggests he won, most likely underhandedly. With the Four coming between the two, it suggests resting after the storm to gather strength for the upcoming confrontation. The battle may be over, but not the war. Aside from the possible morbidity of resting in a mausoleum, what more quiet place could one find in order to gather some thoughts before the next battle? Perhaps withdrawing within oneself would be an alternative.

Sometimes a card will appear in order to suggest what the seeker should do-some advice, if you will; use the energy of the card as a way to navigate the situation at hand.

And I think I should have done that instead of thinking this would be a calming, restful month.

With the Four of Swords' energy and the High Priestess as the central card and energy of the whole year, that's what I should have done. Instead, I did quite the opposite. My mind went into overdrive. I was overanalyzing quite a lot.

I found myself overanalyzing the direction of my life. Where is it headed? It seemed to be heading in a direction prior to the pandemic. Can it, or even should it, head in the same direction post-pandemic, whenever we emerge from it? Should I change directions? 

I was thinking of my finances which have turned a corner in a more positive direction and how I can maintain that positive momentum.

I found myself looking at my connections to others in light of differences of opinions on both the political climate and pandemic situation.

It was this last point that really hit home. I think I've covered that in a couple of recent posts. Yet, as the situation gets worse, I can't seem to shake it.

I still found myself to be somewhat judgmental of those who don't see the pandemic as seriously as I do-especially government officials who think it's' not their job to enforce a public health emergency. I am doing my best to help keep myself and others healthy in order to not overwhelm the hospitals or further exhaust our doctors, nurses and other medical personnel, and straining our beleaguered healthcare system, as fucked up as it already is, pushing it to its breaking point. And if I'm doing my best, why isn't everyone else? Do they not even care about others? And if they aren't seeing what I am seeing, doing what I am doing, and reading what I am reading (from epidemiologists and virologists, no less-not only the mainstream media) then they are rejecting me.

Yes, I went there.

And from there I went into my own personal mausoleum and withdrew even further from society. How much further can one go when one can't leave one's own house except for essential needs? One withdraws more from social media, I guess.

I just couldn't take all the negativity.  

Yes, I know we all need to make a living. But, let's not get so caught up in making a living that we forget to have a life even given the difficulties that we're experiencing now.

I understand one other thing as well. We all want and need a healthy economy. I agree. It would be great. But, economies do recover. Eventually. In time. Too slow for some, I know. Yes, we live in an age of instant gratification. And we don't like change. But, we did eventually recover from the Great Depression and the Great Recession. Both times. Even if it did take years.

But, what if there are not enough healthy producers making or providing enough goods or services? What if there were no consumers healthy enough to spend money? How much longer will it take for the economy to recover?? Seriously.

A healthy economy ultimately depends on a healthy population for both the supply and demand.

Period.

So, maybe the Four of Swords was suggesting I take a break from social media to gather and analyze my thoughts so I can then let them go. Hanging on to this judgmental attitude isn't healthy, mentally or physically.

December should be interesting.

The Ace of Swords...reversed.

All card images are taken from the Radiant Rider Waite Smith Tarot, (C) 2015, US Games, Inc.

Uranus, Mercury, Chakras and Hair

I find myself somewhat overwhelmed, maybe even disoriented, at the moment. 

When I began opening up to a more spiritual path a few years ago, I started reading quite a bit on spiritual topics and joined a few spiritual discussion groups, to the point now where I am so confused I’m not sure what it means to be spiritual or what I believe any longer, except that I do believe in something; I'm just not sure how to define or describe it. I tend to just use the word “Universe.” Not in the sense of the vastness of the galaxy-type universe but in the sense of the energy that surrounds, fills and connects every member of the plant, animal and mineral kingdoms as well as the spiritual planes. And this confusion, doubt, questioning has been happening for the last couple of years. At least. 

Recently, when I read my astrology report and saw that Saturn and Venus were causing some turmoil in my life, I also discovered that Uranus and Mercury were also. 

Uranus is the odd ball planet in the solar system. There’s at least one in every bunch, right? It’s the only planet named after a Greek god, not a Roman one. It’s the only planet whose rotation is perpendicular to its orbit. All the other planets, except Venus, rotate in an east to west direction and move forward in the same direction. Think of it like this: stand still, point to the east, now start turning counterclockwise while simultaneously walking eastward. Venus rotates clockwise while orbiting to the east like the rest of the planets. Uranus rotates in a west to east direction like Venus, but due to the unusual tilt of it, Uranus rotates on its side. It's like pivoting on your stomach while moving eastward. At least we’re all headed in the same direction. This also means Uranus doesn’t have a north or south pole, but east and west poles. Confusing, huh? I guess we can say Uranus is the maverick, the black sheep of the family. No wonder this is the modern ruling planet of Aquarius, the rebel, the free-thinker of the Zodiac. 

Now Mercury is another story. Mercury was the messenger of the gods. He traveled to them to deliver messages and quickly so as not to anger them. Astrologically, Mercury is the planet that governs communication because of the messaging thing. It also covers thinking, learning, rationality and reasoning. 

So, what are these two doing to mess with me? Currently, Uranus is at a right angle to the spot where Mercury was when I was born. Astrologically, this right angle relationship is called a square and is considered to be a challenging relationship or “aspect.” Yet, we often learn more from our challenges than the easier moments. 

What does this aspect mean? 

Well, if Mercury is the planet of rational thought and Uranus is the radical, the one who goes his own way, right there we see the clash. Rational vs. Radical Thought. Questioning all that I read or hear. Examining my own beliefs. 

Yup, I’ve been questioning everything! 

Except the pandemic. It’s hard to dispute facts. Though people try. 

As an Aquarian, I do think outside the box. I see the larger picture for the greater good of humanity. But, I can be a bit analytical, too logical at times. So, when the facts are there, I embrace them wholeheartedly, even if they are a bit out there. It’s the logic behind them that I see. But, where I can’t find the logic is with all things religious or spiritual, it’s harder to buy into. Yet, I still feel called to this path even if there are no clear answers. Or logic. 

Or consistency. 

One person will express their opinion and another will post theirs which is either contradictory or just slightly different. I realize that within the religious and spiritual communities there are no “experts.” Otherwise, there wouldn’t be so many divisions within each religion. Take Christianity for example. First, we had the Catholics, then the Protestants later broke off during the Reformation and later the Mormons started their church. While I’m not fully aware of any divisions within the Catholic Church, the number of different divisions within the Protestant side of the coin boggles the mind; Methodist, Presbyterian, Lutheran and Baptist, to name a few. Even within those groups there are sub- and sub-sub- groups. I am aware of a couple of different branches from the Mormon tree. 

Even Buddhism has its own different schools of thought as well, since various branches formed as Buddhism spread throughout Asia and then the world. Even those have changed over time. 

Yoga and the Tarot, as well, have different schools thought. I know they’re not religions but this still fits my narrative. 

I know I’ve been a bit vague here; let me try and explain where this affects me a bit further. I’ve been intrigued by the chakra system and working with life’s energies. Even here, there are a few beliefs over exactly how many chakras there are.

According to the ancient beliefs of India, the chakras are energy centers located along the spine running from the base to the top of the head. It is believed that if our energy is flowing smoothly through the chakras then all is well. It is also believed that should the chakras become blocked or overactive then we’d be out of balance and either under- or over-productive. Most agree there are seven main chakras along the spine and few suggest one or two above the crown of the head and one below the feet. Some even suggest there are a few minor ones located around the body, as in the palms of the hands and soles of the feet. 

Lately, I’ve been hearing the term Age of Aquarius being bandied about. Yet, I recall hearing something about it back in the late 1960’s after the production of the musical Hair. 

Hair tells the story of a tribe of young adults fully engulfed in the hippie counterculture of the time and fighting their conservative parents and society over things like conscription, the Vietnam War, sexuality, illicit drugs and hair. The depiction of these topics in the musical caused a lot of controversy. As did the use of rock music in a Broadway musical. Sacrilege! 

The musical opens with the song, Aquarius, and the line This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius.

So, if 1968 was the dawning of the Age of Aquarius back then, how can it be dawning now? Has it dawned and set? Is it dawning again? What exactly is the Age of Aquarius?

According to the songwriters, it is a period of: 

Harmony and understanding 

Sympathy and trust abounding 

No more falsehoods or derisions 

Golden living dreams of visions 

Mystic crystal revelation 

And the mind's true liberation 

Astrologers can’t even agree on when it is (or was) so maybe the songwriters took license with the opening lines: 

When the moon is in the Seventh House 

And Jupiter aligns with Mars 

Then peace will guide the planets 

And love will steer the stars 

This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius 

James Rado / Gerome Ragni / Galt Mac Dermot 

Aquarius / Let the Sunshine In (The Flesh Failures) lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

According to astrologers, the moon is in the seventh house for a short two hour period every day, and Jupiter aligns with Mars multiple times a year since astrologers have a few different ways of defining alignment; conjunction, opposition, and square to name a few. 

The ideals of the Age of Aquarius (according to the song at least) seemed to fit in with the hippie counterculture, and the civil rights, Women’s Lib, and gay rights movements of the times. Yet, it didn’t seem to stick, did it? We are still fighting for civil rights for non-white minorities, women still don’t get equal pay for equal work, and LGBTQ people are still being fired or killed for their identity. 

With so many different opinions/schools of thought in the various areas of my life; which Tarot school is right, how does one know exactly how many chakras there are, and exactly what is the Age of Aquarius and when it was/is/will be, what does one believe? Where does one put their faith? Their trust? Their hope? And these are not the only areas I'm questioning, but I didn't want to write a doctoral thesis on my confusion.

My belief is that it has to be in the Self. 

And with whatever resonates with me. 

And then emotionally detach from those who believe otherwise for they, too, are operating with what resonates with them.

Detachment is never easy. 

Therein lie my struggles. 

So, when Uranus and Mercury finally move on from each other in April 2021, maybe then I’ll move into a better place.

Perhaps, I'll achieve my own harmony and understanding.

October's Queen

Radiant Rider Waite Smith Tarot

We’ve now moved into November, meaning 2020 is drawing nearer to a close. Plus, it means a new month which signals a check in with my New Year reading for October.

My card was the lovely Queen of Swords. Well, some people don’t think she’s that lovely. Swords is the suit of the mind and all that goes on up there. It’s also connected to Air energy and like the air itself, our mind is never completely still. Thoughts come and go like gentle breezes on a spring day or those powerful Santa Ana winds common to Southern California.

Even when we, or at least I, meditate thoughts will creep in and pull us away  from our meditation. Or try to, at least. But, I digress from Her Majesty.

As I mentioned in a previous post, she is the Queen of her Mind. Any kind of mental expansion falls under her domain. So, she rules thought, ideas, clarity, understanding and honesty. Where honesty falls, truth can’t be far behind and we all know that the truth can hurt.

Just like a sword.

Therefore both must be handled with care.

I believe the Queen of Swords is a bit better at it than her husband, the King. She, in my opinion and readings, can bring a bit of balance and a touch of feminine intuition or emotion into the situation to soften the sting, being a bit more diplomatic. Therefore, she would be a good counselor. Unless, she’s reversed.

Which she is here.

Bianco Nero Tarot, Marco Proietto
(c)2018 US Games

I read reversed single cards as energy directed inward to the seeker, in this case, that would be me. 

This indeed has been a rough month in terms of facing some deep inner truths about myself and the world at large, rougher than I had imagined. I previously covered some of this in my post on Saturn and Venus, only to discover that Uranus and Mercury are having another intense moment or year which could lead (and probably will) to another post.

I'm not sure if anyone is aware but we were having an election here in the United States. Watching myself react to the news and all the dis- and misinformation being spread around, both about the election and the Coronavirus, led me to seriously consider abandoning all social media (which I pretty much had anyway). Seeing and hearing of people blatantly disregard the protocols for managing the virus has caused me to seriously consider fully embracing my Hermit soul and withdraw even more from society. 

But, what would that truly accomplish?

Nothing more than a deepening distrust of people which had already been underway and somewhat underscored by Saturn and Venus.

And in reality isn’t very healthy.

But, I can only do what’s right for me, retreat when I need and explore when I feel like it.

I will continue my daily walks (weather permitting-which really isn’t a problem in Southern California.) I will continue with my morning meditations and Qi Gong practices with some occasional yoga thrown in.

These last months of 2020 will be challenging for me, at least on a mental level, as the last three cards are all Swords. Many people shudder when Swords appear as they are connected to our thoughts. We all know that thoughts can be dangerous as they can lead to overthinking which often causes us to create dramatic scenarios in our minds or leads us down paths we shouldn’t be following therefore creating anxiety or depression. I don’t feel all Swords cards are to be feared, in fact the truth shouldn’t be, as painful as it might be.

In fact the card for November is one of my favorite cards of the suit.

The Four.

Let’s see how this plays out. 

Radiant Rider Waite Smith Tarot

 

Me, My Shadow and the Hermit

A while back I wrote about the King of Swords, a card I use as a significator in a tarot reading. The energies/qualities of the King are very much aligned with the personality traits of Aquarius, my astrological sun sign. So, when he appears in a reading, I pay close attention to where he is and how he interacts with the other cards to see how it might affect me.

There’s another card in the deck I identify with, but in a different way; the Hermit.

Rider-Waite-Smith Tarot

When we think of a hermit, we usually picture an old man who lives alone on a mountainside somewhere isolated by choice from society and seeking inner wisdom. He sees beyond the trappings of society on both a material and spiritual level. Therefore, he is also sought out by others seeking his wisdom regarding the problems in their own lives.

When we look at the Hermit in the Rider-Waite-Smith deck-the “standard” deck by which other contemporary decks take their inspiration-we see an old man in gray robes with a staff and lantern walking along the top of a mountain. His is a simple card, uncluttered with other details, emphasizing his aloneness and simplicity of life. The staff helps him maintain balance and the lantern lights his way in the darkness while simultaneously lighting the way to him for anyone who seeks his guidance.

When I first began my tarot studies almost three years ago, I took a short six-week class from another reader. In the first session, we studied the Major Arcana, one of the two principal groups in the deck. The Hermit falls in this group. The King of Swords falls in the Minor Arcana, the other principal group of cards. It was during this class, I first encountered my connection to the Hermit.

Using a strategy from Mary K. Greer’s book, Who Are You in the Tarot?, (c)2011, Weiser Books, the instructor had us take our complete birthdate and add those numbers together. For example: 1958+02+11=1971. Then we added those individual digits; 1+9+7+1=18. If that sum was less than 23, we took the corresponding numbered card as our personality card which for me, is the Moon. We then added those digits to get a single digit number which would represent our soul card, in my case 1+8=9, the Hermit. So, the Hermit came to represent my soul.

Rider-Waite-Smith Tarot

(If the sum of the four digits was greater than or equal to 23, we just added both digits to get a single number, or if the four digit total equaled a single digit number, then the card in question represented both the personality and the soul of that individual.) 

But this is about me.

I felt the Hermit fit me on that deeper level; someone on a path of deep introspection, pulling away from society as he finds his values are somewhat different than the mainstream, someone seeking answers yet also willing to teach others.

Radiant Tarot

My second encounter with the Hermit was also on that same day. As we were studying just the Major Arcana that first session, the instructor had us take out only the Major cards from the deck, shuffle them and pull three to represent our life path. The first card I drew was the Hermit! I guess we’re linked now.

For the record, the second and third cards were the Wheel of Fortune and the High Priestess, suggesting that the path of the Hermit is part of my life’s destiny and I will find my Higher Self in the subconscious and assist others as well, like a High Priest(ess) would.

I recently read the book, Tarot for Troubled Times by Shaheen Miro and Theresa Reed, (c)2019, Weiser Books. While these are indeed troubling times, the intent of this book is to help people confront their Shadow self. The authors describe our Shadow as the place where we lock away our fears and insecurities, our monsters and our demons; where we feel lost, abandoned and confused. They also go on to say we are only capable of healing our past and overcoming those fears by confronting our Shadow head on. The purpose of this book was to learn to use the tarot as a means to that end.

Rider-Waite-Smith
Tarot

The authors recommend using the cards of the Major Arcana as archetypes to begin to confront our Shadow. Each Major Arcana card carries a message in its energy and using this energy and message can help assist anyone interested in facing their Shadow. Their suggested method of determining an archetype to begin working with was using the birthdate, which resulted in the Hermit for me. Quelle surprise! They go on to state we might not connect with the suggested archetype; therefore, we can choose any other archetype to work with if we choose, or even work with a couple at a time.

For every archetype, they offer specific ideas for working with each one; an affirmation, the positive aspects to strive for, the Shadow aspects to be aware of and confront, and suggested actions to take. For the Hermit, these are their suggestions:

• Affirmation:”I honor my need for introspection."
• Positive aspects: wise, in touch with inner wisdom, introspection;
• Shadow aspects: cannot be alone, out of touch with inner guidance, dependent on a guru, fearful of others, not learning from mistakes;
• Actions: Learn as much as possible about current events-seek knowledge, teach what you know.

I do see this as an appropriate archetype for me to work with in beginning to face my Shadow. I will say I love the affirmation and feel that I already embody some of the positive aspects of the Hermit. Yet, I see areas in my life where I could use some more inner guidance. I don’t see myself dependent on a guru nor am I fearful of others, at least not on a superficial level, some deeper fear of others might suggest another archetype to work with. Perhaps there are some mistakes I haven’t quite learned from, yet. I have never been much into politics as I feel it’s a personal choice and decision. Plus, I don’t argue discuss well. I think I addressed this in another post. Current events might be a bit easier, but again, with controversial topics, it becomes difficult. I try to employ a Buddhist teaching or two: what works for you, may not work for me and vice versa; and a non-attachment policy is hard to maintain. Especially when I believe I’m right and my views/opinions serve the greater good for all humanity and the planet and yours don't. Or, at least I don't see that they do. I guess I do have some work to do, though not all of the work I feel I need to do may fall under the archetype of the Hermit.

But, I feel he is a good place for me to start.

At the least, he could remind the King of Swords when to sheathe his Sword of Truth.

King of Swords,

Radiant Tarot

Saturn Conjunct Venus

As a teenager, I was interested in the odd, even that which bordered on the occult. The developing science around Extra Sensory Perception, or ESP, captured my attention. I devoured stories of the unusual, the odd, the bizarre. I’d studied a bit of astrology back then, but focused mainly on the meaning of the sun signs. I read Dracula by Bram Stoker and looooooved it. I was captivated by the '60s Gothic Soap Opera Dark Shadows and still enjoy it to this day. The old Universal Monster films were some of my favorites.

Yes, I was odd. 

With my current interest in the Tarot and the astrological connection with the cards, I’ve broadened my studies of astrology. While I have an understanding of the sun signs and a beginning understanding of the ascendant and moon signs, I’m just beginning to study the other components that make up the whole of astrology: charts, planets, houses, aspects and transits-both current and natal.

I wasn’t sure how all this could come together and what it could, or would, mean until I read a short astrological forecast report from Astro.com. I had input some basic data, then downloaded the report simply for the kicks and giggles of it. Or was it something else that prompted me to read it? 

(c)NASA

According to this report, Saturn is conjunct my natal Venus. Sounds kinky…but what does that mean? 

What this means is that Saturn, the planet, is currently crossing a point in the sky where Venus was at the moment of my birth.

But, let’s examine the energies of these two heavenly bodies before we get into what their entanglement means for me.

thoughtco.com

Venus, like the goddess, stands for all things relationship oriented; how we interact with others and approach love. She also likes the finer things in life and can be a bit materialistic, so she also looks over our money and our approach to it.

Saturn, the god, is believed to be the father of Jupiter, Neptune, Pluto, Juno, Ceres and Vesta. Like a father providing structure to his family, the planet Saturn is about restrictions, structure, constrictions and likes to remind us of our boundaries, limitations and commitments.

Mygodpictures.com 

These two will be dancing together through my life until January 2021. 

So what does this mean for me?

Well, since Saturn is about limitations, boundaries and structure and Venus is about relationships and money, I’ll be a bit more introspective and evaluating both areas. I’ll be reviewing those relationships in my life and reflecting on the limitations and boundaries within them I’ll need to strengthen. I should also be looking at structure in my relationships: what do I need from them? Do they meet my needs? Maybe any relationship no longer serving my greater good could even get the old heave-ho. In short, I’ll be facing some harsh realizations. Very harsh realizations about relationships and money.

(c)NASA

I find this very interesting as I’ve kind of been in this frame of mind already and looking at my connections to others and seeing who, if any, I should begin to weed out or attempt to strengthen my bond with by setting limitations and boundaries. What makes this even more intriguing to me is that these two planets first met up back in March of this year and that's about when I’d begun seriously looking at my finances and what extraneous spending needs to be whittled down. Just last month I began to refinance my mortgage which is giving me a fresh look at my budget and overall financial situation. Taking the intrigue factor one step further is the fact I hadn't even thought about refinancing until I had to take care of some other bank business and the Customer Service Representative noticed I had my mortgage with them and that current interest rates were lower than what I was already paying. One thing lead to another and the loan will be finalized this week.

The fact that I was already in this frame of mind when I read this report startled me. Is it more than a coincidence?? Or are the planetary energies truly influencing me?

And that was only the first paragraph of the report. I wonder what the other planets have in store for me?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Three Cheers for September

Rider Waite Smith Tarot

As we enter October, it's time to review last month's card which was the happy times of the Three of Cups.

And I must say I was a bit disappointed. But first, let’s look at the card.

Bianco Nero Tarot, Marco Proietto
(c)2018 US Games

The energy centers around three young women dressed in fine robes. In my head, they’re made of silk. But, I digress. The three are each raising a cup as in a toast or celebration. What those cups are filled with is anyone’s guess, but symbolically the suit of Cups is associated with water and our emotions, feelings, intuition and connections to others, i.e., relationships. Traditionally, this card is read as a celebration with friends, networking on a social level, gatherings, parties, friendships and happy times. 

Coming after the high energy of August's Queen of Wands, I was hoping for a continuation of that feeling and connecting or socializing more. But, if that didn’t happen, it isn’t the card’s fault. It’s mine. While my mood has been lighter lately, I certainly wouldn’t call it celebratory.

But, even with Covid restrictions in place here in Los Angeles, I did mingle more than I had been doing in the recent past. Just maybe not enough as I had hoped.

I returned to a group I felt I needed a hiatus from. It was nice seeing some friendly faces once again.

One of the hidden
staircases in Los Angeles

I stepped out for a self-guided themed walk with two other friends on a lovely early autumn day. The theme of this walk was hidden staircases in Los Angeles. Many of these hidden staircases were built when Los Angeles was connected more by streetcar and public transportation than miles of interstates and highways. These public staircases were necessary to help pedestrians get to and from their homes and the streetcar lines and were built as shortcuts from one level of a neighborhood to another in the hillier areas of the city. Often these staircases were built by the Public Works Administration in the 1930s and 40s. An additional aspect of this particular walk was a two block area of historic Victorian and Craftsman homes. One of the Victorians was even featured in a television show.

So, maybe the energy to do more was there in the cards, but maybe my energy was what was lacking. Or maybe it was just enough. It takes time to emerge from a cocoon during a transformation. Especially when one isn’t quite sure the transformation isn’t quite complete.

And yes, these last few years have felt like a transformation-stepping out of an old persona into a new one, shedding an outdated belief system for a different one. The images of a phoenix rising from the flames, a snake shedding its old skin or a caterpillar metamorphosing into a butterfly all come to mind.

Embarking on, or awakening to, a more spiritual path from a rather ordinary, regular one is not easy. I try to let go and let the Universe guide me. And trust in its guidance. I try very hard not to be judgmental of those with differing views, whether spiritual, religious, secular or political. These days, that last one is truly trying my patience, compassion and understanding.

My family life taught me to keep my mouth shut as my opinion was not respected as I was a bit more liberal than my parents. Perhaps, even then I was more concerned with humanity and the greater good for all than most people my age. Even now, I find it hard to speak up, even with an effort to simply explain my point of view and not persuade anyone to abandon their beliefs. I can only hope to enlighten them.

This brings the Serenity Prayer to mind with a few of my own realizations added:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

(the opinions, beliefs and attitudes of others)

the courage to change the things I can

(only my own opinions, beliefs and attitudes)

and the wisdom to know the difference.

(and the strength to hold back.)

Maybe that's why I've remained withdrawn a bit lately, even with some baby steps forward.

On to October, and the often difficult Queen of Swords.

And she's reversed. This could be interesting.

Bianco Nero Tarot. Marco Proietto
(c)2018, US Games, Inc.

A gorgeous Victorian

This Victorian was featured in
"Charmed"
1998-2006

Something's Missing

Shortly into this pandemic/lockdown/quarantine someone asked me what I missed. Did I miss going out or hanging out with friends? Did I miss going to the movies? Did I miss eating in restaurants? 

Being as I did very little of that before the whatever-this-is set in, I can say yeah, I kinda miss those things. Except the movies. I think the last movies I paid to see in theaters were Harriet in 2019 and Aquaman in 2018. So, you get the picture, no pun intended. Well, maybe a little intended. I do miss having friends over to socialize, catch up and play games or just hanging out over coffee, but dining out, not so much. I’m not fond of crowds and noisy environments, therefore restaurants tend to push my buttons, a bit.  As do movie theaters.

I think what I miss the most is believing in the good of others. Yet, being a gay man, I think I’d forgotten how people can disappoint you.

Many people accepted me as a gay man and as a friend/colleague, yet drew the line when the question came to same-sex marriage. That was still reserved for the heterosexuals. We were still beneath them, not equal.

In 2000, California voters had passed Proposition 22 which amended the Family Code to state “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.” This was a statute and eventually struck down as it was inconsistent with the state constitution. In 2008, California voters were asked to decide, for the second time, if same-sex couples should be granted the right to legally marry. For the second time, California voters said no. This time, Proposition 8 passed, now amending the state constitution with that same statement. Yet, on that same 2008 ballot, voters also decided that farm animals raised for food should not be confined in such a way that they could not fully extend their limbs, lie down, stand up or turn freely. In essence, California voters gave more rights to farm animals than to LGBT couples.

I also remember the HIV/AIDS pandemic of the late 80s. In the beginning of the pandemic, when very little of the disease was known except that it seemed to affect gay men mostly, people panicked because there was confusion over how it was spread. Whether we were ill or not, gay men were shunned even more than we were before. Within the gay male community itself, friends turned against friends when someone was suspected of having it. When it appeared initially to be affecting only gay men, very little action was taken to curb the disease. Politicians at all levels of government were reluctant to even discuss it, let alone work on any budget items to find funding for research or for assistance for those affected. After all, the right people were dying. One of my favorite sitcoms of the time, Designing Women, even titled an episode Killing All The Right People. The plot revolved around the women designing a funeral for a young man dying of AIDS. Another customer and long time friend of one of the women launches into a tirade about gay men deserving what they get, that gay men were responsible for bringing it to the rest of the people due to their lifestyle. The show’s firebrand character, Julia Sugarbaker, left nothing unsaid as she launched into her own counter tirade. Once we learned that it was transmitted by bodily fluids including blood, thereby potentially infecting anyone receiving a blood transfusion, i.e., heterosexuals, only then, were steps taken.

(For Julia’s tirade, see the link below.)

While I don’t see the shunning of gay men now, I do see some similarities in how this virus is being handled. In spite of the fact more politicians seem to recognize that something needs to be done, there is still no coordinated national effort and as a result, there is still no uniform message regarding safety measures. This is being left up to the individual states and then on a county-by-county basis. Yes, there is some rationale to treating the rural areas a bit differently than the urban/suburban areas. But, there also needs to be some uniformity. And this lack of clear information has lead to some of the confusion as how best to curtail the virus. Do masks help? Is closing businesses really necessary? Is the government doing enough or overreaching?

And here is where I see things falling apart.

People are more concerned with how the situation will affect them individually. I saw a sign on a shop, that no one in a mask would be served. A recently formed social group on MeetUp stated no one in a mask would be admitted to their events. Both the sign and the group’s post claimed it was their right to hug, to shake hands. To be “normal.” 

It was even their right to not wear a mask.

They said no one will take those rights away from them.

Yet, I ask, is it not normal to care for others? To have respect for one’s neighbor? I’m guessing not.

And this is what I’m missing.

Respect for the rights of the rest of humanity.

I recall other situations where individual rights were “taken away” for the sake of safety.

The Great Seat Belt Fight

In the 1980s, then-Secretary of Transportation Elizabeth Dole, championed mandatory seat belt laws. Her fight for these laws, which were based on traffic accident statistics, seemed to stir the similar divisions that we see today over masks; the government was infringing on personal liberties; conservatives refused to comply, while liberals felt the seat belt laws were necessary to save lives and wearing a seat belt was not taking away an important freedom, such as the right to bear arms. Then-Massachusetts State Senator Salvatore Albano even said those who opposed the laws wanted “the right to be splattered all over their windshields.”(1)

But, the plea for increased seat belt usage began even earlier. People were reluctant to wear them for a variety of reasons as seen in the PSA from the 1970s below.

Yet, now we think nothing of wearing it. It’s automatic. We get in a car, we buckle in. Some cars even do it for us. 

The Motorcycle Headgear Wars

After four years of legislative bickering, in 1991, then-California Governor Pete Wilson, signed into law a bill requiring motorcycle, motor scooter and motorized bicycle riders to wear protective headgear. California law already required riders under the age of 15 1/2 years to wear helmets as well as all riders of any off-road vehicle.

The backlash prior to signing the law was similar to the sentiments of the Great Seat Belt fight. One man was quoted as saying, “Let the people make their own choices. What’s next? They gonna make me wear pink leather?”

Another was quoted as saying, “We already have a mother. We don’t need another one in the government!”(2)

Yet, both laws were signed with the seat belt laws being left to the states to pass and enforce.

As of this writing, in California the fine for riding without a helmet is $197 and for no seatbelt it is $162 for the first offense and $192 for each subsequent offense. It should also be noted that some states enforce the no-seat belt law as a primary enforcement, while others see it as secondary, meaning a driver can be cited for no seat belt, only if the driver was stopped for another infraction, whereas a primary enforcement means the driver can be stopped for no seat belt. In California, it’s a primary enforcement.

While comparing the arguments over the rights to wear or not wear seat belts and helmets versus the rights around wearing masks are greatly different-vehicular safety issues versus general public health, I find it interesting the clamor over the laws and rights for the former has largely dissipated. And maybe the reason is money, i.e., the fines. People have accepted the finality of the laws. And yes, the fights were years ago and we are in a new generation. But, still...

In both arguments, taxpayer funds were cited for the aftermath, whether for long-term health care of the accident victims, law enforcement investigation of the accidents or the clearing of the debris off the roadway. Could that be one reason to appeal to some? If you wear a mask, less taxpayer money will be spent on Medicare or Medi-Cal because others won’t be getting sick. Since viruses will affect more people over a longer term, ultimately more taxpayer money will be spent in their health care than the numbers of people affected by traffic accidents. Just a thought.

Maybe the government just needs to fine people for not wearing a mask or for congregating in large groups.

Some California cities and counties are doing just that. In Los Angeles, the mayor has decreed any house found to repeatedly host gatherings of 10 or more people who don’t live there will have their utilities turned off. (In reality, I’m not sure how enforceable this is. But, I like this approach.) In some places, first offenses for not wearing a mask range from a warning/citation/fine with fines ranging anywhere from $25 to $400, $100 being the most common. Subsequent fines range from $200-$2,000. The city of Los Angeles is not currently fining people for not wearing a mask.(3)

While I don’t like fining people, especially during these financially difficult times, the fines stemming from the helmet and seat belt laws seemed to work as more people have survived accidents and suffered less severe trauma. Plus, car designs have also improved safety measures. But, if that’s what is needed to help curtail this virus, maybe more governments need to implement something.

Yet, we could avoid all this rigmarole and sickening divisiveness, if we just practiced a bit of compassion for others.

And wore the damn mask. 

For Julia Sugarbaker's reply to the customer, click here

For the safety belt PSA, click here

(1)For the full text of the Washington Post article, click here.

(2)For the LA Times article on motorcycle helmet law protests, click here. 

(3)For the complete list of California cities and counties and their fines, click here.

One August Queen

Bianco Nero Tarot,
Marco Proietto, (C)2018 US Games, Inc.

After the last four months of reversed cards in my New Year Reading; The Magician, The Wheel of Fortune, the 8 of Swords and the 7 of Swords, I finally get to an upright card for the month of August.

And what an upright card it is.

The Queen of Wands!

One of my fellow readers calls this Queen, “One bad a$s b*tch!”

I don’t think of her quite that reverently though I do admire her energy and outlook. I should say my friend’s comment about this Queen comes with great admiration and she uses the energies of the Queen as a role model, or in tarot-speak, as a significator; meaning when this Queen pops up in a reading for my friend, she pays more attention to where the Queen falls and the message she conveys in the reading.

Rider Waite Tarot

When looking at the traditional card for the Queen of Wands, the color yellow pops out. We see it in her robe, her crown, the desert in the lower left, the sunflowers and in her hair. Yellow reminds me of the sun which is also connected with the sunflowers, as it's in the name, after all. The back of her throne has a bit of orange in it which is next to yellow on the color wheel. Wands is the suit connected with fire energy and as we know, fire cannot be still. Like air, fire is never calm as even the flame of a candle dances. This is one Queen who is on the go.

This suit is also connected to our passions, to that spark (See. Fire again!) that drives us, that motivates us to get on with life, to live life to the fullest.

Wands is also considered one of the Masculine, or Yang, suits as the drive to succeed is considered a masculine trait. Traditionally, women have been seen less ambitious, more emotional, staying at home, taking care of the children and household. So here we have a woman trying to be taken seriously in a man's world, breaking with tradition. Think of the suffragettes fighting for their rights. Think of the Women's Lib movement. Think of HM Elizabeth I.

The Queen of Wands is one determined woman who knows what she wants and doesn’t let anyone stand in her way. She will not bulldoze over you if you give her room to pursue her passions but, get in her way and she might step on you like a cockroach. Especially if she is reversed! I also like to think of her as a “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” woman who helps others achieve their goals as long as you don’t impede her. Just don’t stab her in the back while scratching it. Hell hath no fury like this Queen scorned.

Being she is so determined to accomplish her goals, she is also confident in herself. She knows she will succeed. She also knows she’s quite charming and can use her charms to assist her in her queenly quest. When she walks into the room, all eyes turn to her and many are captivated by her presence and aura. 

When we compare her to the other Queens, we see she is the only one facing forward, even though she is glancing off to her left, somewhat dispassionately. She is also sitting with her legs apart somewhat suggestively, not a very royal posture. I like to view this posture as one that suggests she tackles life head on doing what she feels might be necessary to succeed.

The Four Queens
Rider Waite Tarot

I could feel her energy around me this month. I’d been in an emotional slump. With those four reversed cards, two of them being pointy swords, who could blame me? But, something turned around for me, besides just this month's card.

I’ve been writing more, mostly for the blog, but not my other projects though I can feel the itch to do so. I’d been exploring another project and taking more steps into solidifying that. I’d stepped out safely with a friend for an invigorating walk and planned more with her. I’d started an art project and hope to hang it soon.

Perhaps the Queen of Wands has a message for us all. With the world in this current situation, I feel we need to live life to the fullest as safely as possible. Sometimes that means staying home and finding enjoyable things to do around the house, maybe some creative endeavors. Sometimes, that means stepping out, masked and distanced, and enjoying someone’s company. For me, it means avoiding indoor places for extended periods of time, e.g., planes, trains, busses and restaurants. It also means avoiding crowds.

Sadly, I have come to believe this virus will be with us indefinitely. We have not eliminated other coronaviruses which cause the common cold as they tend to mutate. I believe it will eventually be managed, like the common flu. I feel our medical and scientific communities will get a better understanding of it, eventually. Until then, it is up to us to help slow the virus to give them a chance to do so, ultimately for our benefit.

Yes, we all could benefit by channelling the energy of the Queen of Wands to live life to the fullest yet as safely as possible. After all, a healthy economy thrives on healthy, living workers and consumers.

So, let’s hear it for this august Queen.

On to September and the Three of Cups. 

Destiny or Fate?

Over the last few years, very few of the newer broadcast shows have failed to hold my interest. Friends suggest a show, I watch it only to find myself reaching for my iPad to play a few games. Or, better yet, a book to read. I tell my friends my impression and admit I was lost, gone, or bored silly within the first fifteen minutes. “No!" they cry, "It gets better. Give it time." I reluctantly agree to give it another try, but still, no such luck. I don’t do violence so the mass hysteria over The Walking Diaries, Vampire Thrones or The Game of Dead, or whatever they were called, was lost on me.

Plus, my retirement budget has asked me to give up cable so network shows are not readily available, regardless of how good they may be. Yes, I am aware that most major networks have their own apps for streaming but full access still comes at a price. I did find a newer show I liked but tuned in during its third season. I downloaded the network’s app only to discover the past seasons were available for a small fortune. Each.

Daniel Goddard as Dar

I discovered my Amazon Prime membership does includes streaming. The first few times I tried to access a show someone recommended, it was only available for purchase or rental. This was not the agreement I thought I had with Amazon Prime as I was under the assumption all streaming was free. Yes, I know what they say about assuming. Yet, I was delighted to find one of my favorite shows from the late 1990s on Amazon Prime. For free!!

Beastmaster tells the story of Dar, the last of his tribe. He has the gift of animal telepathy which he uses as he travels the lands of his domain helping those in distress, human and animal alike. His closest friends are Ruh, a tiger; Sharak, an eagle; and Kodo and Podo, two adorable ferrets. (But, all ferrets are adorable, in my opinion.) I’ve always been drawn to the big cats and tigers were always my favorite. Birds of Prey have also captured my interest and ferrets are so cute. (Plus, Ferret is one of the first two Spirit Guides I met!!) Since this is right up my alley, it became my show to never miss. Plus, Dar runs around wearing just a loin cloth which is a nice plus. Oh, yeah, he does have a human sidekick to keep a connection to the reality aspect of life. 

But, what has puzzled me and became one of the reasons for this post, was the use of the word fate. Overseeing Dar's world, is an old wizard called the Ancient One. He drops the word like Hansel and Gretel dropped breadcrumbs in their attempt to find their way out of the forest. He believes fate dictates what will happen to us and we have no choice to eventually accept what happens. 

Courtesy of Fine Art America

Plus, a recent conversation with a friend regarding destiny got me thinking about destiny and fate and what they actually mean. My SOTD (Severe OverThinking Disorder) strikes again. 

The ancient Greeks believed three women collectively called the Fates wove the tapestry of life thus connecting us to all that surrounds us. According to the myths, we each had a thread in this tapestry that the Fates wove. The first Fate, Clothos, added our thread to the Great Spindle when we were born. The second, Lachesis, took our thread and wove it into the tapestry and the third, Atropos, cut it from the weaving when we were no longer part of the tapestry of life, or in other words, when we died. It seemed in this myth, we also had no choice, per se.

An ancient Chinese myth tells of the red thread of destiny. Hmmm, thread again. In some versions of the myth, it's a ribbon, but still red. According to this myth, those who are destined to end up together are connected by an invisible red thread. (If it’s invisible, how do we know it’s red? See, I overthink.) This thread cannot be broken, cut or removed. The red thread of destiny also turns up in Japanese and Korean myths as well. But, what happens if you marry the person that isn’t connected to you? Allegedly, it will either be an unhappy marriage or a shorter one, because  according to the myth, no matter the circumstances, time, or whatnot, the two will eventually end up together. This kind of goes along with the Western idea of a soulmate or destined partner. It’s also similar to the Greek myth where Zeus cut the original humans who had two heads, four arms, four legs but one soul in half, then cursing us to wander for all eternity searching for our “other half.” 

The words fate and destiny have been intermingled for a while now, maybe even centuries. 

Over the past few years, I’ve come up with my own understanding of both fate and destiny, regardless of the ancients.

I believe they are not the same. In fact, I believe they are opposite each other.

I firmly believe we all have a destiny.

I believe our destiny is to be the best version of ourselves as we can. Sometimes that calls for us to face challenges and painful moments. Everything we have gone through has brought us to the present moment shaping us to be the person we are and the person we are yet to become.

I believe that out of the pain we have suffered we can grow. Yes, no pain, no gain-emotional, physical, even spiritual. We can’t have the light without the dark and vice versa. Adversity makes us stronger, that which does not kill you, there is no lotus without the mud, yada, yada, yada and all that.

Yet, we must face that pain from the past in order to heal and move beyond it in order to achieve our destiny. But, what if we don’t face that pain? What if we don’t heal? What if we don’t learn from the lessons from the past?  More on that later.

As we travel our life’s path, we often come to crossroads, i.e., dilemmas, conflicts, etc., and then have to make some decisions. Which direction do I go? We make our choice and depending what we choose we either continue on to our destiny or seal our fate.

Let me elaborate.

When we travel, we have a destination in mind. When I travel to visit my mother, my destination is Atlanta, Georgia. When I drove to work, my destination was my school. But what is our destination as we travel our life’s path? We have no physical destination which I then interpret to mean our destination is to be the best version of ourselves we can be. Can it be a mere coincidence that destination and destiny begin with the same letters?

Even Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary agrees with me defining destiny as:

1. Something to which a person or thing is destined;
2. A predetermined course of events often held to be an irresistible power or agency

And destination as:

1. The purpose for which something is predetermined or destined;
2. An act of appointing, setting aside for a purpose, or predetermining;

3. 

   Courtesy of Laughtard

   A place to which someone is journeying or to which something is sent;
4. A place worthy of travel or an extended visit.

(I hate it when they use a form of the word to define the word. But, anyway…)

As we come to the crossroads and face those decisions, we still have free will to choose a direction and confront the situation or not, meaning we would remain right where we are. We might choose what may feel like the better (easier?) path only later to find out we didn’t choose wisely in which case I believe life’s obstacles would guide us back to our path.

When I met my first partner, some red flags were flying in the wind, but I was young, naive, recently out and seeking a boyfriend. He was the first man in my life to want to stay past the second date, so I ignored the red flags. We were together for nine years before he passed away. In those nine years, I was not completely happy, but just comfortable (for a while, at least). I know that there are moments in all relationships when happiness is elusive due to extraneous factors. But, since I stayed and became more unhappy as time wore on, I sealed my fate, so to speak.

Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary defines fate as:

1. The will, principle or determining cause by which things in general are believed to come to be as they are or events to happen as they do;
2. An inevitable and often adverse outcome, condition or end; disaster-especially death; 
3. The final outcome; the expected result of normal development; the circumstances that befall someone or something.

Plus, as a transitive verb it’s defined as doom.

So, fate seems to carry a negative connotation: adverse, death, doom and even the expressions ‘sealed our fate’ and 'a fate worse than death’ kind of put a negative spin or finality on it all.

I agree with the negativity but not necessarily the finality. 

If we are headed in the wrong direction, we can always turn around.

A sealed envelope can always be unsealed.

If we don’t face the pain from the past, like an infection, it will fester and eventually resurface.

Villains are the ones who usually seal their fate unless they redeem themselves, which is indeed rare.

Accepting our destiny can be a painful and difficult path to walk. We always have the free will not to accept our destiny and remain right where we are, growing stagnant.

Eventually, stagnant water reeks.

While we might not exactly reek, I think our life would become miserable, mundane, rote. We would be unhappy, pessimistic and eventually, angry and bitter.

Not a good place to be.

OA

I feel I’m in need of an OA chapter.

Not Overeaters Anonymous.

Overthinkers Anonymous.

In a previous post, I mentioned my Aquarius/Libra combination along with the marriage of the King and Queen of Swords running around in my head. In the Tarot, the suit of Swords is connected to the Air element and Aquarius and Libra are both Air signs which makes me a double air person. Air is connected to the mind together with everything that goes along with it-thoughts, logic, learning, etc. Like the air itself, our thoughts can be quite turbulent at times, like a raging F5 tornado, though sometimes they can be a gentle breeze. But, rarely are they calm.

Clip art from Clipart Panda

With our current situations; political, social and Covid related, plus a few personal/emotional concerns, I’ve been in hyperdrive. Tornado sirens are going off in my head. Or the King and Queen are breeding like rabbits up there.

Even past situations have been coming back into play recently.

With the Black Lives Matter movement back in the mainstream news, I’ve taken a strong look at myself and how I may be unconsciously harboring racist and then by extension, sexist thoughts. Ones I might not have been aware of.

For example, many years ago, a young Black man, probably in his twenties, came knocking on my door. I live in a small gated community of thirty-five houses. He explained he had locked himself out of his house and heard I had a ladder tall enough to get in a second floor window so he could get his keys and wallet. Could he borrow it? Now, I had seen him once or twice in the community yet I still wondered if his story was true as I couldn’t place him in a particular house. But, I didn’t want to judge him based on his race and gender. I knew what I was doing-racially profiling him. I pushed that aside and offered to help him carry the ladder. As we walked to his house, I kept asking myself if I was doing the right thing. It bothered me that I had these thoughts the whole way there. He made it in the house, retrieved his keys and wallet then helped me bring the ladder back to my garage. He thanked me and went on his way.

As it turned out, during a Residents’ meeting later that month, I was talking with a Black woman who turned out to be his mother. I said I may have met her son and explained the situation. She told me how mad she got at him that he had locked himself out of the house and for the trouble he could have gotten himself into. She was grateful I helped him. I can’t recall if I explained my dilemma or not, but I’m sure she knew I must have had some thoughts along those lines.

I still feel badly for having had them.

One similar situation also has been coming to light lately. I was stopped at a red light on one hot afternoon also a few years ago. I decided then it was time to roll up the windows and turn on the air conditioning in my car. Just as I did this, a Black man was crossing the street in front of me. My thoughts were “OMG! I hope he doesn’t think I rolled up my windows because he was crossing in front of me!!” I tried to come back into the moment by reminding myself of my intentions and that I hadn’t seen him until after I started to roll up the windows and turn on the air. 

Now when I’m out for my morning walk and someone is walking toward me, if I can see they aren’t wearing a mask, I safely step into the street. Then I wonder if that person thinks I’m doing it because of their race. Especially if they aren’t white.

But, if they think what I think they think, then that is their business to process. I have more than enough trouble thinking about my thinking to worry about thinking what others are thinking. 

See, I told you I overthink.

I need help.

I’m trying to turn this curse into a blessing by not thinking about it. When I find my thoughts drifting into the darkness, I try to remember to bring myself back into the moment by focusing on what I am doing right then. Sometimes, if I’m walking, I focus on which foot I’m stepping with right then; right, left, right, left, etc. If I’m in my neighborhood, I focus on finding some detail of a house, a plant, or something new I hadn’t seen before. Or, I play music and focus on the lyrics. If I‘m out in nature, I focus on the sounds I’m hearing and try to identify them if possible. If I’m home, I concentrate on the task at hand, but how many times can you clean a bathroom, wash dishes, fold laundry or make the bed? Especially if you live alone? 

I will also try to focus on my breath making sure I'm breathing deep, abdominal breaths. Or I'll try a breathing strategy. Two I'll often use are:

• Breathe in for a count of four, hold for four, exhale for four, wait for four, repeat, or;
• Breathe in for a count of seven, hold for four, exhale for a count of eight, wait for a count of four, repeat.

But, my real trouble is at night when my guard is down so I can relax and drift away to sleep but my brain has other plans. Or in the morning when I’m beginning to achieve consciousness but still in that hazy, dreamy state and the train of thoughts is already pulling out of the station.

I wonder if there is such a thing as Overthinkers Anonymous and if there is a local chapter.

If not, maybe I should be a founding member?

I’ll have to think about it.