Destiny or Fate?

Over the last few years, very few of the newer broadcast shows have failed to hold my interest. Friends suggest a show, I watch it only to find myself reaching for my iPad to play a few games. Or, better yet, a book to read. I tell my friends my impression and admit I was lost, gone, or bored silly within the first fifteen minutes. “No!" they cry, "It gets better. Give it time." I reluctantly agree to give it another try, but still, no such luck. I don’t do violence so the mass hysteria over The Walking Diaries, Vampire Thrones or The Game of Dead, or whatever they were called, was lost on me.

Plus, my retirement budget has asked me to give up cable so network shows are not readily available, regardless of how good they may be. Yes, I am aware that most major networks have their own apps for streaming but full access still comes at a price. I did find a newer show I liked but tuned in during its third season. I downloaded the network’s app only to discover the past seasons were available for a small fortune. Each.

Daniel Goddard as Dar

I discovered my Amazon Prime membership does includes streaming. The first few times I tried to access a show someone recommended, it was only available for purchase or rental. This was not the agreement I thought I had with Amazon Prime as I was under the assumption all streaming was free. Yes, I know what they say about assuming. Yet, I was delighted to find one of my favorite shows from the late 1990s on Amazon Prime. For free!!

Beastmaster tells the story of Dar, the last of his tribe. He has the gift of animal telepathy which he uses as he travels the lands of his domain helping those in distress, human and animal alike. His closest friends are Ruh, a tiger; Sharak, an eagle; and Kodo and Podo, two adorable ferrets. (But, all ferrets are adorable, in my opinion.) I’ve always been drawn to the big cats and tigers were always my favorite. Birds of Prey have also captured my interest and ferrets are so cute. (Plus, Ferret is one of the first two Spirit Guides I met!!) Since this is right up my alley, it became my show to never miss. Plus, Dar runs around wearing just a loin cloth which is a nice plus. Oh, yeah, he does have a human sidekick to keep a connection to the reality aspect of life. 

But, what has puzzled me and became one of the reasons for this post, was the use of the word fate. Overseeing Dar's world, is an old wizard called the Ancient One. He drops the word like Hansel and Gretel dropped breadcrumbs in their attempt to find their way out of the forest. He believes fate dictates what will happen to us and we have no choice to eventually accept what happens. 

Courtesy of Fine Art America

Plus, a recent conversation with a friend regarding destiny got me thinking about destiny and fate and what they actually mean. My SOTD (Severe OverThinking Disorder) strikes again. 

The ancient Greeks believed three women collectively called the Fates wove the tapestry of life thus connecting us to all that surrounds us. According to the myths, we each had a thread in this tapestry that the Fates wove. The first Fate, Clothos, added our thread to the Great Spindle when we were born. The second, Lachesis, took our thread and wove it into the tapestry and the third, Atropos, cut it from the weaving when we were no longer part of the tapestry of life, or in other words, when we died. It seemed in this myth, we also had no choice, per se.

An ancient Chinese myth tells of the red thread of destiny. Hmmm, thread again. In some versions of the myth, it's a ribbon, but still red. According to this myth, those who are destined to end up together are connected by an invisible red thread. (If it’s invisible, how do we know it’s red? See, I overthink.) This thread cannot be broken, cut or removed. The red thread of destiny also turns up in Japanese and Korean myths as well. But, what happens if you marry the person that isn’t connected to you? Allegedly, it will either be an unhappy marriage or a shorter one, because  according to the myth, no matter the circumstances, time, or whatnot, the two will eventually end up together. This kind of goes along with the Western idea of a soulmate or destined partner. It’s also similar to the Greek myth where Zeus cut the original humans who had two heads, four arms, four legs but one soul in half, then cursing us to wander for all eternity searching for our “other half.” 

The words fate and destiny have been intermingled for a while now, maybe even centuries. 

Over the past few years, I’ve come up with my own understanding of both fate and destiny, regardless of the ancients.

I believe they are not the same. In fact, I believe they are opposite each other.

I firmly believe we all have a destiny.

I believe our destiny is to be the best version of ourselves as we can. Sometimes that calls for us to face challenges and painful moments. Everything we have gone through has brought us to the present moment shaping us to be the person we are and the person we are yet to become.

I believe that out of the pain we have suffered we can grow. Yes, no pain, no gain-emotional, physical, even spiritual. We can’t have the light without the dark and vice versa. Adversity makes us stronger, that which does not kill you, there is no lotus without the mud, yada, yada, yada and all that.

Yet, we must face that pain from the past in order to heal and move beyond it in order to achieve our destiny. But, what if we don’t face that pain? What if we don’t heal? What if we don’t learn from the lessons from the past?  More on that later.

As we travel our life’s path, we often come to crossroads, i.e., dilemmas, conflicts, etc., and then have to make some decisions. Which direction do I go? We make our choice and depending what we choose we either continue on to our destiny or seal our fate.

Let me elaborate.

When we travel, we have a destination in mind. When I travel to visit my mother, my destination is Atlanta, Georgia. When I drove to work, my destination was my school. But what is our destination as we travel our life’s path? We have no physical destination which I then interpret to mean our destination is to be the best version of ourselves we can be. Can it be a mere coincidence that destination and destiny begin with the same letters?

Even Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary agrees with me defining destiny as:

1. Something to which a person or thing is destined;
2. A predetermined course of events often held to be an irresistible power or agency

And destination as:

1. The purpose for which something is predetermined or destined;
2. An act of appointing, setting aside for a purpose, or predetermining;

3. 

   Courtesy of Laughtard

   A place to which someone is journeying or to which something is sent;
4. A place worthy of travel or an extended visit.

(I hate it when they use a form of the word to define the word. But, anyway…)

As we come to the crossroads and face those decisions, we still have free will to choose a direction and confront the situation or not, meaning we would remain right where we are. We might choose what may feel like the better (easier?) path only later to find out we didn’t choose wisely in which case I believe life’s obstacles would guide us back to our path.

When I met my first partner, some red flags were flying in the wind, but I was young, naive, recently out and seeking a boyfriend. He was the first man in my life to want to stay past the second date, so I ignored the red flags. We were together for nine years before he passed away. In those nine years, I was not completely happy, but just comfortable (for a while, at least). I know that there are moments in all relationships when happiness is elusive due to extraneous factors. But, since I stayed and became more unhappy as time wore on, I sealed my fate, so to speak.

Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary defines fate as:

1. The will, principle or determining cause by which things in general are believed to come to be as they are or events to happen as they do;
2. An inevitable and often adverse outcome, condition or end; disaster-especially death; 
3. The final outcome; the expected result of normal development; the circumstances that befall someone or something.

Plus, as a transitive verb it’s defined as doom.

So, fate seems to carry a negative connotation: adverse, death, doom and even the expressions ‘sealed our fate’ and 'a fate worse than death’ kind of put a negative spin or finality on it all.

I agree with the negativity but not necessarily the finality. 

If we are headed in the wrong direction, we can always turn around.

A sealed envelope can always be unsealed.

If we don’t face the pain from the past, like an infection, it will fester and eventually resurface.

Villains are the ones who usually seal their fate unless they redeem themselves, which is indeed rare.

Accepting our destiny can be a painful and difficult path to walk. We always have the free will not to accept our destiny and remain right where we are, growing stagnant.

Eventually, stagnant water reeks.

While we might not exactly reek, I think our life would become miserable, mundane, rote. We would be unhappy, pessimistic and eventually, angry and bitter.

Not a good place to be.