Friday, August 3, 2012
I had a kind of date, maybe. No, I guess it was a date. Really. I dressed for it. I have a profile on an app, which I have blogged about, and I started chatting with someone, not 317 miles away, or 2,489 miles, but only 20 miles away! Progress, they're getting closer!! Yay!
Our initial meeting went well, he actually looked like his photos. We met for breakfast and had a very formal conversation which was to be expected at our first meeting. I left the establishment wondering if I would hear from him again, and contemplating if I should call him to at least suggest a second meeting to get to know him a little better. But, how soon is too soon to call? I didn't want to appear over-eager and frighten the poor man away, yet I didn't want to seem disinterested.
I also want to say I had some gut instincts about him. He seemed very nice, he is nice looking, bearish, but there was something I couldn't quite put my finger on. I kept my reserve up. Yet, I did want to see him again. Did he want to see me?
Three hours later I had my answer via text. Yes, he did want to see me. But, my finger was still twitching for he also said the one thing I didn't want to hear. The pictures I posted on my profile did not do me justice. I was now fighting the same old battle of my own insecurities. Was I either going to be a trophy, a conquest, or would I have to deal with his insecurities; he thinks he's not good enough for me? Or a combination of all three. So, not only was my reserve up, now my shields were as well. Yet, I still wanted to move forward and prove that maybe I was wrong on all counts and accept that he wanted to see me for me.
I want to interject here, I had been chatting on a site once before with another man I found to be very handsome and sexy and we wanted to meet. During our chats I had mentioned my blog and he seemed interested. I sent him the URL, he read it and felt I wouldn't like him because he wasn't as out of the closet as I was. I countered with some profound wisdom like "We all fight our own battles and I can't understand your perspective, and that's not for me to judge. But let's just see what we can bring to each other." I haven't heard back from him.
But, back to my story. We talked some more, and I asked him out to an art gallery showcasing a gay artist I've been following. He agreed and then asked me out to see a friend of his who was reading or singing at an open mic night the night before my event. I agreed, so we'd be seeing each other twice in one weekend. Two dates with one man in one weekend! Progress! Woo-hoo!
While I'm not going to get into any of the specific details of my dates with him, I see a lot of progress in me. Like the weather stripping away the paint on walls and doors over time, some of my old attitudes are falling away and I'm evaluating what I am finding underneath. My instincts were that he was a good man, he could be a good friend, yet it was way too soon to see if he was husband material. Invariably, at some point, in the future, down the road, I would have to take that step and get 'comfortable', and then cross the big bridge. I was okay with taking that step with him, knowing I did not necessarily see long term potential here at this time. We would not be spending the night together and then picking out china patterns after breakfast. And I was okay with that!! Dating someone does not have to lead to marriage. And I was okay with that, too!! And whether 'it' happens with him or someone else later, I'm okay with that, as well.
Yet, all this brings up the question, if this were to be a finite dating situation, or even, GASP! a friends with benefits thing, how do you negotiate the end at the beginning? Or do you? How do you handle the "You'll do just until someone better comes along" attitude that seems to be built in to an FWB? That doesn't sound very pleasant to someone like me who wears his heart so loosely on his sleeve, sometimes it falls off. But, I was still okay with this.
It's still progress for me.
The buildings here are the carriage house and stables at Greystone Mansion in Beverly Hills, California. The mansion is kept up for visitors, but as few people come down to these buildings on the grounds, they don't receive the same attention as the main park.
For more information on Greystone Mansion click here.