Saturday, May 5, 2012
It has been suggested I overthink. My counselor, my meditation group, my friends, and even comments left here on my blog have all said I overthink. And I do. I admit it. I know I do. It seems I can't help myself. And it has gotten me in trouble many times.
So, I began to think about why I overthink. I took a long hard look at myself and this is what I came up with.
My birthday is in early February, which makes me an Aquarian. Aquarius is an Air sign even though we are the Water Bearer. Air sign people are very 'in our heads' and seldom 'in our hearts.' Aquarians are full of ideals, maybe even too idealistic. We like originality and understanding which may explain why I have to understand why people act the way they do. And why the 'dating dance' drives me absolutely insane. Another important part of the astrological chart is the ascendant, or rising sign. This is the sign on the horizon at the moment of birth. Libra, the Balance, is my ascendant, yet another Air sign. (Gemini is the other.) Libra's Air qualities are more like the calm and peaceful air that we breathe, seeking out how to bring tranquility and harmony to the world, not the dynamic jet stream of the Aquarian, seeking to change the world. That double Air combination makes me really stuck in my head sometimes. (If my moon were in Gemini, I'd be a freaking mental hurricane!)
I have written about my Christian roots before and that I have moved on to a more spiritual plane that makes sense for me. I had a vision once where a bear and a ferret appeared to me in a very peaceful meadow. I don't believe it was a dream as I was not asleep, but in a meditative state. I consulted a Native American elder who felt the Old Medicine was speaking to me, telling me that Bear and Ferret were my two of my Spirit Guides and had lessons for me to learn. Bears hibernate in the winter, knowing instinctively when to find shelter and when to reawaken to the new world in the rebirth of spring. Therefore, Bear People are often introspective, finding our own hibernation in ourselves, reawakening in our own rebirth, having contemplated our own thoughts and emotions. Ferret signifies a quick mind, ever alert to the surrounding world. Ferrets themselves are very cunning escape artists, because they don't like being caged up. They like their independence, a strong Aquarian trait as well. They are also known to steal items they feel they may need in the future, reminding me to take what I need from life to learn from those experiences.
Similar to Western astrology, there is a Native American/First Nation philosophy of looking at people and their general behaviors according to their birth date. Following this philosophy, I was born during the Rest and Cleansing Moon, which also corresponds to element of Air in this system, and in particular the North Wind. North, on the Medicine Wheel, represents Winter, a time of deep sleep but when new growth is taking place out of sight. It is also represented by the color white, representing the white hair of the elders and their wisdom. I am also connected to the Butterfly Clan which represents transformation, because the butterfly transforms from the caterpillar to the butterfly. As the Air is always changing and shifting, so is the butterfly. As the butterfly flits from one flower to another collecting nectar and pollen, the Butterfly Person flits from one person to another often collecting and exchanging ideas, a sign of a very (over)active mind.
I was born on the tail end of the year of the Rooster in Chinese Astrology. We are also deep-thinkers and can be very analytical and shrewd. Rooster people are very observant in what goes on around us, and we usually don't let things get by us.
So, all this overthinking is just part of my charm, the nature of the beast. No matter how I look at it, I was born this way.
What do I do now? I learn to channel it. I learn to control it. It won't be easy, but it's my lesson. As the Butterfly must learn to stop flitting and just enjoy some nectar, I must learn to stop thinking (at times) and just be.
And when the next man I meet sends me a picture of a beautiful sunset, that's all it will be; a picture of a beautiful sunset he wanted to share.
Not some touching romantic gesture.
Unless he tells me differently.