Tuesday, May 22, 2012
I enjoy ice cream. There are so many ways to enjoy it. And so many flavors. When I first began exploring the various ways to enjoy it as an adult, I enjoyed so much ice cream, I eventually began to feel guilty about overdoing it. Maybe I chose a flavor too hastily, without giving it full thought. So, I ended up not enjoying it that much, and as is very common with overeating, I felt guilty about it. And empty. And eventually, shame. But, I kept telling myself, "The next time would be different!" But it wasn't. And so I backed off a while, thinking it might be different sharing ice cream with someone I loved and cared about.
My first boyfriend liked it, too. But, he was very traditional. He only liked it in certain ways and limited flavors, like vanilla. He had no real taste for exotic flavors or locations. Sometimes, I would suggest a new flavor or perhaps a topping, and he'd say he'd already tried it, and it didn't agree with him then, so it wouldn't agree with him now. He liked his ice cream tried and true, what he was already comfortable with. With him, I learned to think a lot about different ice cream flavors and toppings and places to get it.
My ex-husband also enjoyed it. And while he may have wanted to try new flavors and toppings, my experience from my prior boyfriend taught me otherwise. So, I wasn't too willing to try anything new. And, perhaps I had given up too soon. Perhaps there were other issues. But, I soon gave up on ice cream, it no longer appealed to me as much.
Perhaps this is my opportunity to learn to enjoy ice cream again, in all its varieties, before settling on one special flavor. My problem is, I've been on a diet for so long, how do I avoid behaving like a glutton again, going back to berating myself for having so much meaningless ice cream? Yes, the past is the past and I should just learn from it and move on. After all, the past is to serve as lessons for the present and therefore the future. But, it's harder to do when your self-image is tied up with the past.
They say time heals all wounds. It's true, except for the self-inflicted ones. They take some reconditioning in addition to some extra time. Or maybe it just takes the right flavor at the right moment.