Balance

I have always had a fondness for dolphins, other marine mammals, and orcas in particular. On the two school trips to Catalina I have chaperoned, I got to see wild dolphins.

I have also written about my spirit guides, my totems of Bear and Ferret and a little of what they represent to and for me. During another meditative state where we were focusing on gratitude and being grateful for what we have, my house came up for me. Yes, the mortgage is a drain on my paycheck leaving me with very little at the end of the month for fun and pleasure, i.e., dating, seeing movies, etc.,  but I am grateful I have a place for me, my dog, and my cat to sleep at night. It was during this meditation when I met another of my totems; Dolphin. He actually swam right through my living room in the meditation, suddenly appearing out of nowhere, a blatant sign he was meant to appear to me.

Dolphins are very intelligent creatures, and represent a number of traits. They exist between two worlds, Air and Water. In modern astrology the Air Signs; Gemini, Libra and Aquarius, represent the Head, or Logic. The Water Signs; Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces, represent the Heart, or Emotion. Many psychologists and dream experts also believe Air symbolism represents the Intellect or Logic and Water is symbolic of our Emotions. Dolphin's appearance is to remind me to remain balanced between the two. Not a very easy thing for me to do as I have said in the past.

Dolphins are also very social. They form large family groups and are tight knit. They protect one another as well as work and play together in their family groups, perhaps a message to me to begin forming such groups, outside of work since I am already part of a very supportive work community. I have a wonderful group of writer friends who offer support and advice, but they don't live locally. I do have a great group of friends who have helped me through the divorce and recent heartbreak, but only one of them is a gay man. And anyway, none are very local.

Dolphins are hard working. They hunt together as a unit and they are also extremely playful. They have been seen jumping and spinning and doing many other tricks in the water, seemingly for no other reason than to amuse themselves. As I move through this new stage in my life, I am to focus on Dolphin's message of balancing work and play.

Dolphin may have one other message for me. They are one of the few other mammals known to have sex without the drive to procreate. They have sex for the fun of just having sex. I still have issues around that, so I guess I'll be focusing on those.

While this school year is ending and teaching eats up a lot of my time, even after school lets out for the day, I will make every effort next year to balance my time better between work/home and family/writing/play and recreation. I will make more of an effort to build a community of gay male friends who preferably live locally, but I must still live within my means so I will still have to limit my socializing. And while I am going through this overall transformation, with the other personal changes I'm working on, I don't feel it fair to drag that one special guy through it without first warning him.  But, it will be his choice to stay or go.

But, first I have to meet someone who catches my eye.

That will happen, in time.