Synchronicities 10

I haven't written about synchronicities in a while, so I thought I would especially after a couple of really interesting ones happened one right after another. Well, isn't that part of synchronicity? The timing?

I’ve been on uneasy terms with the Universe lately. Or on uneasy terms with myself. Or with my path/journey/purpose. And I don’t know why.

Perhaps it’s because I’m getting used to a new side of me and wondering if the Universe is actually guiding me in that direction as it’s a bit different. And a bit scary. And a bit woo woo!

I’ve been exploring it, but still a bit tentatively. And the Universe has been patient with me, for which I'm grateful.

But, I think the Universe is beginning to lose patience.

A few things have happened recently that amount to a clarion call of “wake the fuck up, stupid!”

I was recently shopping on Amazon and a book title in the “Recommended for you” section of my homepage caught my eye: The Reluctant Tarot Reader: Adventures in the Gypsy Trade, by Raven Mardirosian. I was intrigued; there’s another reluctant tarot reader out there? So, I read the synopsis:

She's a gay girl in a Christian world, becoming the healer she was meant to be. 
But what do you do with a gift that you really don't want?
Raven Mardirosian dreamed of being a missionary. A vet. An English teacher. Becoming a professional Tarot reader never crossed her mind. So, how did she go from staunch, born-again Christian and promising academic . . . to life in the woo world?

And there was more, but other than the girl part and dreaming of being a vet, it all resonated very strongly with me. So, I downloaded it. And by the first 40 pages I was hooked. 

Where she had a tarot deck quietly pressed into her hand, I stumbled onto a couple of YouTube videos of some readings that resonated with me and I figured I had nothing to lose but the cost of a deck and a book or two and a little time to study.

Plus, Raven and I both come from an evangelical background and a good little Christian wouldn’t dare touch these wicked, wicked cards, let alone come out as LGBTQ. But, if I had already made peace with my Christianity and being gay, I could certainly get past the evangelical ghosts warning me of these little pieces of paper with pretty pictures.

As I read her book, Ms. Mardirosian revealed more of our commonalities. She would often refer to a second deck of cards similar to the Power Animals Oracle deck I use, so she was also aware of Shamanic messages as well. This was getting intriguing. She often referred to herself as a healer; one of the Power Animal cards I draw frequently is Snake. Isn’t a snake or two entwined on the medical staff? Snake is also one of my Spirit Guides. So, maybe I’m to be a healer, too?

The last few sections of the book kept repeating one particular theme: Tell your Story. Tell your Story. Tell your Story.

Maybe that’s how I am to help heal the world, by writing. Both here and my stories. 

Okay, Universe I get this message. But what else were you trying to tell me last week?

I had three separate conversations within three days, regarding my spiritual journey. More precisely, certain aspects of my journey.

The first one happened with a complete stranger. (Is there such a thing as an incomplete stranger?… sorry, random thought.) 

An insurance salesman came to review some supplemental policies I have. Upon entering my home, he immediately commented on the color. My living room is red and purple with espresso accents. He loved how calming it was. I commented on the fact red isn’t necessarily a calming color. He said, “No, but the tone you picked is very calming and it's just an accent wall.” Okay, I didn’t suspect anything when he first came in, but now he was commenting on the tone of the accent wall color? Hmmm, I began to suspect something…might he be one of the family? He then commented, “Oh I love your Buddha statue!” 

"Thanks, I sit there and meditate every morning.”

“I didn’t get to meditate this morning and I feel off.”

Say what? Here's an attractive man in my living room talking about meditating? And the tone of my accent wall color?

He went on, “I like to meditate on how I can be a better me in this relationship, focusing on improving myself.” Okay, not ‘wife’, not ‘girlfriend’ but ‘relationship’? I’m picking up on things here. This might be interesting. Did I mention he was handsome? And closer to my age. We were discussing the minor changes in my policies when we were distracted by the flock of birds feeding outside on my patio table. I showed him a video of the crazy jay bird that likes to knock on my sliding door. 

“Do you ever look up what that might mean?” He asked.

“You mean as a spiritual message?”

“Yes, exactly.” My jaw metaphorically hit the floor. He then shared an encounter he had with a roadrunner in the hills above his home. The roadrunner just stood by and watched him walk by with his dog. Didn’t move, run or hide. The bird just stood there, obviously not frightened. He then showed me a picture of his dog, in the car with his wife. Okay, now I know.

From there we moved onto our individual spiritual journeys. He’s barely starting out, taking baby steps, I seem to be a tad further along. I shared a story where I had 'sensed' something about another friend, which her husband had dreamt about two nights before affirming what I had sensed.

“Oh, you’re an intuitive, then? Like my wife.”

So, I’m sitting in my dining room having a spiritual discussion with an insurance salesman just feeling overwhelmed with it all. Why was it happening? What was the Universe up to? Enquiring minds want to know. Or, at least mine does.

Two days later, I make the 35 mile drive to my optometrist for my annual checkup. I’ve been going to this practice for so long, it seems more like a family reunion than a medical visit. Plus, the doctor is a bit of eye candy. Alas, he is married with two daughters. Over the years he would ask a bit of advice on navigating the school district which I was only too happy to provide. 

So, he asked me how life and retirement were treating me. I answered I’m searching for a direction. He inquired about my writing. I responded that I think I’m hitting some deep cathartic levels I’m not sure I’m ready to face. “You’ll know when you are,” he replied. “Take that leap of faith!"

“I’m also discovering newer sides to me,” I told him. And I shared the same story of my friend, what I sensed and her husband’s dream and that I was getting used to this new aspect of who I am and concerned how others might react. 

“Why do you care?” he asked.

Touché.

And somewhere in all this conversation he dropped the word ‘healer’ which brought me back to my Snake spirit guide.

Once the exam was over, I went to see the contact lens technician who is actually responsible for my coming to this practice. Decades ago, she and I had worked together in a now-defunct department store. I had casually asked her if she knew of an optometrist as I needed to renew my drivers’ license and check my vision. She referred me to her father's practice and he has since retired. So, she and I spend some time catching up every visit. And catch up we do; all of our divorces-hers, mine, her parents’; the births and subsequent growth of her nephew and niece; visits with her mother-who had been the contact lens technician in the beginning; her father’s subsequent remarriage; my career and retirement, my writings. See, it is like a family reunion.

I’m not exactly sure how it happened but the theme of the day continued. We seemed to suddenly be sharing about the numbers we see, their meanings and she launched into her own stories of intuition/premonition/whatever-you-want-to-call-it.

I’m still digesting it all somewhat. Within the space of about four days, I kept getting messages to "tell my story”, “have faith”, “be a healer”, plus meeting people who aren’t turned off by intuitives.

The timing of it all is still overwhelming.

Perhaps the strangest or strongest message came today.

I recently found an old gift card to Barnes and Noble. I found some books online about opening up to gifts of Spirit. The subtotal before tax and shipping was $22.22! 

According to multiple sources, 2222 is a reminder to maintain a positive attitude and a firm belief in oneself. In other words, have faith that all will work out for the best. Touché.

I guess I now know what the Universe was telling me.

And for the record, my living room is actually cranberry and mauve. With espresso accents.

Strong Whale Vibes

So, I did my regular daily three card reading the other morning. I used The Aquarian Tarot by David Palladini; Power Animals Oracle Cards by Steven Farmer, Ph.D. and The Universe Has My Back by Gabrielle Bernstein.

I've started using the Aquarian Tarot because, well, I'm an Aquarian, and I love the artwork on the cards. There's an art deco feel to the images which has always been an art style that has interested me.

The three cards I pulled for the reading were respectively Strength, Whale and 'My vibes speak louder than my words.'

As I sat and mulled over how to connect them, my instinct went first to the Whale card. The whale card signifies that I am to follow my soul's path, honoring my soul's purpose. So, I'm taking this as the focal point of the reading, the apex if you will.

Whale suggests that I dive into the deepest truth of who I am, past my ego and pay attention not to what I think others think of me, but to the path that calms my soul. I am reminded to also focus on my sense of self as I align with my path, maintaining the faith and courage to dive deeply into myself.

Strength came up to remind me that I indeed have it even if I might not believe I possess the strength (and therefore the courage) to follow through with my purpose. But, it's there. Somewhere. I will admit, there are times I wonder where it is. Looking at that card, the image/energy/feeling of a samurai warrior comes to me even if the art style, the armor nor the facial features are reminiscent of such a person. Call it reader's intuition.

One of the other associations with the Strength card is patience, which is another form of strength as it takes patience to develop one's physical strength, mental fortitude or to even train a dog, which is depicted in the lower right corner of the card. The dog also suggests that I am not alone on my path as the dog would serve as companion to the warrior and watching his back by often alerting him to dangers the warrior might not sense. Just like the Universe watches mine.

As for the vibes card, I interpret that two ways. First, that if I live my truth, that if I follow my path as I see it, even if it goes against the mainstream, my energy-my vibes-will speak louder than if I try to persuade others to see my way of thinking. I should live by example, if you will.

The second example would be my writing. My novels, which have sat ignored for a while now, have started to demand my attention. I think this is part of my soul's purpose, to write my journey through my characters. Plus, the message of my journey will live louder through these characters and long after I have moved into the next phase of my existence. Maybe that's the point, after all. My legacy.

I am also interpreting the strength card to suggest I have the strength to write my characters as I see them and not be swayed to make them more "mainstream." Because they aren't.

They are aspects of me and I don't consider myself mainstream.

Now, I just have to find the strength, hang on to it and dive deep to get past the ego.

And to start writing.

(Note: I am not an Art Historian, Art Major or very knowledgeable about different art styles. According to Mr. Palladini's bio [link below], he illustrated the Aquarian Tarot deck in an Art Nouveau style. So, I stand corrected, and I learned something. Now to investigate the differences. But, it was definitely the art style [as well as the name] that drew me to his version of the tarot.)

All three decks are available from Amazon and other retailers.

For a brief bio on David Palladini, please click here.

Anxious about Anxiety

The trouble with anxiety is that it can come out of nowhere for no good reason, triggered by who-knows-what. Often you can be in the middle of something enjoyable when wham! you are suddenly experiencing an attack complete with many of the physical symptoms-increased heart rate, raised blood pressure, dizziness, fatigue, etc.

It’s been happening a lot lately.

And I’m not sure why.

One of my most recent episodes happened when I went to prepare dinner last week and the meat smelled slightly iffy. I live by the rule “when in doubt throw it out.” I was, so I did.

Now, I follow safe food handling guidelines. I had bought the meat, ground turkey, around the first of the month and immediately put it in the freezer upon returning home directly from the store. Then about two weeks later, I placed it in the refrigerator to defrost for about 3 days before I was intending to use it. I had purchased it before the "sell by" date which was now two weeks prior to the date I was intending to cook it. So, for all practical purposes, it still should have been safe to cook. But, 'tis better to be safe than sorry... 

Then realized I had nothing I could prepare for dinner.

So, I quickly stepped out for a bite to eat, which I hadn’t planned on doing. Upon returning home, and beginning to eat my dinner, the attack began. I recognized the increased heart rate, the slight dizziness, an overwhelming feeling of dread. But, over what? I couldn't pinpoint any particular cause. Maybe it was buying a dinner that I hadn't planned on because I wanted to save money. Or, maybe because I'd left the house again. (I’d already left earlier that afternoon to run an errand and sometimes I prefer just staying home once I’ve completed my to-do-list.) 

And just like that, the attack was over.

Maybe it was a delayed reaction to an earlier phone conversation with a friend who shared her recent anxiety attack and I often rely on her when I get stuck, or anxious, along my journey as she is one of the very few who truly understands me. So, if she’s feeling anxious, things must really be falling apart.

Or maybe it was the fact I had just messaged another friend that I wanted to share something I was somewhat unfamiliar with. But, I knew she’d understand that I wasn’t an expert and she wouldn’t care.

Or maybe it was the approaching full moon.

Or maybe it was something in the air as several friends have reported similar experiences and not simply over having to suddenly go get dinner. Six of the eight planets are currently retrograde along with the full moon, so that must be it!

Or maybe I’m facing the realities of getting older.

Or maybe it’s the current state of my country. 

Or just maybe it was a little of all of the above.

The lesson here is how to deal with it.

I am currently reading the book, The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle. He describes the power of remaining in the Now and not attaching to the emotion-or to any emotion, actually-which is very difficult to do because we want to understand why we're feeling the way we are. In other words, he suggests we acknowledge the feeling but don’t try to understand it because sometimes with emotions like anxiety, you may not realize what is causing it which could be subconscious and this in turn creates more anxiety because now you’re trying to figure out what caused the anxiety in the first place which you may never figure out which only continues this vicious circle. It’s like realizing the argument you are having with your partner or friend isn’t actually about what just took place but a build up of a lot of other little things that you can’t recall but obviously your friend or partner does. And they won’t tell you because you should already know what set them off. But, this anxiety argument is with yourself.

Or at least that’s how I interpret his book. (Full disclosure, I’m only about halfway through at this point, so I’m not sure how to put this all into practice. Yet.)

But, what I have learned, so far, is that remaining in the Now is very difficult to master.

The next chapter is how to avoid those mind traps that keep us from being in the Now.

So, I guess I’d better get back to reading. 

 The Power of Now is available on Amazon and other fine booksellers.

Old Habits

Old habits die hard. I think that rings a bell. Maybe I’ve heard it a couple of times or at least written about it.

I was recently invited to the retirement lunch of two former colleagues who decided to follow my lead. Both are very kind, sweet women.

One of which has been the subject of a post or three here.

I wanted to go, if only to impart my recent wisdom on surviving retirement. Well, surviving the first year of it anyway.

I was also excited to see my former colleagues, especially those who had retired years before who, like I, were coming to this retirement to wish these two new ones a hearty congratulations.

Yet, I kind of dreaded seeing one of retirees because I knew one of the first things she’d ask me when we found ourselves alone. So, I girded myself for the inevitable, because I knew I couldn't avoid her completely. She was one of the guests of honor.

 

Because these two teachers wanted nothing fancy but a simple lunch in the auditorium, I drove to the school which felt wrong since I had avoided the area for almost a year. I must also admit it felt odd being back there on the campus after all this time.

As it was also the last day of their school year, other announcements and goodbyes were said, and the afternoon came to a close. As I prepared to say my farewells and drive back home, I went to each of the retirees individually saving the “special" one for last, anticipating what was coming.

I gave each one my advice:

• Take some time for yourself before finding something to occupy your time;
• It’s okay to watch television and/or read all day long;
• It’s okay to have absolutely nothing pressing, in fact, I revel in that fact;
• It's even okay to sit and watch the paint dry or the grass grow; and most importantly,
• SLEEP! RELAX!

As I spoke with that one particular retiree, she did ask that inevitable question, “Have you met anyone yet?”

I groaned. At least internally.

I told her no.

She asked where was I looking?

I told her I had given up looking online as that seems to suggest a hookup only. (She is quite naive, especially when it comes to the gay male community, so I said it in a more ‘delicate’ way, “Online seems to suggest sex only.”)

I also said that many of the men I meet seem to have an upper age limit, meaning they don’t date anyone past a certain age, which I surpass by a few years or even a decade or two. It seems that the older we get the more baggage we have to unpack and no one likes unpacking, let alone someone else’s dirty laundry. That she understood. Finally, after several conversations over the last few years.

And yet, this time, as I drove home I realized I didn’t resent her asking, contrary to what I’ve said in prior posts here. Maybe it was because I had anticipated her question, and knew she was (and always had been) coming from a place of concern and caring. I also knew this might be the last time I’d see her. So, why get my knickers in a twist?

So, maybe some old habits do die hard, while others simply die off.

Or, maybe I’ve changed over this past year.