Old Habits

Old habits die hard. I think that rings a bell. Maybe I’ve heard it a couple of times or at least written about it.

I was recently invited to the retirement lunch of two former colleagues who decided to follow my lead. Both are very kind, sweet women.

One of which has been the subject of a post or three here.

I wanted to go, if only to impart my recent wisdom on surviving retirement. Well, surviving the first year of it anyway.

I was also excited to see my former colleagues, especially those who had retired years before who, like I, were coming to this retirement to wish these two new ones a hearty congratulations.

Yet, I kind of dreaded seeing one of retirees because I knew one of the first things she’d ask me when we found ourselves alone. So, I girded myself for the inevitable, because I knew I couldn't avoid her completely. She was one of the guests of honor.

 

Because these two teachers wanted nothing fancy but a simple lunch in the auditorium, I drove to the school which felt wrong since I had avoided the area for almost a year. I must also admit it felt odd being back there on the campus after all this time.

As it was also the last day of their school year, other announcements and goodbyes were said, and the afternoon came to a close. As I prepared to say my farewells and drive back home, I went to each of the retirees individually saving the “special" one for last, anticipating what was coming.

I gave each one my advice:

• Take some time for yourself before finding something to occupy your time;
• It’s okay to watch television and/or read all day long;
• It’s okay to have absolutely nothing pressing, in fact, I revel in that fact;
• It's even okay to sit and watch the paint dry or the grass grow; and most importantly,
• SLEEP! RELAX!

As I spoke with that one particular retiree, she did ask that inevitable question, “Have you met anyone yet?”

I groaned. At least internally.

I told her no.

She asked where was I looking?

I told her I had given up looking online as that seems to suggest a hookup only. (She is quite naive, especially when it comes to the gay male community, so I said it in a more ‘delicate’ way, “Online seems to suggest sex only.”)

I also said that many of the men I meet seem to have an upper age limit, meaning they don’t date anyone past a certain age, which I surpass by a few years or even a decade or two. It seems that the older we get the more baggage we have to unpack and no one likes unpacking, let alone someone else’s dirty laundry. That she understood. Finally, after several conversations over the last few years.

And yet, this time, as I drove home I realized I didn’t resent her asking, contrary to what I’ve said in prior posts here. Maybe it was because I had anticipated her question, and knew she was (and always had been) coming from a place of concern and caring. I also knew this might be the last time I’d see her. So, why get my knickers in a twist?

So, maybe some old habits do die hard, while others simply die off.

Or, maybe I’ve changed over this past year.