Anxious about Anxiety

The trouble with anxiety is that it can come out of nowhere for no good reason, triggered by who-knows-what. Often you can be in the middle of something enjoyable when wham! you are suddenly experiencing an attack complete with many of the physical symptoms-increased heart rate, raised blood pressure, dizziness, fatigue, etc.

It’s been happening a lot lately.

And I’m not sure why.

One of my most recent episodes happened when I went to prepare dinner last week and the meat smelled slightly iffy. I live by the rule “when in doubt throw it out.” I was, so I did.

Now, I follow safe food handling guidelines. I had bought the meat, ground turkey, around the first of the month and immediately put it in the freezer upon returning home directly from the store. Then about two weeks later, I placed it in the refrigerator to defrost for about 3 days before I was intending to use it. I had purchased it before the "sell by" date which was now two weeks prior to the date I was intending to cook it. So, for all practical purposes, it still should have been safe to cook. But, 'tis better to be safe than sorry... 

Then realized I had nothing I could prepare for dinner.

So, I quickly stepped out for a bite to eat, which I hadn’t planned on doing. Upon returning home, and beginning to eat my dinner, the attack began. I recognized the increased heart rate, the slight dizziness, an overwhelming feeling of dread. But, over what? I couldn't pinpoint any particular cause. Maybe it was buying a dinner that I hadn't planned on because I wanted to save money. Or, maybe because I'd left the house again. (I’d already left earlier that afternoon to run an errand and sometimes I prefer just staying home once I’ve completed my to-do-list.) 

And just like that, the attack was over.

Maybe it was a delayed reaction to an earlier phone conversation with a friend who shared her recent anxiety attack and I often rely on her when I get stuck, or anxious, along my journey as she is one of the very few who truly understands me. So, if she’s feeling anxious, things must really be falling apart.

Or maybe it was the fact I had just messaged another friend that I wanted to share something I was somewhat unfamiliar with. But, I knew she’d understand that I wasn’t an expert and she wouldn’t care.

Or maybe it was the approaching full moon.

Or maybe it was something in the air as several friends have reported similar experiences and not simply over having to suddenly go get dinner. Six of the eight planets are currently retrograde along with the full moon, so that must be it!

Or maybe I’m facing the realities of getting older.

Or maybe it’s the current state of my country. 

Or just maybe it was a little of all of the above.

The lesson here is how to deal with it.

I am currently reading the book, The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle. He describes the power of remaining in the Now and not attaching to the emotion-or to any emotion, actually-which is very difficult to do because we want to understand why we're feeling the way we are. In other words, he suggests we acknowledge the feeling but don’t try to understand it because sometimes with emotions like anxiety, you may not realize what is causing it which could be subconscious and this in turn creates more anxiety because now you’re trying to figure out what caused the anxiety in the first place which you may never figure out which only continues this vicious circle. It’s like realizing the argument you are having with your partner or friend isn’t actually about what just took place but a build up of a lot of other little things that you can’t recall but obviously your friend or partner does. And they won’t tell you because you should already know what set them off. But, this anxiety argument is with yourself.

Or at least that’s how I interpret his book. (Full disclosure, I’m only about halfway through at this point, so I’m not sure how to put this all into practice. Yet.)

But, what I have learned, so far, is that remaining in the Now is very difficult to master.

The next chapter is how to avoid those mind traps that keep us from being in the Now.

So, I guess I’d better get back to reading. 

 The Power of Now is available on Amazon and other fine booksellers.