I love my friends. They have stood beside me in my divorce. They have encouraged me to get back out there and meet men, yet still suggesting I be cautious. They have given me money-saving tips since I am on a very strict budget. They have offered me shoulders to lean on when my romantic entanglements have gone sour. And for that I love them.
They can also drive me crazy. They have challenged my thinking when I have been down, and wanting a good old-fashioned sulk. They have forced me to change my attitude when it's been negative, telling me I'd only attract more negative energy. For that I still love them. Even after I have cursed them for being right and ruining a perfectly good pout.
They have also given me food for thought. Some of which has become a post here. Like this one.
One friend, who is going through some similar shit like I am, shared with me this perspective. "Our problem is that we're poor! We wouldn't be so unhappy and negative if we had money." And I quickly agreed but, upon reflection, later had to retract my position. At least partially.
Maybe I would be happier. Maybe I would feel better about seeing a movie once in a while. Maybe I wouldn't be on pins and needles thinking something might go wrong with my car or something could break around my house knowing I couldn't afford the repair. Maybe I'd treat myself to a night out once in a while and not feel guilty about it. Maybe I'd drive a little farther just to get out of the house once in a while. Maybe I would enjoy life a little more. Maybe.
But, I'm not convinced I'd be happier overall. I still have issues about dating. If money weren't such an obstacle, time and energy still would be. And with dating comes, the other part. The, um, afters. And that is a whole different can of worms for me. Or a series of sessions with a therapist. And blog posts, maybe. (Sorry for the lack of details, but this is still a family blog. I think I have underage readers who personally know me.)
Am I ready to date again? Only time will tell. I've addressed some of my concerns here, so I'm not going through them yet again. But the Universe has its own timing and I need to surrender myself to that. If it took four years to get my novel in print, and on the fluke of a tweet at that, then the Universe will send me someone when it's time. After all, everything happens for a reason at the time it is supposed to happen.
I'm not sure if you're Christian or not, but you could substitute "Universe" for God (God's time is the right time.)
ReplyDeleteI'm always reminding myself of that. Always saying to myself, maybe now is not the right time. Though, I am enjoying being single. No one to answer to. No one to consider when I want to do something. Bette Davis (one of my all-time fav actors) said in a movie (Now Voyager)..."I'll get a cat and a canary and live in single blessedness." I have a cat and a snake, but the blessedness part still applies.
Sure I get lonely sometimes. Mostly at night when I want to hold onto someone when I fall asleep. But I know that now is NOT a good time to start a relationship. I am writing furiously. I am trying to finish a short screenplay to film. There are so many things I have juggling in the air right now, that it wouldn't be fair to me or the potential mate.
As for the money making one happy part...perhaps it wouldn't make me happier, but I'd certainly LOVE to test that theory! :)
Thank you for your comment and as far as being Christian, I had a spiritual awakening that took me beyond traditional Christianity for me to comprehend the greatness of the Universe. Perhaps I'll blog on that one day.
DeleteI agree that with all I am going through, NOW is not the time to bring someone new into my life, but that being said, if the Universe (or God) decides I am to meet someone special, then it will be. That happened recently, and was intended for me to learn a lesson.
I am learning to be thankful for what I HAVE before it becomes what I HAD.
Peace!
Jeff
On the money point, Cher once said, "I've been 40 and I've been 50; 40's better. I've been rich and I've been poor. Rich is better." So yeah money is important (crucial to survival, actually) but I've found that I've been unhappy broke and unhappy flush and in most cases the presence or absense of money wasn't the driver of my unhappiness; it just added to the general unhappiness and was perhaps easier to focus on.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree: the Universe conspires to send us what we need (not the same as what we want) when we need it. My book sat in a drawer for nearly 20 years. When I ended up unemployed and feared I'd never get another job, I wondered what else I could do. Yo,the Universe prodded me, you're a writer; write. So out came the manuscript and a year later people are actually reading it.
And finally I'm generally a very happy guy; when I've been unhappy it was typically because I was dating a lunatic. So I stopped dating lunatics and now just have the occasional money worry...
Thank you for your comment. I am taking all these points seriously and readjusting my attitude. I know things will improve and my life will turn around. I have made it a year in this financial situation, and eventually things will improve.
ReplyDeleteWhile every dark does have its day, even in the dark there are stars.