Friday, April 20, 2012
Friends, Blessings and Curses
I love my friends. They have stood beside me in my divorce. They have encouraged me to get back out there and meet men, yet still suggesting I be cautious. They have given me money-saving tips since I am on a very strict budget. They have offered me shoulders to lean on when my romantic entanglements have gone sour. And for that I love them.
They can also drive me crazy. They have challenged my thinking when I have been down, and wanting a good old-fashioned sulk. They have forced me to change my attitude when it's been negative, telling me I'd only attract more negative energy. For that I still love them. Even after I have cursed them for being right and ruining a perfectly good pout.
They have also given me food for thought. Some of which has become a post here. Like this one.
One friend, who is going through some similar shit like I am, shared with me this perspective. "Our problem is that we're poor! We wouldn't be so unhappy and negative if we had money." And I quickly agreed but, upon reflection, later had to retract my position. At least partially.
Maybe I would be happier. Maybe I would feel better about seeing a movie once in a while. Maybe I wouldn't be on pins and needles thinking something might go wrong with my car or something could break around my house knowing I couldn't afford the repair. Maybe I'd treat myself to a night out once in a while and not feel guilty about it. Maybe I'd drive a little farther just to get out of the house once in a while. Maybe I would enjoy life a little more. Maybe.
But, I'm not convinced I'd be happier overall. I still have issues about dating. If money weren't such an obstacle, time and energy still would be. And with dating comes, the other part. The, um, afters. And that is a whole different can of worms for me. Or a series of sessions with a therapist. And blog posts, maybe. (Sorry for the lack of details, but this is still a family blog. I think I have underage readers who personally know me.)
Am I ready to date again? Only time will tell. I've addressed some of my concerns here, so I'm not going through them yet again. But the Universe has its own timing and I need to surrender myself to that. If it took four years to get my novel in print, and on the fluke of a tweet at that, then the Universe will send me someone when it's time. After all, everything happens for a reason at the time it is supposed to happen.