As I look at my life post-divorce, I have noticed many changes in both my self and my life. One change I've noticed is that time has become my enemy, sort of. I don't seem to have enough, which makes sense as I am living alone doing the work of two around the house. My dog and cat both have issues, the cat has physical issues (she's aging) and the dog has emotional issues (he stresses out). Both of which lead to bowel problems, which means medicines and cleaning up after them. It also feels like my teaching load has doubled, since I am teaching more students, but less subjects, which is a big change to adjust to after twenty-eight years of being self-contained. I am trying to stay on top of the housework, the lesson planning, the paper grading, the other school related duties, and especially my blogging, as it has become somewhat cathartic for me. And now that I will be a published author with a book to promote, (yay!) that will be one other rock to add to my jar. But wait, did I mention a social life? Let alone dating? Exercise? Writing my next best-seller? Or at least a short story? Reading? Playtime with my dog and cat? And above all, just plain RELAXING? How do I fit it all in and not lose my sanity, which at times feels like it's too late?
Obviously, I just need to prioritize and label the rocks, gravel, sand and water for my own jar. And find the balance between all of the rocks. For me, the rocks are, in no particular order, my health, time with my dog and cat, my career, and my house. The gravel would be; a social life, writing, and reading. The sand and water would be anything left over, like dating.
I sense my life is taking on a new direction. I don't know why I sense it, I just do. Maybe it's in the wind, or the stars. Over the last few months, many of my horoscopes have been hinting at just such a change. What direction it will take only the Universe knows. Career? Hmmm... Financial? That would be nice. Romance? Nah, I don't have the time right now to include a new boyfriend in my life. And I am content with being alone for right now. Yes, I really am. Seriously. (But, now that I have said that, watch it happen! Last time I made a comment about wanting someone to take care of me, I met someone special, but things didn't work out.)
When my ex first left, and I went into recovery/self-discovery mode, I KNEW the Universe had someone for me. Now, I am not as convinced there is someone. In time, if it's meant to be, it will happen. For the meantime, I must concentrate on the task at hand; learning to better manage my time.
There is an old saying from the 70's (that's when I first heard it). To meet Prince Charming, you have to kiss a lot of frogs. That is true. But, before I can kiss them, I have to meet the frogs, and to meet them, I need to get in the pond. And to get in the pond I need the time to get out there. And I will, eventually.
|Horned Amazon frog. (I didn't take this photo.)|
I'd like to end with one of my favorite pictures. The spider doesn't worry about time. The spider just keeps working until it all gets done. And it all does get done in the end. And so it shall with me.
|Spider Web, San Fernando Mission, San Fernando, CA 2007|