Changes

This has always been one of my favorite shots. When I took it, I didn't see that drop of water on the bottom until I looked at it in my camera. I thought I was just capturing a red berry as a memento of my trip, and yet that drop, to me, makes the shot.

I am breaking with my theme of "Lines" and black-and-whites to submit this photograph to Project 52. I took it while on vacation in Alaska in June, 2008. I was walking through a temperate rainforest on my way to a Native American Totem Park outside of Ketchikan. As we walked through the forest surrounded by the beautiful greenery, this little red berry stood out. The guide explained that these 'salmonberries' are what bears will eat to help restart their digestive systems after hibernating all winter. This was still early in the summer, so few berries were available, and this one had not yet reached it's true reddish color. The name 'salmonberry' comes from it's resemblance to salmon eggs.

Just yesterday, I had an epiphany. You see, I gave myself permission to talk to another gay man. That may not be a big deal to some, but to me it is. My husband of 15 years who, ironically, treated me to the Alaskan cruise for my 50th birthday, suddenly told me he wanted out of our marriage. I had been coping with the divorce; the legal, the financial, and the tangible elements of the separation, but wasn't sure how to deal with my recovery and growth from here. When would I know I was ready to move on? The simple act of talking to another single gay man, then going to coffee with him, and that it felt damn good told me I was awakening to my singleness and my gaiety. Like a bear coming out of hibernation, I was ready to mingle. Ok, maybe not too ready, but open to possibilities.

And as another ironic connection to this berry, I have always been attracted to bearish men. Now, off to find me a grizzly.