Trees

Several years ago I made a New Year’s Resolution not to make any resolutions. They are difficult to keep much past the first week, let alone the first month. Well, for me anyway. Yes, I know it has to do with making them attainable, incremental, and not to punish yourself for slipping up. As my Weight Watchers leader would say quite frequently, “You don’t total the car for simply denting the fender.” 

Instead, I simply try to live better. With the emphasis on try. That includes nutrition, exercise, weight management, etc. All the big ones. I don’t smoke and rarely have alcohol, so those don’t count.

And I’ve added a new one, being mindful or being present.

As I’ve said before, I have hypertension and that can complicate things with Covid-19 and other health related issues. So, I try to keep myself as grounded and centered as I can to avoid raising my blood pressure. It’s not easy these days.

I think I’ve posted before that on my morning walks, I listen to my favorite music and focus on the lyrics. I have a mental sing-along in my head. I’d hate to scare any other walkers with my singing voice as the only way I can carry a tune is by transporting sheet music. Lately, I’ve discovered audiobooks, but being a visual person, I still prefer to read a book before I listen to it. So, I listen to some old favorites. I just completed a Harry Potter marathon, books 3-7. I haven’t downloaded the first two yet.

But, one thing I have also noticed lately, is that I’ve been focusing more on the trees in my neighborhood as they seem to be calling out to me. I wondered what they could be saying. Besides, it keeps my attention on them instead of the troubling thoughts galloping around in my head.

I find myself entranced by the simple elegance of a naked tree. We get to see that part of the tree we take for granted; the branches. We forget they’re there when the tree is in leaf. Now, we can see the network of branches within the canopy, months before invisible to our eyes.

The shedding of the leaves also reminds me of the invisible support we all have. Just as the branches support the leaves of the tree, we have a support system we sometimes take for granted. For some, it is their network of family and friends. For others, it consists of their higher power, their intuition, the Universe/Spirit/God plus their network of family and friends.

To see a tree standing there in all its uncovered beauty is to see a miracle of nature. We don’t get to see what the tree is truly doing deep inside. It has shed what it no longer needs in order to prepare for the new.

Can we do that? Often we purge what we don’t need in the material sense, yet turn around and acquire more. But, can we purge ourselves of the memories we no longer need? Can we rid ourselves of the triggers that set off those painful emotions? Can we control the thoughts that trespass in our heads creating scenarios that might not exist, therefore adding to our anxiety and/or depression?

Then I turn around and see the evergreens; the pines, the cypress, the ficus and assorted palms so prominent here in my neighborhood. They stand tall, often above the rest. Proudly grounded, deeply rooted in the earth, yet swaying in the breeze, their greenness helping them stand out against the blue sky and their naked cousins.

On today’s walk, what truly struck me was the juxtaposition of the deciduous with the evergreens. One so vulnerable and exposed, shedding the old to prepare for the new and the other deeply grounded in remaining true to its nature.

That has become my newest quasi-resolution:

I will try my best to shed what no longer serves me, to prepare for the new while remaining true to my nature. And standing tall.

All thanks to the trees.

I guess they were talking to me.

It seems I was listening.

All photos courtesy of Jeff Ballam.

Nine Cups for June

The traditional
Rider-Waite-Smith Tarot

With all the Pentacle excitement the two previous months, the 10 for April and the King in May-all suggesting happiness, abundance, generosity, and possible income-the 9 of Cups for June was also suggesting a continuance of good feeling. Some traditional associations for the card are contentment, satisfaction and feeling fulfilled.

Traditional depictions of this card show a smiling nobleman sitting in front of a table laden with nine golden cups or chalices. Other depictions show a feast in addition to the cups. So, we can see the idea of contentment and satisfaction. Some other readers also believe this is the “wishes fulfilled” card as the gentleman seems very content in this scene and Cups is the suit of the heart, after all. 

New Palladini Tarot

While I can’t recall any particular wishes coming true as I didn’t wish for anything specific and there were a few difficult moments in June (there are always a couple, regardless of the month and card), overall it was a pretty peaceful month as far as I can remember. I really should journal a bit better for these recollection posts.

Yet, perhaps the idea here was to be content with what I have and not appear to be greedy. I mean, with the 10 and King of Pentacles back to back, it would be hard not to anticipate/wish/hope for more. Maybe my outlook for the month (and hereafter) should be "I have what I need, and need what I have." Gratitude is indeed a virtue and I am grateful for my many blessings.

Yet, the Wheel of Fortune keeps turning and all good things wind down. The next few cards, and therefore months, seem to suggest a slightly different turn. The 7 of Wands-defensive posturing, fending off challenges, maintaining one’s success-is the card for July.

Sounds intriguing, if not just a bit ominous, like the lull before the storm. 

Rider-Waite-Smith Tarot

And with the first few days of the month under way, it's going to be a doozy of a month...

Attraction

There’s an old sexist saying, “Clothes make the man.” I think clothes can make anyone. Look what they did for Patrick Swayze in To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar.

Patrick Swayze as Vida Boheme,
Too Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar

There’s another much less sexist saying, “We are what we eat.” We eat junk food, we have a junk body.

And both Jesus and Buddha said something along the lines of our thoughts create our reality.

And then there’s the idea that like attracts like. Except with magnets. There, like repels like. So I guess we have two theories of attraction.

As well as a Law of Attraction.

How does that apply to us?

It seems that according to Jesus and Buddha (and a few other spiritual and psychological leaders) our thoughts create our reality. Whatever mindset we maintain, we maintain in life. If we believe we will never find the dream job, we will never find the dream job. If we believe we deserve poverty, we will live in poverty. If we believe all men or women cheat, we will attract men or women who cheat. If we believe we aren’t good enough, we never will be good enough.

It’s like what Henry Ford once said, 

All of this is fine in theory, but how does it seem to work? With magnets, it’s an opposite polarity thing.

But, with our thoughts, we are attracting like thoughts. So, it'a a same polarity thing. 

Follow me here.

We are made up of matter, which in turn is made up of atoms which are made up of energy. Energy vibrates. Different energies vibrate at different frequencies. Similar frequencies would attract one another. Have you ever noticed someone and felt there was something off about them? They may have been sending off a bad vibe or frequency which clashed with yours. Or, conversely, you were drawn to them? Their energy may have been pulling you toward them.

Perhaps this video can explain better than I can.

But, changing a mindset is not easy because we are steeped in old patterns of belief. 

Beliefs such as we don't deserve the good things in life. When we suffer a breakup, why do we seem to blame ourselves? What more could I have done? We believe we are always at fault or not good enough.

If we don't get that job we wanted it was because we believe we didn't deserve it.

Where do these beliefs come from?

Some come from our past. I grew up in an environment where I never felt I was good enough.

Some come from society. As a youth questioning my sexuality, I didn't want to be "one of those dirty old men" lurking in dark alleys.

Some come from religion. Nor did I want to be condemned to the fiery pits of hell for loving someone regardless of gender.

Changing those beliefs isn't easy, but necessary to raise our vibration in order to attract what we truly deserve.

So, how do we do that?

We just do.

Yeah, I know. Easier said than done.

I'm starting with positive affirmations.

I'm focusing on what I have, not what I need.

I'm rewarding myself intrinsically for completing something challenging, for meeting a goal and not punishing myself for incomplete work.

I'm focusing on embracing my shadows and working with them, not letting them work against me.

I'm focusing on being me and letting go of caring what others think. After all, it's not my business what they think of me, only what I think of myself.

I'm focusing on loving myself.

Just as I am.

Finding Happiness

"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Those who know me well know me to be a Potterhead; I don't know how many times I've read the books, listened to the audiobooks, or watched the movies. At one time, I had the entire series in English, Spanish, French, German, and a few other languages I had studied at one time because, well, why not? As I've begun downsizing, some of the sets have found more useful homes.

The quote above was included in a set of four prints of quotes by Professor Dumbledore which I have hung throughout my house. While all four resonate with me as I make this long and often difficult transition to my new life of whatever and wherever it leads, this one is striking a chord right now. 

I was blessed to be able to get this photograph, Ketchikan, AK

As I recently posted, life has been difficult. Life has thrown me many challenges to the point where I've begun to feel I don't matter, nor does life. I realize that is foolish, but sometimes it's a hard feeling to shake when so many changes are happening around you all at once; relationships ending, seeing your basic human rights being threatened, seeing your career under attack, wondering if your sanity will make it to retirement and the sudden death of a dear friend. Let's not forget the violence and vitriol on the news and social media. I've had a hard time remaining positive. But, as Professor Dumbledore said we can find happiness, if we remember to look for it. And that is where the difficulty lies; remembering to look when times are tough. So, I'm going to look around a bit.

Teachers, especially elementary teachers, don't often hear about the impact we make on our students' lives. Yet, I received a letter at the end of last year from a student expressing her gratitude for my recognizing her giftedness, my believing in her gifts and talents, how my encouragement as well as my recommendation of her to a National Honors program all kept her in school to graduate. She is now pursuing a career in Criminal Science. Bless her.

I took my car in for a recall, nothing serious, but a possible potential problem. As I checked my tires before taking my car in, I suspected I might need new ones, and said something to the service representative. After he did the intake on my car, he reassured me I didn't. Not yet, anyway. Bless him.

Recently, I had to repair the central air/heat system in my house. After being told it would take a week to get the part (during the hottest week of the year, so far) I resigned myself to a fate of a week of sleepless nights. To my surprise, the next morning I received a call that the exact parts I needed turned up in the neighboring city and they could install it that very same day. Bless them.

I made the decision to go solar. After a few initial steps, I received a call at 9:00 a.m. that the company was now ready to install the panels. I asked when they had available and was told they could have a crew at my house between 12:00 and 2:00 p.m. that same day! I made the decision to go ahead, quickly showered and ran a couple of quick errands fully intending to be back by 11:00 well ahead of the crew's possible arrival. When I got home, the crew was already waiting for me, an hour early! After they had left, I discovered they accidentally bumped the highly sensitive earthquake sensor on my gas main, completely shutting off the gas to my house. I called the crew leader back and asked him if they had done it and he said it was possible and offered to talk me thorough the process of resetting it. I replied I was too nervous and he then offered to have someone from his office come help me and make sure all the pilot lights were lit. After all, if his crew had done it, it was their responsibility to correct it. His words, not mine. Fifteen minutes later, he called back to say someone was on the way. Fifteen minutes or so later, one of the crew members showed up with his young son in tow, evidently having come from home. (He later explained he lives three blocks away.) He showed me how to reset the sensor, made sure I got the pilot on the water heater lit, and that the stove worked. He also apologized, and said that it was the crew's responsibility as they had probably bumped it. Both men were very pleasant, happy to help and quite professional throughout this situation. Bless them.

I later went to turn on the now repaired air conditioner and noticed a strange sound I didn't recall hearing before and with the issue of the gas main still on my mind, I recalled the heater runs on gas, and had a pilot that also needed to be lit. I also know the blower that pushes the air into the house, either from the air conditioner or heater is connected to the furnace in the attic. In my mind, if the pilot wasn't lit, the blower wouldn't work. The sound I heard reminded me of the sound of leaking gas, but I didn't smell anything. Still, I called the gas company. They had a two week wait to come check a pilot. Two weeks with no air conditioning would be too much especially in the middle of summer. I called the repair company who assured me they could come check but it would be a service call. I agreed as I wanted my air conditioning back. The representative I spoke with said he pulled some strings and could get someone to me between 12:00-2:00 p.m. that day since I was a good customer. 2:00 came and no one showed up, but I did get a call saying the technician was running late and it would be closer to 3:30. Okay, I'd wait it out, as the technician assigned to me had diagnosed the original problem so we already had a working relationship. The technician then called me and asked me to describe the problem as he really didn't want to have to charge me for a service call, after having charged me for the repairs  just the week before. He assured me I would be fine, as the blower, while connected to the furnace, runs independent of the heating unit. And there is no constantly lit gas pilot, I have an electronic ignition. Bless him and his company too.

Writers, like teachers, don't often hear about the impact our words have. Sometimes we get feedback, most times we don't. I can check the statistics page and see the global reach of my blog, and also see which posts are being viewed the most. While I write mostly for me to help organize my thoughts and emotions, I can only hope I am reaching someone somewhere and helping them through something similar. I recently received such a confirmation. A friend on social media recently shared with me how a real life friend of his enjoyed reading my blog. A while back, a different social media friend made it a point to share how much he enjoys our varied interactions and that I had helped and inspired him in many instances. Bless them all.

It is amazing how the Universe recognizes what we need and when. Now, if we only remember to look for it. And sometimes we find it in the most unusual of places.

Nature itself is such a blessing, Skagway AK