Resolutions and Reflections

As I sit here in the early morning hours of December 31, at 4:30 a.m. to be exact, wondering why, once again, I cannot sleep as I've been awake since 2:30ish, I find myself looking back on this year.

And in contemplation of the next one.

Which brings up the traditional idea of New Year's Resolutions.

Surprise! I don't make any.

I stopped making them when I realized I never kept them. Not keeping them eroded my self-esteem, because I berated myself for failing. So, one year I resolved never to make any again. Does that mean I don't seek to improve myself in the coming year? No. I will make an effort to continue to improve myself, to walk down a healthier path, be it better eating, better attempts at exercise, etc. All I attempt to do is to be better. Which I think is easier than resolving to eliminate a bad habit.

2018 was the first full calendar year since my retirement. It's been interesting. I wanted to read more, I didn't. I wanted to write more, I sort of did. I wanted to exercise more, I didn't. I wanted to decompress from thirty-four-and-a-half years of teaching, I think I'm there. And maybe that was what I needed 2018 to be.

But, now it might be time to find a direction, something to do, to occupy my time, as well as my mind, as well as add to my wallet.

I am also reflecting back on 2018 as it has been an interesting year, both personally and politically. I'm not here to discuss the latter only the former.

This was the year I contemplated a roommate and had one actually which turned into a disaster. But, that was more based on the individual than the situation. No, not all roommates would be that difficult. But, I learned how challenging it would be to live with someone after eight years alone.

This was the year I began purging my house of anything I no longer needed, used or had seen within a year. So, I'm learning to downsize. 

This was the year I discovered the Tarot. I've discovered my readings are somewhat accurate which has been something new to wrap my head around. I'm trying not to be overly-analytical and wonder why they are so accurate, but simply accepting that they are. Letting go of this analytical stuff is hard for an Aquarian with a heavy dose of Libra in his astrological chart. Both signs are a bit guilty of overthinking and having the double dose is like being stuck in a mental maze with only a narrow escape route. So, I am learning I can stop overthinking.

This was the year I opened up to my intuition. Where this path will take me, who knows? I'll just be open to what it may bring. What else can I do? Maybe the cards will say. So, I am learning to trust myself.

This was the year I found more of my spiritual tribe. I've found people who understand where I am coming from and can sympathize, or even empathize, with me. These are people who encourage me along this path as they are walking some part of it, too. So, I am learning to socialize.

This was the year I reconnected with someone who has and will continue to play an important part in my life, but to what end, I can only speculate. I will confess, I've looked into the cards regarding this relationship, and they indicate it's promising, but that time will be a factor. Meaning, this will need some time to fully bloom due to where both of us are coming from. So, I am learning to trust someone else and open my heart, bit by bit.

As I look into the beginnings of 2019, which numerologically, is a Universal Year of 3. (To find the Universal Year, we add the digits to one single digit; 2+0+1+9=12, 1+2=3.) Three is the number of the trinity, of creation and therefore creativity. With creativity comes communication, as artists use their creativity to communicate their truths. This is a year for all of us to communicate our truth, once we find it.

As I look into a new year where I resolve to not make resolutions, I recall this t-shirt I bought a while ago. I think this sums up what I want to practice in 2019 and beyond:

Oh, yes, and I want to read more, write more and photograph more.