Lessons from a Tree

The Lake at Franklin Canyon Park

I went for a walk the other day, as I try to get some exercise, vitamin D and to connect with nature as frequently as I can. I also try a walking meditation as I go along my way. Try being the operative word as those pesky thoughts and what-ifs do try and grab my attention. I acknowledge them, tell them to stfu and sit themselves back down. It doesn’t always work but at least I try.

This particular morning I decided to go to my favorite spot, Franklin Canyon Park. I knew the traffic would be less as it was Thanksgiving Day. 

Arriving at the park, I decided to remain on the paved roads as it had recently rained (finally!) and I wanted to avoid slipping in mud because I was hiking alone and should I fall and get hurt, I’d have no one to help me. After a while, I noticed the ground didn’t seem too muddy so I decided to just meander through the park while keeping my mind focused on what I was seeing and where I was going. I ended up taking a trail I had never explored before. 

The Unexplored Path

As I rounded a bend in the trail, I noticed a unique tree. A California live oak, I believe. California live oaks are quite common in the area, but what made this one unique was its development. As I passed it, I felt the urge to sit with the tree. Actually, I will admit I felt the tree reach out, “Come sit with me.” I made a promise, “I will be back” and continued exploring the path to its end.

I returned to the tree and took a few breaths to ground and center myself before climbing up on the trunk. Closing my eyes, I felt the energy of the tree and the sounds of the park surround me. And yet, I could feel the tree teaching me something. When I opened my eyes a few moments later, I understood what the tree wanted me to know.

When that little acorn fell from its parent tree, it landed just where it did. It took root and began to sprout; it found the nutrients it needed and grew into a sapling. Along the way, that little sapling faced many challenges, yet did what it needed to meet them without giving up its essence. In order to reach the light it so desperately needed, it had to grow parallel to the ground in places. Then it twisted itself around to grow some more when its neighbors began blocking out its light doing exactly what it needed to in order to continue its growth.

And the tree just did it. Without fear, without thinking of any repercussions, consequences or other potential outcomes. It needed to survive.

We can be like this tree. We will encounter many challenges along our journey and we can overcome them. We can bend ourselves, metaphorically, to circumvent some challenges. We can change direction, if need be.

Yet we are different from the tree.

We do what the tree doesn’t.

We think. 

I don’t mean to denigrate thinking. It benefits us while at the same time can be a source of discomfort. We can think to solve problems like what route is best, or which camera better suits my needs? Maybe those are simple choices with pros and cons to weigh but still some thinking is involved in reaching an outcome. But, thinking also gets us into trouble when we think of the what-ifs as we contemplate life's little conundrums. We anticipate negative outcomes which may or may not happen. (Hint, they usually don’t.)

• What if they don’t like me? (What if they do?)
• What if I fail? (What if you succeed?)
• What if it doesn't work out? (What if it does?)

Okay, so in reality we overthink.

When we meet a challenge, I feel we should stop, look at it, decide on a course of action, attempt it and then evaluate the result. Did it work? It did? Great. Move on.

It didn’t? What different approach can I try? Because if I try the same thing again, I can’t expect some magically different outcome. And isn't that the definition of insanity: trying the exact same approach over and over, yet expecting the results to somehow turn out differently on their own? 

Or should I try something else and change something within  me that concerns the situation while remaining true to myself? Perhaps a simple attitude adjustment?

Or is the whole thing even worth my energy?

Depending on how major of a situation it is, I prefer the last one. If the situation isn’t worth my energy, I say fuck it and move on.

So, where the tree simply adapts itself to the challenge, we actually have the ability to remove the challenge from our path.

But, the biggest lesson I learned came from a part of the tree we don’t see; the roots. The roots keep the tree grounded, safe and secure. While the trunk twists, turns and does what it needs to, the tree itself remains grounded and secure in its tree-ness.

Whatever life throws at us we are capable of meeting it as long as we remain grounded which, admittedly, is not easy.

And if we can do that we can reach our canopy out into the universe to its fullest extent.

Just like the tree.

All photos courtesy of Jeffrey Ballam

Happiness

A friend recently asked me a very deep, personal question. But, before I could answer, my mind took me on a quick trip back to my younger years.

I viewed this surprise trip down memory lane as inspiration for this post. Or as a sign I needed to write it. 

He asked me, “Are you happy?”

The moment he asked me this, a book that belonged to my grandfather flashed before my mind’s eye. As a child, I loved this book both in its simplicity of text and artwork. As an adult, I now see that its simplicity is also its depth. The book was “Happiness is a Warm Puppy” by Charles Schulz,1962. 

Yes, that Charles Schulz of Peanuts fame. As I recall, the book consisted of one line for each character or pair of characters describing what happiness meant to them: 

• One page shows Lucy hugging a confused Snoopy expressing “Happiness is a warm puppy.”
• Another page shows Linus all snuggled in bed, “Happiness is sleeping in your own bed.”
• And yet one more illustration shows Lucy with a pair of tweezers and Linus examining his finger with the phrase “Happiness is finally getting the sliver out.”

(Disclaimer: I do not have the book and these are pages I was able to see on various listings on the internet.)

The other memory that sprang to mind when my friend asked me that question was a song my family enjoyed whenever it came up on the 8-track. (Yes, I’m that old!)  “Happiness is...” by Ray Conniff sums up this post in its core lyric: “Happiness is different things to different people.” It goes on to list various people and what makes them happy:

• To a preacher, it’s a prayer
• To a golfer, it's a hole in one 
• To a father, it's a brand new son

You get the picture, we all have our own definition of what happiness is, from a warm puppy to a brand new son. Granted these are external moments of happiness. All of which can be lost in a moment.

Which leads me to my point, true happiness is an inside job. We choose what makes us happy. We choose to be happy where we are in that moment.

Now, I’m not suggesting that we should try to make ourselves happy while in a relationship that may be toxic or no longer working. Nor should we settle for or stay in a relationship or job if we are truly miserable and no longer consider ourselves to be happy. Nor should we accept something that we truly can’t live with while in a relationship or job that is doing well. Obviously some compromises can be worked out. 

For a number of years, I was in a relationship and believed I was happy. But, I was only happy because I was in a relationship again right after my first parter had passed. I was no longer alone. The relationship began to change after a few years but I was still with someone who loved me so I felt happy, after all relationships are forever, aren't they? And, I didn't want to be alone again. Naturally.

Quite a conundrum.

I have come to believe we must first be happy with ourselves. The moment we decide to place our happiness in someone else’s hands, they will drop it every single time. Every. Single. Time.

Nothing is perfect. No relationship, no job, nothing.

So, if nothing is perfect that begs the question, can we define what happiness is within the context of a relationship? Or any situation, for that matter. I feel that as long as we can be happy with ourselves in an imperfect situation, we can accept the challenges and imperfections as long as we are not settling for something less than we deserve.

Many of us believe happiness is a destination. If only I had..., if only I were..., if only I worked..., if only my partner...

And yet, when we get those dream items often we aren’t any happier. In my opinion, chasing happiness like this is similar to dangling the carrot in front of the donkey to get it to move forward. Sometimes we end up focusing so much on leading the donkey, we take our eyes off our path and end up who-knows-where.

So, this brings me back to my original point, we need to be happy with ourselves before we can be happy externally.

With a potential relationship on the horizon, I am focusing on my happiness first. I am not depending on anyone else to make me happy. 

No one can. 

It’s my job, my responsibility and no one else’s.

So, to answer my friend, “Yes, I am happy."

Swords, Cups and Queens

Sometimes we are but a simple messenger delivering a message we don’t understand.

And we pray the message is good so we don’t get metaphorically shot.

Hopefully we will find out the verdict if we just wait.

And trust.

And continue to trust.

And then trust some more.

And then, voilà, all will be revealed in its own divine time over which we have no fucking control.

I had such a lesson quite recently. Fortunately, it all happened within the same hour period, so this was a very short era of divine time.

It happened in my Tarot group.

After our typical lesson and discussion period, we have a Readers’ Exchange, where, if someone has a question, the other readers who choose, offer to read for the questioner.

Now, I am one of the newest members in the group, both in learning and attending regularly. Some of the others have been reading for at least a year or two more than I have and some up to nearly twenty years.

It took me a few months to gain the courage to begin reading for all these veterans.

And, I took that step about a month ago.

This lesson I learned was just a week ago. Two of the more experienced members had a question for the Readers’ Exchange and I chose to read for them. Now, when I do a reading at home for a friend, or myself, I usually do a full Celtic Cross which involves ten cards across a table. That’s a little difficult to pull off in a restaurant where there are dishes, ketchup bottles, water glasses, etc on the table. Plus, we usually run upwards of ten people total so table space is at a premium. I’ve tried experimenting with three-card spreads, as in a past/present/possible future situation, or a where-are-you-now/what’s-blocking-you/a-possible-outcome spread.

In both cases, I drew three cards assigning a meaning to each position in the spread. The first question had to do with the possible outcome of insurance companies handling a claim of a recent automobile accident. In this case, I assigned speed-of-resolution to the first space, challenges-or-blockages to the second space and left the third space as a possible wild card, meaning a card for advice, clarification, etc. The first two cards made perfect sense to me for the positions they were in. The third had me stumped; the Queen of Cups. 

Now I could have thrown the cards back in the deck and redrawn, but would that improve my ability? And shouldn’t I learn to work with the cards and the questioner together? I mean, if this is what came up, it came up for a reason. And mine is not to wonder why.

As Cups is the suit of the heart, the Queen is the most nurturing and loving of the four queens in the deck and she can also signify a romantic connection. She is also the most maternal of the queens and very caring. I was having great difficulty connecting her to the situation, the car accident.

When a Queen, or any court card, shows up in a reading, it can refer to;

1. A real person,
2. An aspect of the questioner’s personality as it relates to the attributes of the card, or in some instances,
3. The energy of the card somehow in the overall situation. 

I ruled out the last one as I couldn’t see a car accident being somewhat nurturing.

Another reader was asking some clarifying questions based on the cards she had pulled, and our questioner began telling her story. I listened raptly for any mention of someone who might fit the Queen of Cups. As my friend recounted the story she began with how it happened and the immediate aftermath. She recalled sitting on a curb when a woman came up to her, said she was a nurse and made sure my friend was okay. The nurse stayed with her all day making sure my friend had something to eat, and made sure she got home safely. 

Then it hit me, the nurse was the Queen of Cups! I couldn’t see her in the spread even if she did come up. However, she was there in the story. 

The second reading was a general reading for a woman who was celebrating a birthday and wanted to know what the upcoming year might bring. I’d never done a birthday reading before, especially with three cards, so I improvised. I couldn’t very well do a past/present/future here. So, I thought mind/heart/body? Hmm, why not? And a fourth card to represent a theme for the year.

So, I drew the first card for the mind position, and it was appropriate. Cool. The second card, for the heart, was a bit concerning, but nothing tragic. The third card for the body was troublesome. The questioner had been having health issues, recently had surgery to remedy them and here I draw the Nine of Swords. A card of grief, despair, worry, anxiety, the list goes on. It’s not a good card to see come up. 

Soon, it came to be my turn to share. So, I shared the first two cards, and my friend understood them. Then it came time for the Nine of Swords and her health. As I held up the card, the energy I was feeling didn’t seem very heavy. I wasn’t filled with the sense of grief or worry normally carried by that card. I couldn’t place what exactly was happening but it didn’t feel as troublesome as when I first saw the card. Before I could go on further, my friend said, with a big smile on her face that she knew exactly what the card was referring to. And was quite content.

Whew!

As I am learning to trust in my readings, my broader lesson here is to also trust in myself.

The hardest lesson of all.

But, I’m getting there.