A Solitary Life?

Spiritual journeys are often very lonely. 

I like the word ‘solitary' better. 

‘Lonely’ carries some emotional weight, whereas I don’t feel that with 'solitary.’

In a recent chat with a friend regarding relationships, I asked him if he’d met or knew any other gay men who he felt were as spiritual as I. Sadly, he shook his head. I asked, “Then why should I pursue a potential relationship with a probable someone who possibly might not even exist?”

He shrugged.

Where I see things as orchestrated by the Universe, operating on the Universe's timetable and not mine, the majority of the people I know see things differently. As an example, if that elusive relationship really does exist, I believe it will happen at the right moment, rather than by my going on this elusive hunt from bars to clubs to apps to organizations to grocery stores to wherever hoping to meet that certain someone over a margarita, a screen profile or a vegetable bin. This makes it hard to share certain parts of my life because of these different perspectives which can often lead to misunderstandings and even hurt feelings.

Especially when that human/ego/mortal side of me slips up and tries to assert his needs and wants leading me into doubts and confusion.

And I share those moments with my friends. 

These dear friends reply as they see the situation through their ‘human’ eyes or from their ‘human’ perspective and not as a part of a spiritual journey and when that differing interpretation arises, it hurts, reminding me I am alone on this journey, at least among my circle of friends. And due to a texting misunderstanding earlier this week, I was painfully reminded of this, even as the misunderstanding has now been cleared up.

Yet, is this solitary life a result of my journey? Or could it be something bigger?

As I have dived deeper into my studies of the Tarot, I’ve found some interesting applications other than the standard readings. 

With astrology, there are many ways of looking at natal charts other than simple personality traits based on the Sun sign. One way of looking at the Tarot, according to Mary K. Greer, author of Who Are You in the Tarot?, is to determine your Soul and Personality cards using your birthdate.

My Soul card calculated to be the Hermit. Seems fitting. 

In a reading, the Hermit suggests spending time alone for deep introspection, searching for inner understanding, and needing or offering guidance. As a Soul card, the Hermit would suggest the same, yet this isolation also carries an inner strength that comes from facing the unknown alone. The Hermit teaches best by example and by living what he believes in, though he can have a tendency to hold others to the same standard. At the same time, the Hermit learns best by observing what others do rather than what they say and pays special attention to the actions of his role models.

On one hand, the Hermit appears to be logical and fact oriented, but on the other, is open to abilities that seem contradictory to logic and factual evidence. Yet, all of the above plays into the Hermit’s quest for inner understanding.

The Hermit’s solitude can have drawbacks, as it can lead to becoming overcautious, not taking risks and needing to know the outcome prior to taking that first step. (Note to self: this is something to work on.)

My Personality card turned out to be the Moon. 

The Moon can suggest a fear, or an illusion in the situation being read. The Moon also has a shadow side, that dark side we never see; therefore, in the reading it can also suggest there is something being hidden or kept from the questioner. As a Personality card, the Moon suggests strong intuition and working with the unconscious, being fascinated by the unseen and unknown-the "hidden." This unseen and unknown is the inner sense that the Hermit must learn to trust. And like the phases of the Moon, there are cycles of opening up and trusting, then fears of being deceived by his own experiences. 

The Moon has always been connected to magic and mystery, as many indigenous cultures and earth based religions follow the cycle of the moon for performing rituals and ceremonies. Its shadow side suggests a deep, hidden side of a person, a side rarely shown to others. The Moon also relates to the use of intuitional experiences vs. rational ones, i.e., “gut” instinct over “head” logic.

Seems accurate so far. Almost too accurate, and therefore somewhat unsettling, though intriguing at the same time. 

Is this part of my journey, and therefore my life, a mere coincidence, or has it been in the cards since my birth?

Inquiring minds want to know...

                                                   or, maybe I should just trust my instincts...

                                                                                                                       and journey onward...

letting the cards fall where they may...