On Hold

It pains me to say this yet again because I do believe people have good intentions, but the road to hell is paved with them. The intentions, not the people.

It was recently brought to my attention that I should not put my life on hold.

For anything. 

Or anyone.

And that caused me to think. 

What does "putting one’s life on hold" really look like?

I believe life is a journey of continued mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual growth.

Yes, I included physical because even though we stop growing up when we reach adulthood, we can, and should, continue to develop our bodies to maintain good health. And to avoid growing out.

And as long as we are growing, are we putting our lives on hold?

No.

Well, not in my opinion.

It seems to some, that because I’m not living my life according to what they think is appropriate for me, I’ve put my life on hold.

Because I’m not actively dating, like they are, I’ve put my life on hold.

Because I’m not overly social, like they are, I’ve put my life on hold.

Because I believe a certain area of my life isn’t over, and I’m not moving forward based on what they would do in a similar situation, I’ve put my life on hold.

Yet, because I am living my life the way I am, I still see myself growing in my emotional, mental, and spiritual health. I admit to needing to work on my physical health, and because I believe all four areas are interconnected, it will get better as I continue to work on the other three, but I must also address it for the other three to continue to improve as well.

Very often, in two parent households, one parent may stay home to help raise any children while the other parent earns money for the family’s necessities.

Has the stay-at-home parent put their life on hold?

I don’t think so as long as they are still growing in some of those areas I mentioned above and learning about themselves. (Disclaimer: I know not all people are spiritual, or maintain spiritual beliefs and practices, so as long as they are growing in the areas that matter to them, they are still growing.) I also know many parents learn more about themselves as parents which is still growth.

I also think that if you’re happy where you are, you have not put your life on hold.

I am, so I haven’t. So there.

California Gray whale off the coast of Long Beach, CA

I also believe we are the only source of our own happiness. No one else has the power to make us happy, because happiness is an inside job. If we depend on someone else to make us happy, we will be let down time after time.

When someone new comes along and we consider a relationship with them, we can choose to enter that relationship. Or not. That new person could could be a physically perfect specimen in our eyes, may try everything in the book to make us happy, be totally infatuated with us (but in a healthy way) yet if we're not happy on the inside, nothing will change that until we're ready to be happy with ourselves. You can lead the horse to the water or even bring it to the horse, but if that horse isn't thirsty, nothing will make it drink. Until it's ready.

As I have taken this time to work on myself, I have discovered I’m more introverted than I thought I was. Or, maybe I’m becoming more introverted with age. Or, perhaps I’m becoming more introverted when I see what’s out there. This all means social situations make me anxious due to the small talk and idle chit-chat. Plus, I’ve also discovered I’m mildly empathic which means crowds overwhelm me and drain me of my energy. 

So, dating is a big turn off and parties can be a nightmare.

I know that I need to learn to manage my introverted and empathic natures. In this new year, I will be taking steps in those directions, on my terms and conditions.

I also know that I need to detach from that moment when some well-meaning person decides to share their unsolicited advice on how I need to live my life according to what they believe is right for me. I need to simply let them spout off like a whale surfacing from the depths of the ocean, take a breath and then dive back into the stillness of the waters.

I also need to disarm my harpoon gun before it goes off and someone gets hurt.