Adaptations

Animals have had to adapt to survive in their environment. For example, giraffes’ necks have evolved to allow them to browse the tops of trees, while other herbivores can browse the lower branches. It eliminates competition for food, enhancing multiple species’ survival. And let’s not overlook the fact their long necks also allow them to see farther into the distance to spot those pesky predators, again a survival adaptation.

Humans, too, have adapted over time. 

We now walk upright.

We now use power tools.

We now have technologies that allow us to communicate over long distances at the blink of an eye.

We have telephone, email and that bane of communication, texting.

I’ve not kept my feelings regarding texting a secret, but I am still having the hardest time trying to adapt to texting as a major form of communication.

I totally understand the quickness and convenience of getting a message to someone:

• On my way!
• What do you want for dinner?
• I’m running late. Be there soon.
• Sorry, I have an emergency. Can we reschedule?
• A major weather event is headed your way.
• Your package has been delivered.
• Your order is ready for pickup.

But, for long overdue deep conversations, no.

And here’s why:

I believe people make time for what matters. If it’s important to you, you will either make the time or make up an excuse. And not just when it’s convenient.

I have also come to believe that texting has broken down our interpersonal communication skills. People use texting to avoid difficult conversations, e.g., breaking up via text, not responding to texts in order to ‘ghost’ someone. People hide behind the screen to avoid the personal confrontation; therefore, they never learn how to verbally express their emotions. Or deal with someone else’s.

Also, I don’t know how many times I’ve been in the middle of a textversation and I’ve asked a question, then waited hours or even days for an answer. And then, without any explanation as to the disappearance or delay, an answer appears as if by magic. It’s a good thing I wasn’t asking about going out to eat…I might have starved to death.

I have also come to see that texversating is a colossal waste of time. I can’t count how many times I’ve been asked to clarify whether I was being funny or sarcastic, if either; to further explain my point (okay, this can happen in an old-fashioned real live conversation, as well); or to correct that unfortunately misspelled word. And how many misunderstandings and repetitions have arisen out of bad speech-to-text conversions?

And let’s not forget that always lurking, evil demon, Autocorrect and its machinations.

All of this typing and re-typing also plays havoc on our posture, our wrists, etc. Doctors are now diagnosing “text neck”, “text claw”, “text elbow”, and most recently, “text thumb”, all from overusing smartphones and other devices due to texting in positions our bodies aren’t accustomed to being in for long periods. This then suggests using the speech-to-text function on most devices would be more convenient. Yeah, but how perfect is that? And if you’re already using your voice to dictate a text, what the fuck is wrong with actually speaking by phone????? Oh, you want the screen available to see if other more important text messages might come through. You’re polytextory, you believe in simultaneous multiple texting relationships. 

But, I am trying to adapt, really I am. I am having minor successes in learning to identify my emotional reaction to being ignored, “I guess I wasn’t important enough to get an answer to my question,” as well as recognizing the improbability that a dire emergency arose on the other end of the line-you’re either lying dead in a ditch, having a major coronary event or your house suddenly exploded. And usually, when I do get that rare explanation, it’s along the lines of “So-and-so just texted me. Sorry.” So, you interrupted our textversation to carry on a textversation with someone else and then maybe someone else while keeping me waiting? That’s like stringing me along or cheating on me, isn’t it? I get it, it’s a text-orgy! And I’m just one of many... 

Maybe I exaggerate. A tiny bit. Or, maybe it’s your polytextory thing.

I mean, I can understand a few minutes’ delay; seriously, I can. But, a few hours? Or the next day? And no explanation? That’s plain rude and disrespectful.

I know it sounds like I am unreasonable. But, I’m not. I do understand there are times when interruptions can’t be helped:

1. You have small children, rebellious teens, or spouses/partners demanding attention or food; 
2. It’s late at night in your time zone and you simply fell asleep mid-text;
3. You really are lying dead in a ditch.

Maya Angelou once said “If you don’t Iike something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” I can’t change the world’s dependence on texting long drawn out conversations, so if I want to survive in this new world, I guess I have to change my attitude regarding this phenomenon. So, to that end I will try my hardest to accept that: 

1. Texting is not the same as a face-to-face or a voice conversation and those texting me already believe that and will behave accordingly. I will not take it personally.
2. Texting is not the same as face-to-face or voice conversations which allow you to see facial expressions and to hear the tone of the speaker. I will simply read the text in a monotone which is exactly what the texter intended, I’m sure. I will not infer anything different.
3. Texting is not like being at a party where people will usually politely excuse themselves from the conversation, not rudely turn and walk away. I will not take it personally.
4. Texting is not like being at a party where good old-fashioned interpersonal eye contact lets you know who the comment was directed to and not inadvertently sent to the wrong person because of juggling multiple texting partners. I will not assume I am in a monogamous textversation and will not take any texting indiscretions personally.

I feel so defeated, so beaten down, so eroded-like a boulder to a pebble.

Perhaps, I could just learn to not have any expectations with texting. After all, text-pectations are a planned disappointment.

However, I will never, ever believe texting will convey the intimacy, courtesy or respect of a face-to-face conversation, or an actual voice call.