Lately, I've been thinking I'm confusing the pull I am feeling towards some men. A man I described in a recent post was very comforting to me during a difficult time. He was also very affectionate in that he hugged me at his place of business, and I later found myself thinking of him as a potential boyfriend when I wasn't even attracted to him physically. Perhaps I saw the potential of a friendship, rather than a relationship and was confusing my feelings.
After all, I hadn't been dating for the twenty-four years of my two long-term relationships and even now I can't say I've truly dated in these last three post-divorce years. I mean, I've only met three men in a kind of dating situation, i.e. online, and a fourth in his place of business and I'm not even sure he was gay. Needless to say, my dating skills are bound to be a bit rusty, if not downright corroded.
So, how do I tell which is which when I'm trying to build a gay social circle and/or maybe, possibly thinking about finding a boyfriend, especially while I'm doing both simultaneously? Is he friend material? Does he have boyfriend potential? Either? Neither? Dare I ask, both?
Add one more conundrum: I believe the best relationship starts out as a friendship and grows from there. Plus, I was not as physically attracted to my partners as I would like to have been, so that aspect of both relationships waned early. This time, I want to be. No. I need to be. So, do I only make friends with attractive men? How shallow can I be?
I think my head is going to explode.
The answer to my first question is time. I have to both make it and give it. I have to make time to get out and socialize. I have to give time to let friendships develop. I have joined a couple of gay groups to get out and socialize but for now it all seems so infrequent. The groups meet once a month, and usually during the same weekend. I do need one day a weekend for household chores and such. So, I have to choose which group to attend.
The answer to my second question is instinct. I'll know by my instincts if he has BP, boyfriend potential. I do want to say here that the very first man I felt had great BP did not fit my 'ideal' type of man. Usually, I'm drawn toward tall, muscular, dark-haired men. He was tall, skinny and (gasp!) blond! We just had an amazing mental/spiritual connection which made him very sexy. I guess I'm not as shallow as I may appear.
The third answer to this question is trust. I just have to trust it will all work out in the end and at the time it is supposed to.
I just need to let it.