Wednesday, November 13, 2013

The True Question

Lately, I've been thinking I'm confusing the pull I am feeling towards some men. A man I described in a recent post was very comforting to me during a difficult time. He was also very affectionate in that he hugged me at his place of business, and I later found myself thinking of him as a potential boyfriend when I wasn't even attracted to him physically. Perhaps I saw the potential of a friendship, rather than a relationship and was confusing my feelings.

After all, I hadn't been dating for the twenty-four years of my two long-term relationships and even now I can't say I've truly dated in these last three post-divorce years. I mean, I've only met three men in a kind of dating situation, i.e. online, and a fourth in his place of business and I'm not even sure he was gay. Needless to say, my dating skills are bound to be a bit rusty, if not downright corroded.

So, how do I tell which is which when I'm trying to build a gay social circle and/or maybe, possibly thinking about finding a boyfriend, especially while I'm doing both simultaneously? Is he friend material? Does he have boyfriend potential? Either? Neither? Dare I ask, both?

Add one more conundrum: I believe the best relationship starts out as a friendship and grows from there. Plus, I was not as physically attracted to my partners as I would like to have been, so that aspect of both relationships waned early. This time, I want to be. No. I need to be. So, do I only make friends with attractive men? How shallow can I be?

I think my head is going to explode.

The answer to my first question is time. I have to both make it and give it. I have to make time to get out and socialize. I have to give time to let friendships develop. I have joined a couple of gay groups to get out and socialize but for now it all seems so infrequent. The groups meet once a month, and usually during the same weekend. I do need one day a weekend for household chores and such. So, I have to choose which group to attend.

The answer to my second question is instinct. I'll know by my instincts if he has BP, boyfriend potential. I do want to say here that the very first man I felt had great BP did not fit my 'ideal' type of man. Usually, I'm drawn toward tall, muscular, dark-haired men. He was tall, skinny and (gasp!) blond! We just had an amazing mental/spiritual connection which made him very sexy. I guess I'm not as shallow as I may appear.

The third answer to this question is trust. I just have to trust it will all work out in the end and at the time it is supposed to. 

It will.

I just need to let it.


  1. I love your post. You are secure in your feelings and reflecting some humor. Getting out and socializing has been a big step for you. Enjoy the moments of meeting new people. I know there's a surprise waiting for you. Love life and enjoy the moments. Time runs out much too quickly.

    1. Thank you, Nancy! It will all happen at the right time. I'm still getting to know myself and figure out what I want and need in a relationship. And the dust is still settling from the divorce. But, I am in a much better place.