Sunday, November 3, 2013

Daddy Dearest

It seems lately I'm either catching the eye of some young man, or I'm finding myself drawn to younger men. I'm not saying young men aren't attractive; youth can be very alluring, very tempting, very sexual. After all, they're approaching their sexual peak. Yet, many of them still have their training wheels on and don't know how to handle a relationship.

Not that I am an expert by any stretch of the imagination. I mean, I've at least been in two long term ones, but I'm feeling a bit rusty having been out of the dating loop for a few years.

Many young men are drawn to older men for a variety of reasons; and let's face it, money is usually one of them. As soon as I suspect that may be a factor I quickly tell them this daddy has no sugar because I am a single homeowner trying to live on a public school teacher's salary. I can not afford to be generou$. I put myself through college, you can too!

Younger men also like to go out and party all night. As I'm up before the sun, I am beginning to wind down just as the night life is beginning to take off!

But, many young men are also looking for a mentor, someone to help them explore the nuances of a gay relationship, or helping them understand their gay selves. As understanding as some straight parents are, helping your son or daughter understand the special nuances of gay relationships and gay sex can be very uncomfortable.

As I am coming to understand myself in the context of sex/dating/relationships at midlife and find myself re-emerging into the gay male community, I am in no place to help someone else come to terms with himself as well. It would be a case of the semi-blind leading the blind. I'd accepted myself as gay long ago. But now, I'm trying to understand where, or if, I fit in the community now.

I think I've touched on this before, but as I have now come to recognize I might be ready to move on, I'm finding I don't like what I see in the community at large. Some men believe in love at first sight, others believe in love at first sex, and still others, possibly the smallest group out there, believe in letting love find them. I am now a card-carrying member of the last group, if not it's founding president.

When I was last available to date, there were no cell phones, there was no internet. (How did we survive?) Now, how he messages you tells you what he thinks of you. If he texts you, that's great. Email is second after a text, and then actual voice call. Or, is the voicemail superior to the email? I forget. Maybe I need my own daddy to help me learn the new rules of dating.

But, as I'm actually older than Anderson Cooper, does that qualify him to be my daddy? In the gay world, it's more of the attitude than the age, though thirty-five does seem to be the threshold into being called a "daddy."

As so much in my life is changing, and the myriad of changes has brought on some recent anxiety attacks, maybe it's best I just continue to move forward slowly. I'll be on the lookout for some nice man to talk to, and let things go from there. (And try to stay in the moment, and not project into the future.)

In the meantime, this is the only sugar daddy I'll be needing, or if some cute young thing starts chatting me up, I'll hand him one of these:

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