Friday, August 30, 2013

Just Be, part 2.

As I'm learning to just be in the moment of whatever moment I'm in at that particular time, I'm also trying to apply this knowledge to other areas of my life.

Some are easier than others.

Like teaching. I have to be in the moment when I'm teaching a lesson as I need to check for understanding with my students as the lesson progresses. I'd rather stop then and there and re-explain a smaller portion of the lesson, than have to back up and start over once the lesson is finished. I also have to be present for those others classroom situations that come up; a bloody nose, a loose tooth, a sick child, a fire drill, a shelter in place, a lockdown or the ever present California scenario, earthquake. Or the most amusing and my favorite, an unexpected answer to the question I just posed prompting a change in the direction of the lesson. If I'm not in the moment for each of those scenarios, things could take a serious turn.

Or, eating. Being present when eating often leads to weight loss. Taking the moment to be with each bite forces you to pay attention to your body and you may discover you're full sooner rather than later, if you are not distracted by email, television, or some other electronic device which could lead to overeating.

Driving is an area where it's kind of obvious you need to be present. If you are distracted, whether by something physical, a cell phone, changing a CD, shuffling an MP3 player or rather by some emotional turmoil/mental dilemma, serious consequences could result.

I'm also learning to be present with my finances, but here I see a paradox. How do you stay in the present without worrying about the future? It makes a lot of sense to save for the future; yet, one must also live for the present. So, how do you determine which is more important? Obviously by determining what you need for daily expenses, adding a cushion for unexpected necessities, and having a separate savings plan for vacations and future purchases and obligations; car, property taxes, home repairs, etc. In other words, a budget. Yet, even with budgeting determining priorities is tricky. I am in need of a new dishwasher, a new laptop and printer, and maybe soon, a newer car. I can live without a dishwasher for a while, and even a laptop. But, I will need them sometime soon. 

One place where I've found it difficult to be in the moment is when I'm home alone. I'm trying to catch up on my social media obligations; connecting and responding to friends on Twitter, Facebook, email, etc. Coming home, I try to decompress from the day by relaxing with a quick couple of online games, reading the news or streaming a few shows on the net. Or, I'm taking care of household chores. Yet, when I stop, my mind keeps going, and usually reliving past moments and thinking of something I should have (or shouldn't have) said/done, or reviewing a lesson that went wrong so I can fix it the next day before progressing to the next one. Okay, so the last one is an occupational hazard. But, reliving past scenarios won't change the present, but I can at least learn from them and take that forward into future situations.

Like dating, which is, perhaps, the most difficult place to be in the moment, for me anyway. What if someone catches my eye and my instinct tells me he's not husband material, but I am still drawn to him for some other reason? Is it right to pursue him? What if he wants more than what I can/am willing to offer? I can't get into his head and answer that. What if I start thinking there is more there than there really is only because he's paying attention to me? This is what I need to stop. Assuming he might be more attracted to me than he really is makes me sound conceited, and projecting more into a situation makes me sound desperate.

I've spent twenty-four of of the last twenty-seven years between two relationships. Am I ready to give up my new found independence, yet? My instinct says no. Am I ready to date for the sake of just dating? Maybe. I think. Perhaps. Am I ready to meet gay men to enlarge my social circle? Yes. I'm aware of past lessons I need to bear in mind as I move forward on my path, and one of them is to not settle for less than what I deserve. I deserve to go out and have some fun, that also

is true. As for settling down, no one says I have to, now. Or, ever. Only I get to say that. 

If I even want to.

I'll just see where I am moment by moment.
P.S. The reason for the pictures I chose? The ocean, the rocks, the buffalo and the bird; they all just are. They exist moment by moment.

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