How Will I Know?

I think my gaydar is broken. Or maybe just rusty. After all, I haven't used it in over twenty-seven years.

I'm no longer sure how to tell if a guy is gay or not. I mean, I begin going to a gay bar, start talking to a nice bartender, who's kind of cute but a bit young, only to discover he has a live-in girlfriend (his words, not mine) with whom he is raising a child. Once, when I was there, he called her to bring him something from home he had forgotten. He kissed her when she brought it. I saw him.

A straight man tending bar in a gay establishment? Okay, maybe he's bi.

Or just very comfortable with himself.

So, even the supposedly sure-fire ways aren't always sure-fire.

And if I meet someone, and find out he is gay, how do I know he might be interested?

I had a confusing situation the other day. After my dog, Mufasa, passed away in June, I realized I had never bought an urn for my other dog, Simba, who had passed away and was cremated in December 2011. I began researching and found a style I liked, which came in different finishes. That way, my dogs could have similar urns. After all, they were related to each other and had similar markings. Makes sense to me.

Since I wanted to see the exact urn for its size and colors, I drove to the establishment and was being attended to by a very supportive gentleman. While I was taking care of business with salesman #1, another associate also offered his assistance since the urn was out of stock in the finish I wanted for Simba and therefore, had to be ordered. (I suspect he was the one who did the ordering which explains why he assisted salesman #1.) This second one was quite handsome with gorgeous, big blue eyes. Yes, I'm more partial to brown, but gorgeous eyes are gorgeous eyes. He was tall (+), dark haired (++), scruffily handsome (+++) but appeared to be in his early to mid-30s (-), a bit age inappropriate for me. He asked me if I'd brought the ashes along, that way he could place them in the urn for me. I told him no, as I knew I'd need to order the urn because I wanted it engraved; so, I didn't bring them. He then suggested I bring them when I came to collect the urn and he'd put them in for me as some people can be a bit squeamish in this regard. I thanked him, and explained it was part of my closure and it didn't bother me to do it. His compassionate and understanding nature was very touching, but the third time he offered, I began to wonder if he was actually offering for a different reason. Was he really this compassionate? I mean it is the nature of his business, or was he being overly attentive for another reason? I also began to suspect he might be interested in something more when he offered to rush the engraving for me once the urn had arrived. I thanked him and told him the rush was appreciated but not necessary. After all, Simba had passed almost two years ago. I could wait a couple extra days. The urn and engraving ordered and paid for, he then walked with me out of the store, making sure I knew his name, (which was sewn on a patch on his shirt). During this entire transaction, he also attended another customer who'd come in, and he didn't walk her out.

How do I know what he wants? He works in an industry where compassion and understanding are important qualities when assisting clients. And they're very attractive qualities in a person, overall.

Since I was so distracted by his sensitivity and gorgeous blue eyes, how do I stop myself from projecting more into what could just be an understanding, gentle man taking care of a delicate business transaction with a client?

I was not even picking up any indications he was gay. No secret handshake, and we shook them twice. There was no little "catch" of the other's eye, that secret little look of interest only other gay men can pick up on. But then, he was at his place of employment. Maybe he turns it off completely, so as not to seem to prey on his clients' vulnerability.

Quite a conundrum.

Time will tell. After all, I still have to pick up Simba's urn, and then order and pick up Mufasa's.

I think I'll play it all by ear.