Clutter

We all have clutter in our lives; junk mail, receipts, bills, etc. Things that don't quite get into their correct place and eventually pile up. I never did really catch the lesson my stepfather tried to teach us, "A place for everything and everything in its place." The trouble is I have too many things and not enough places. And I don't always take the time to file papers in their proper place. During this summer vacation, I have been trying to tackle the clutter in my home, as it is preventing me from feeling productive and organized. I'm trying to sell collectibles I have and no longer want, donating things I can't sell, and tossing things I haven't looked at in at least a year. I know I have been productive, mainly with this blog but not as much with my other writing as I would have liked. Maybe that's what's blocking me.

We also have emotional clutter; unresolved feelings, unexpressed anger/hurt/regret at someone; things left unsaid, never telling someone you loved him; unanswered questions, why did she really leave? All of these  leave emotional clutter in our lives. I have been coming across a lot of clutter on this journey. And it all could get in the way when I meet the Man Across the Bridge. For me, this emotional clutter has been in the area of unresolved relationships. And I don't necessarily mean romantic ones.

As an example, my post "Entrances and Exits" dealt with the friend who had stepped (or, more precisely, was pushed) aside for my happiness and my wanting to make amends. I mailed the card to be there just before her birthday. I merely signed the card, "Happy Birthday, Jeff." But, I also included a note explaining that I just found out the truth; that I had blamed the wrong person, and wanted to restart where we left off.  I included my home and cell numbers, and hastily wrote in my email address at the last minute. I waited on pins and needles for a response. About a week after I mailed the card, I got an email from her. She thanked me for remembering her birthday and promised to call me soon. And now I wait, again.

Recently, I have also been concerned with another relationship, a family one. I'm not sure if it was a misunderstanding, or what exactly, but there has been no communication with this individual for over a year. I had made a few attempts to contact this person, but there was no reply. So, I gave up. I mean, how long must I try before I get a reply? At  least a year went by. I did leave a message that I was getting divorced and wanted to break the news personally instead of leaving it to the family gossip mill. Recently, there have been recent gestures of reaching out. So, I sent a message describing my understandings and recollections of what may have happened to affect the communication between us. And now I wait. It's up to the Universe to guide this one. I've done my part. And now I wait.

And there is a third relationship I am wondering about. She had been a good friend, one of those who enter and exit and you pick up right where you left off. But, I thought she was the one coming between Birthday Girl and me. And now, I understand she was there for Birthday Girl. Still, I'm not sure I'm ready to settle this one, and I don't know why. But, if I am to clean up the clutter in my emotional life, maybe I should. Or, maybe it's just the right thing to do.