Sunday, June 5, 2011

Patterns, Doors and Windows

I love this building!! It's a shame it's not in use anymore, except for film shoots. This is the old ticket lobby in Union Station, Los Angeles.

I was challenged last week in my meditation session, not by the leader, but by another participant. He believes, as do many counselors, that we humans select a mate that reminds us of one of our parents. I could understand that in heterosexual relationships, but in homo- ones? I was skeptical. I looked at my ex and didn't see him in any of the parent figures I have; mother, father, or step-father. But, I saw something else. I saw my mother, but in me.

My parents divorced when I was young, about 5, and she remarried just after my 7th birthday. In that short time, I don't recall her having dated any other men, but then I was very young, and while many things may escape the young, we do pick up more than adults might want us to. And I just can't recall any other men in her life. My first partner died, and I settled with the first man I dated afterward, just like my mother did after her divorce. Now that I have seen the pattern, maybe I can break it. But, old habits....And dating now is different, since it seems so electronic, with all the apps, lists and chat rooms available. I'm still an old fashioned guy. What happened to chance encounters (and not in bathhouses, or bars) or meeting through an organization? I guess they're still there, I'll just have to look when I'm ready.

This has been an interesting month, and I do go back because it started about a month ago. In the past month, I have reconnected with three friends from the past. I find it interesting that all three happened at about the same time. It seems the Universe does indeed take care of us. It will be nice to catch up with these friends.

Now that I have opened the windows and seen the patterns, I wonder where all the doors will lead me?


  1. "He believes, as do many counselors, that we humans select a mate that reminds us of one of our parents. I could understand that in heterosexual relationships, but in homo- ones?"

    -- I don't see why would he behave any different from heterosexual people? Passion, love and even sexual attraction work for us the same way they work for straight people, the only actual difference being the fact that we fall in love with people of our same gender. But we're all human beings and the same "in essence", after all.

  2. Love, love, love the photo, and am now drawn to visit this treasured landmark. Your blog title is so poetic, as it really seems to capture not only the essence of the shot, but an apt description of how your life is currently unfolding.

    When we choose partners, and/or develop our own perceptions of self and how we operate within our worlds, we are sometimes/oftentimes influenced by what patterns of behaviors or personality characteristics we observed in our parents or those closest to us during our early childhood. Seems we choose between three predominate patterns... We may emulate a parent's patterns/personality, we may rebel against what we observed and do the opposite, or we may choose partners in an attempt to allow us to work through our issues with a parent and heal the wounds if we're able to with that partner.

    All that said, sometimes we simply choose to create our own set of criteria that draw us to certain partners or individuals in our life. When we've established a healthy sense of self-valuing and confidence, we have a tendency to surround ourselves with people who reflect that.

    Above all, I believe in choosing with our hearts...our true knowing. No need to rationalize and attempt to "make it work," compromising our innate desires, values, and self-respect. Open the door wide and embrace your highest self esteem...the Universe will reflect back to you the greatest joy of all.

  3. am I one of the three?

  4. Well, anonymous, if I don't know who you are, I can't answer you.