Old and New

I love this photo for a number of reasons. First, the clouds; it was very overcast that day. Second, the contrast of the old and new, the old of the Russian Orthodox Cathedral and the newer architecture of the surrounding buildings with a touch of of some 1890's architecture thrown in. Third, it was taken in a place I had wanted to visit for a number of years, Sitka, Alaska!

I chose this photo for my latest entry because it signifies to me where I am in my journey. I am referring to my 'post-divorce recovery' as my 'journey' because I am on one. Not only am I recovering from the emotional trauma of the divorce, but in the recovery I have discovered some things about myself I hadn't expected to discover. I am at a juncture of the old and new in my emotional health. In these past 8 months of recovery, (8 months since he left! Time does fly when....) I have done a lot of looking back. Not taking blame, but wanting to avoid mistakes and making better decisions in the future and in my future relationship. Yes, I know there will be one, but when and with whom, I do not know. Only the Universe does. But, damn it, I want to be ready! And he doesn't deserve the emotional mess I am right now.

I see a lot of me in this photograph. The cathedral, in the center, is my spirituality. It doesn't overpower the rest of me, it just is there as part of the scenery. The older architecture, represented by the two buildings in the lower right, are the old me, while the modern buildings, most noticeably the apartment building next to the cathedral, are the new me, which is still under development. The trees behind the city are Nature which forms an essential part of my spirituality.

I have begun attending a guided meditation group which, I'm hoping, will help me to uncover some of my issues and fears, and to unpack my emotional baggage before I continue too much farther on my journey. In one of the meditations, I came to a bridge. Across the bridge was my future and what I most wanted. Across the bridge was a silhouetted figure of a man. I could not make out his face, but he was there waiting for me.

Journeys are always frightening and, as the saying goes, always start with a single step. I've taken that step with the meditation and I have seen in my 'heart of hearts' that all will be well. Now, I just have to remind myself of that, and work through the old, while taking care of the now to prepare for the new. I am frightened, I don't know what I will uncover, and it could hurt. Emotional garbage does hurt. But, if you don't take out the garbage, it eventually takes over and ruins everything, especially a good foundation. And I'm going to need one before I meet The Man on the Bridge.