Saturday, January 1, 2011

A New Beginning!

A new year means a new beginning. 2010 ended badly for me. My husband of 15 years (two of them with legal recognition in California and a few other states) decided he no longer loved me and wanted a divorce. He moved out in September and I have been adjusting to living alone, and taking care of the furry children we acquired during our life together. (He does contribute financially and takes them from time to time to help me out, but they live with me most of the time.) But this post is not about him, or the kids. It's about me.

Yep, I'm going to be selfish. This is my year. I'm taking the year to put myself back together in every way possible; emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Emotionally will take time; after all, time heals all wounds and 15 years is a lot of time to get over. Yet, I am impatient. I don't like feeling how I do. I hurt, and much deeper than I thought I could. But, this is an opportunity to grow, if it is true all things happen for a reason. I need to look back at the relationship itself and my part in it, learn from it and take that forward to the next one. Yes, there will be one. I know it.

Physically will also take time. My doctors say I am in great health for a man my age, so that is less of a worry. Thanks to my ex- I lost 50 pounds and have kept it off which has helped the health issues. About 5 years ago, he joined Weight Watchers, and that motivated me to join, and was more successful than he was. Now, I just need to motivate myself to work out to tone myself. I have an elliptical at home and some other equipment as well, but I need to make the time. After all, a hot bod helps in the husband-hunt, especially when there is "snow on the roof."

Spiritually will also take time. It seems when I am between relationships I get more spiritual. In 1994, my first serious relationship ended with his death due to HIV related causes. While recovering from his death, I had a very spiritual experience which has led me down a different path, some would call it "new age," but I call it deeply moving and very personal. My ex- was supportive of my spirituality, yet over the course of our years together, it took a back seat and now that I am alone, it has come back full force. So, I am returning to explore and embrace it further. I have received some signs that this is where I need to spend the most time. (I may blog about this in another post.)

There are other areas outside of these three that I need to work on to put myself together. 2011 is the year I conquer the clutter! It has always been a problem of mine, too much paperwork (that is a downside of teaching!) and not taking the time to file it away properly. I have also had the bad habit of not putting things back in their proper place when I finish with them. Old habits die hard, but I'm going to give it my best. (Again, it will help with finding the new bf.)

This is also the year I get a good grip on my finances. With the divorce pending, (I faxed my papers to our attorney yesterday) this is an excellent time to take a financial check up and see where I can improve my situation. (Again, dating as a fifty-something is different than dating as a twenty-something.)

Downsizing is also on my list of improvements. Do I really need that book on Norse mythology? Actually, I might. I bought it for research for a story I am working on and have been for about a decade or so. But there are other things in this house that I can donate, sell or just plain toss. And now seems like the right time to do so.

And that last blurb brings one last area of work. My writing. I have so many stories wandering around in my head that some of them are bumping into each other and into the walls of my brain and it hurts. They are starting to meld into one another and leaving me confused as to who is who and what story does she belong to and who was his partner and whose magic amulet is this? I must get them written down, if only sorted into a journal until I can sit and write.

But all this takes time. And one complaint I have is I have so little of it. Teaching takes time, time to prepare the lessons, time to deliver the lessons, and time to see if they got it. But that too, is something I need to work on. After all, I have a 40 minute commute, maybe I can use that time to do something.

So, 2011 is a new beginning for me. And I'd like to leave you with this. It's "A New Beginning" from Stephen Gately, may he rest in peace.

1 comment:

  1. Very nice posting, and don't forget to mail your book to me when it gets published.