Sunday, August 22, 2010

Sadness, part 2

I don't know what to do about a friend.

Out of the blue, my husband asked for a divorce. I had no indication something was amiss. Once he had made up his mind he turned to a friend of his from their college days.

She and I became close through the course of the relationship I had with my soon-to-be-ex-husband. I certainly can understand seeking advice from a friend. I've done it myself. What I can't understand, and I guess I never will, is why not talk to me first?

He went to her once he made up his mind. Maybe he turned to her for advice; should he end it? Maybe he turned to her to validate his feelings; is he doing the right thing?

My point is if he could turn to her once he made up his mind, he valued her more than me at that time.

He spends a lot of time with her, and tells me she wants to continue to be in my life as my friend. She cares for me as well. I don't know that I can be in her life. I am convinced she did not meddle in any way between us. She is not that type of person. The truth is she is a good person. I will miss her.

How I see it is like this: He stole the opportunity to save my marriage from me and, in a way, gave it to her. From his point of view, it wasn't worth saving as he had crossed into the point of no return. He now loves me as a friend, no longer as a husband. She is now in the middle. When he walks out that door, he has lost all rights to know anything about me. She lives close enough to come and rescue the dogs and cat if I were to become hospitalized, or otherwise detained from getting home. But, can she refrain from telling him anything? Only she can say. I guess the ball is actually in her court.

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