Online Adventures

Online chatting is becoming interesting.

I've noticed a pattern among those responding to my profile. They seem to fall into a few groups:

1. Men who are horny and say so in the first few messages;
2. Men, mostly from Asian countries, who are seeking a boyfriend/husband and say so in the first few messages;
3. Men whose picture doesn't match their description in their profile who are seeking a long term relationship and say so either in their profile or their first few messages;
4. Men who just want to chat and maybe see where things go.

The first group is self-explanatory.

• Him: "Hi, horny?"
• Me: "Nope"

And that's it. Though sometimes they come back and try again. And strike out again. And, once in a while, I see them on my "Recent Visitors" page...like the men who keep circling in the bar, hoping for a different answer the third or fourth time they ask.

The second group seems to be comprised mostly of Asian men, primarily from the Philippines, India or SE Asia, who are seeking love/or a long term relationship and are quite direct in saying so:

• Him: "Are you looking for love or an LTR (Long Term Relationship)?"
• Me: "No"
• Him: "Would you take me for a husband?"
• Me: "If I'm not looking for an LTR, why would I want a husband?"
• Him: "Okay, bye"

And some are quite determined.

• Him: "But, I know I'm the right man for you!"
• Me: "And how exactly do you know you're the right man for me?"
• Him: "Because I can make you happy!"
• Me, thinking: (and you know that because we've been chatting for all of three minutes, yeah, right.)

Two weeks later they message me, "I miss you," like the one night stand who won't go away.

Um, yeah, okay.

The third group is interesting. I'm really beginning to spot them right away. For example:

• The physical description does not match with the picture; Eye color: Brown (yet, in the picture they're blue or some color other than brown.) Or, they say no facial hair while they sport a full beard in the picture; or they don't have tattoos while the arms in the picture are covered with them. (Not the sharpest pencils in the box.)
• The ethnic description does not match with the picture; Yes, I know I am generalizing or stereotyping, but some times things just don't add up. The ethnicity says "Middle Eastern" and the picture is of a blond haired blue eyed man? Perhaps, but my guard will be up. 
• The description of what they're looking for is too damn perfect. E.g., "I am an honest, caring and reliable man. I am also a good listener and I seek a loving man that shares these same qualities. I believe a relationship is built on the loving foundation of trust, appreciation and mutual respect." Or this, my personal favorite: "I want a man who can handle me like the tender fragile egg that I am. I love from the depths of my heart and soul." And you are 25? Yeah, right.
• The photo is of a man in a military uniform. And for some reason, they are all mechanical engineers stationed in Afghanistan, ending their tour of duty in the next six months and are absolutely sure they are the right man for me, and why wouldn't I want a military man. And they tell me all this in about five to six messages.
• Their English is not quite correct enough.
• They usually only post one picture.
• And after a few chats, it hits; they all need money.

These are the hustlers in the bar scene.

Buh-bye.

It's the fourth group that has been the most interesting. And sadly, the smallest. But, definitely the healthiest men in the bar.

Me, on an Alaskan adventure

I have met some genuinely nice men who simply want to chat. There has been no mention of sex. I have had some deep spiritual discussions with a Native American man, several compliments on my Spanish from a Peruvian, a Colombian, a Mexican and a very cute Chilean. A couple of men were interested in my writing or photography and inquired about my work, and a few retired teachers have asked how the profession has changed. One immense drawback, none of them are local. Well, one is; and he may turn into a writing buddy. 

Several friendly chats have started off nicely, yet have gone nowhere. They would start off in general conversation, but then we seem to miss each other. I guess the idea of chatting is to do it live, rather than leaving a message. Maybe live chatting is more important with gay men in case the messaging takes a, um, more, um, discreet turn. I don't know.

A couple of these men have led to the foundation of a nice friendship, however geographically challenging it might be. One even virtually held my hand while I was in Urgent Care for a recent appendicitis scare. (Turned out to be a torn, overworked muscle, but in the general area of my appendix. Better safe than sorry...and I'm grateful he was "there" when in reality he was about 250 miles away.)

Yet, whatever direction any of these conversations take, it will all be one new adventure.

My Latest Foray...

My latest little chatting adventure has left me a little, no, a lot disappointed.

After the African Gold Mine marriage scam, (see my prior post, Snake Oil? ) I decided to just see what happened, and kept chatting, though more guarded.

One Saturday morning, I awoke about my regular time, ~5:30 AM and for kicks decided to see who had visited my profile overnight. A few guys, but no one who really grabbed my interest. I returned a few innocuous messages, "Hi, handsome!", deleted a few others, "you horny?", when a new one came through. It merely said "Handsome" but there was no profile picture to accompany it. Oh, lord, I thought. I checked the profile page: he lived in Chicago, 5'9", 180 lbs. with brown hair and eyes, and a goatee. Sounded dreamy, but with no profile pic, I was skeptical, and the distance was undesirable. Then I got the notification he was sending me a pic. I prayed it wasn't a dick pic. I waited for the picture to load, anticipation building. Which head would I see, big or little? Finally it materialized in front of me. 

OMG. If I thought Scam Guy was hot, or at least the guy used in the fake profile pic was hot, this guy was even hotter. OMG. Where Scam Guy was very attractive in a clean, masculine preppy way, this new guy was hot in a rugged, masculine way. He was not naked in this typical bathroom mirror selfie, but in a tight yellow t-shirt, hugging a nicely toned chest and biceps, and blue jeans. The baseball cap on his head gave him maybe a bit of a country redneck look to him. But, still, OMG!

Not him, but close

A second pic notification soon followed and again I found myself hoping it was not the seemingly required pic of the little head. It was full frontal, but of his face. His neatly trimmed beard-not a goatee, soulful eyes, and a different baseball cap only stirred my attraction and a few other feelings as well. I mean, damn! He was hot!

And I told him so. 

We ended up chatting a total of over 6 hours that first day.

Three hours into this first chat that Saturday morning, he told me he had never chatted this long with any guy on the site before and he was enjoying himself. He did get a little flirty, commenting we were both sort of in bed together, how sexy that was and that he was in his briefs. But he needed to sign off the site and get his day going.

Me: Okay, I enjoyed our chat, let's have coffee in bed together sometime soon. 

Him: I'd love to.

Me: I'd love to keep chatting to get to know more about you.

Two hours later, he replied: I'd like that too. And besides, thinking of you makes me all warm and fuzzy.

I actually think I blushed.

And we chatted again for a couple more hours, until he said he had to go and take a nap. One hour later he was messaging me again. It seems his dog woke him up! (Good dog!) And I still made him feel all warm and fuzzy. We chatted two more hours until I had to get ready for my evening date with Adam Lambert.

And we ended up chatting for almost nine hours the next day. We set up his iPad so we could chat there instead of on his work phone (he's not out at work) and not through the original site gets bogged down with all the guys looking for hookups, virtual or otherwise. And maybe eventually, FaceTime. I asked him what he did for fun and he replied "reading, building stuff, and painting."

Me: Do you paint buildings or pictures?

Him: Art.

Me. Damn, you just got sexier.

Him: Can you receive a text? (this was pre-iPad)

Me: Yes

A few seconds later I received a text bubble saying "My Rooster." I sincerely hoped he wasn't being coy and meaning something else. Soon the picture came through and it turned out to be a painting of a rooster. A real painting of a real rooster, not his own personal "rooster." A barnyard rooster.

He told me how much he enjoyed our chats, both when we got a little flirty and when we didn't:

Him: Damn, you are so hot!

Me: Thank you, so are you.

Him: I bet you're fun to cuddle with.

Me: Too bad we can't find out in real life.

Him: I know. Big spoon or little spoon?

Me: Either, depends on my mood.

Him: love that

Me: I'd also love to sit and just talk over coffee.

Him: Oh, I'd love that too. I just love chatting with you.

Me: I'm enjoying getting to know you.

Him: I'm yours in so many ways. (A phrase he'd repeat at least twice more) Are you seeing anyone?

Me: No one. Are you?

Him: No. No steady. Could I see a picture of your house? 

I thought it was an odd, yet very different than what many men ask to see. And I obliged, as did he. 

He later shared he was packing for a business trip and leaving the following day, Monday, followed by a pleasure trip. He made it clear he would be alone while on business but with a friend on the pleasure portion that weekend.

Me: Safe travels.

Him: Thanks. We'll chat next week after work.

Me: Sounds good. (I interpreted 'next week' to mean after this week when he was back in Chicago.

I was wrong. He messaged me Monday evening when he was in his hotel room.

Him: Hi, sexy.

Me: Hi, stud.

Him: Sweet talker. I wish you were here with me.

Me: I do, too.

And then Tuesday morning: Hi, sexy.

Me: Good morning, handsome.

Him: How long before you leave for work?

Me: A couple of hours, but I still have to jump in the shower and get dressed.

Him: Hot visual

Me: Oh?

Him: You all wet and soapy...(I have to admit, I'm not used to hearing this kind of talk from a man I think is extremely handsome and very sexy. But, I was indeed enjoying it...)

Me: And I'm picturing you that way too...

Him: Mmmmm

And he messaged me later in the afternoon, but sadly I had an engagement so we chatted again Wednesday morning. And later that evening...

I knew he was going on a pleasure trip with a friend following this business trip, so I didn't expect to hear from him. And only five days into whatever this was going to be, he didn't owe me any explanation.

I gave him what seemed like a reasonable time, two days, to get back home and into his routine when I messaged him:

Me: How was your trip?

Him: Hi, sexy. Great. Back home. How was your week?

Me: A bit exhausting, all my students wore me out.

Him: Oh, you could use a back rub!

Me: Mmm, yes. Or just a cuddle...

Him: Yes

Me: Feels good to be in your arms...

Him: The best

Me: Mmmmm

And there it ended...he never replied. 

And I'll never know why, or what happened...

Though I have my suspicions...

Oh, well, moving along...

But, damn, he was hot!!