Men, Pets, Relationships and Happiness

It seems people have a tendency to want others to be happy.

I get that. It shows they’re coming from a good place. They have a love and affection for someone else.

People also have a tendency to believe that what makes them happy will make others happy, too.

That is not necessarily true.

A former colleague of mine didn't like chocolate. She wasn't allergic, it just did nothing for her. I can't fathom that.

Another friend spends a lot of time at Disneyland. He says it’s his happy place. After all, it is “The Happiest Place on Earth.”

Maynard, she came to me with the name,
but it did suit her

It is not my happy place. It used to be. I am over it. Been there, done that, bought the Tee-shirt. Several, in fact. Plus, a few souvenirs, collectibles, CDs and DVDs, too. I may even have some of their own Disney Dollars still put away.

The mere thought of being in a crowded place such as Disneyland sends my anxiety into overdrive. Even seeing his pictures can trigger it.

When people realize I’m single, they encourage me to start dating. I ask them, “Why? I’m happy where I am.”

They usually reply with “But, you need a man to complete you.”

“But, I am already complete by myself.”

“A partner, a soulmate, will make you happy.” 

“Happiness is an inside job. I choose to be happy where I am. If you rely on, depend on, or expect someone else to make you happy, you WILL be disappointed.” They are usually lost at this point and I’m not ready to deliver my thesis on the definition of a soulmate. I’ve posted many blogs on THAT topic here.

Xena, such a lady

I view my happiness as if it were a fragile heirloom. I am not going to place it in the hands of another person and hope/pray they don’t drop it shattering it into a bajillion pieces.

Then they give up and suggest I need a pet.

And I offer my reasons why I disagree.

Of course they counter-argue because if having a pet makes them happy, it has to make me happy too, because, after all, all humans have exactly the same likes. And who doesn't like animals?

Recently, a dear friend of mine needed someone to watch her dog for a couple of days and asked me. I was a bit hesitant at first because even if it was only just for a couple of nights, it would still be a big change for me as my last cat crossed the rainbow bridge in 2014.

After negotiating whether I would stay at her place or her dog would come here, we settled on him joining me at my house to ease my discomfort. Plus, I would have my food, books and computer at my disposal to do what I needed to do and it would save wear and tear on my car driving back and forth checking in on him.

Part of the reason I don’t want or need a pet was seeing her anxiety surge over leaving her dog. This trip was an impromptu business trip she was required to go on. I recall the anxiety I had when I went on my Alaskan cruise in 2008, leaving my two dogs and one remaining cat with a trusted friend for one-and-a-half weeks. Plus, I started reliving the anxiety over “Did I remember everything? The vet’s number? Did I tell the vet about my friend taking care of my babies?” for that trip. 

Gabrielle, so affectionate

I collected her dog and all his accoutrements on the appointed day, drove him to my house and got him settled. He’d been to my house twice before, so it wasn’t a totally new place for him. But, he was now with me, not his mommy. Then I had to leave for a meeting. And I worried how he’d react being suddenly alone in a strange house.

The overall experience went well and he was very well-behaved given the circumstances of this also being his first time away from his mommy.

However, I came to further realize why I don’t want a pet.

After five years, I'd forgotten how demanding or needy they can be. Whenever I would sit down, he would climb in my lap. I recognized he was nervous because of the situation and gave him the attention he wanted. Eventually, he’d move over to the other side of the couch and relax. His cuddling did make reading a bit awkward whether I was reading an actual book or an e-version on one of my devices.

They can have their annoying moments. Every morning, I put out birdseed to feed a few birds on my back table. He’d bark at them. They’d fly away and then come back. He’d bark again. Since he could see them from over the sofa, I was also afraid he’d jump over the back or the arm of the sofa and get hurt landing on the floor. (I did have that happen to one of my own dogs, so I am aware of the possibility.) He’d bark at any noise in the house; the heater kicking in, the house settling, a neighbor walking by. I understood this was a new and confusing situation for him and just reassured him it was nothing to worry about.

Some of my furniture is not suited for animals. I have two leather rugs which would make cleaning a bit difficult should there be an accident on one of them. I burn a lot of candles on low-lying tables and would be concerned about a curious animal getting burned. I also have a number of plants that could be inviting to chew on, particularly for cats. One plant in particular can be toxic.

Simba, such a couch potato

I realize these are all negative aspects of having a pet and that the barking issue might suggest I’m more of a cat person, which is very true. As an adult, I’ve had more cats than dogs.

Cats are a bit more independent than dogs. They don’t need to be outside to take care of their business. I live by the rule cats should not be left to roam outside due to cars or coyotes. I also live by the general rule that the optimum number of litter boxes should be equal to the the number of cats in the house plus one. One cat needs two boxes, optimally. This is a bit flexible as the size and layout of the house can influence the number of litter boxes as well.

I admit that all the negatives can be worked around. I could toss the leather rugs and the plants. But, replacing the rugs could be costly. Which brings up another important point. I simply can’t afford it. The food, the necessities, the vaccinations and vet visits all add up and I’m not in a financial place to stretch my budget any further without it shattering. 

Mufasa, the gifted child with ADHD

I do recognize the companionship, unconditional love, and health benefits of having a pet. I've been there; I cherish the moments I had with all these precious angels. I miss them and all their little quirks terribly: Maynard, curling up in my lap when I wanted to cross-stitch; Xena, making biscuits on the tenderest part of my arm; Gabrielle, grooming my eyebrows at 3:00 in the morning; Simba, never learning to go up or down the stairs and always assuming his position to be picked up; and Mufasa, perhaps the quirkiest of them all, teaching me how he wanted to play fetch. But, I also recognize and honor where I am in my journey.

In short, having a pet is neither a responsibility I want nor an expense I can afford as I know what is emotionally best for me as well as what my budget can handle.

I just wish others would honor that as well. 

With me, always

Photos courtesy of Jeffrey Ballam