Introversion

I recently posted on Facebook about having a typical introvert day. A few friends ‘liked’ my post with two even giving me a sad face reaction. Knowing them, I’m sure it was more because they felt bad I had a bad experience rather than being sad because I’m an introvert. In reality, the day was just exhausting, neither good nor bad, just exhausting.

Here is my post:

• You know you’re becoming more and more introverted when socializing with people you choose to socialize with in an activity you choose to participate in is still so damn exhausting all you want to do is get home and sleep for days. #introvertproblems

One of the above friends very lovingly expressed his concern that I might be going through depression. I assured him I wasn’t, thanked him for his concern and then began wondering what exactly is the difference?

According to multiple sources, the difference is huge. As in Grand Canyon huge. Introversion is considered more of a trait, a part of one’s personality; while depression is a condition that can be treated, often with medication and/or therapy. Few people consult therapists to overcome their introversion; but introversion is often discovered while in therapy for other reasons.

Depression worries about the past while it’s twin, anxiety, worries about the future. But, introversion is about the now, sort of. But not in a worry kind of way. Depression can weigh on you, while introversion is part of you.

However, severe cases of introversion can lead to depression.

As I look back at my post, I see another key difference. Twice. The word, ‘choose’. I chose to socialize with that group of people. I chose to participate in that  activity. I made the choice full well knowing it might have this effect on me. Many people suffering from severe depression don’t make that choice; they might choose to avoid social situations altogether. An introvert usually does want to step out more, while someone with depression usually doesn’t. And when we do step out, it drains our energy so much, we need time to ourselves to recharge.

Disclaimer: not all people with introversion, depression, or anxiety react the same way. I am writing with large generalizations in mind. I know many introverts who prefer texting over phone calls to avoid the chit-chat. I am the opposite. With my good friends, I want to hear their voice; I want to hear the nuances of the tone in their voice not have to judge it in a text, often incorrectly. I want to know they will make and take the time to spend with me, instead of relegating a reply to a text when they can make time for it, often hours or days later. I’ve written so much about texting vs. calling, so I won’t go there again.

As I sit here drafting this post, I am aware that I have two back-to-back social events beginning this afternoon into the evening. The mere thought of them is already exhausting me.

And then to come home to a roommate, who can be somewhat needy, is enough to push me over the edge, already, and it’s still morning as I write this.

My therapist struggled with a diagnosis for me. This was shortly after my divorce, and yes, I was depressed. But, I went about my regular routine. I got up, got myself ready for work, did what was required of me, then carried out the rest of my day. I did it all again, the next day. And the next. So, I was functioning. Many people with heavier forms of depression often struggle just to get out of bed. They can struggle in their daily life. They may turn to substances. In the end, she decided on an adjustment disorder as I was having difficulty adjusting to this new stage in my life, but was managing to carry on, as best I could. But, we also did discover I have some mild form of social anxiety particularly as it relates to the gay community.

There is no cure for introversion. We simply learn to live with it. 

So, please never tell an introvert, to “Get over it!”

We can’t. Nor, do we have to.

P.S. I did make it through both social events but was exhausted by the end of the evening, only to come home to the roommate and all her drama. Oy, what a post that would be.