The Hanged Horse

Coming out of the closet is never easy. We never know how we’ll be received. 

But I guess it really doesn’t matter as long as I accept myself.

And I guess it really doesn’t matter as long as I don’t give a fig what others think, which is sometimes harder to do.

Especially when you already know you’re a bit out there anyway.

So, why not not go that one step further?

Here goes. 

My interest in oracle cards has now grown to include the Tarot. 

There I’ve said it. I’ve come out of the Tarotist closet. But, I’m still a beginner. And no, I don’t see myself setting up shop as a psychic reader.

(Note: there will be more on how I came to this decision in future posts, stay tuned! But, I will say this for now, as I’ve been opening up to the guidance of the Universe, this feels very right for me. And I will say, I’ve had some interesting experiences around my new venture.)

I found a highly recommended book for beginners, began reading it and later went to a metaphysical bookstore and bought my first deck; a beginners' deck with crib notes on the cards, kind of like Cliff’s Notes Tarot Cards. One initial exercise in the book was to take the deck, look at it card by card and see what impressions, emotions or feelings I associate with the imagery on that card. I came to one particular card and a metaphysical 2x4 hit me upside the head. “Your friend needs to see this card, she needs this lesson.” Okay, okay, I thought, I’ll show it to her. When I did, she said it was exactly what she needed to hear at that moment as upsetting as it was. Hmmm, confirmation that I’m supposed to be learning the tarot to help others? And to learn to trust my intuition? Or the voices in my head? 

The author suggested an additional method to learn the cards and their associations; pull a card a day, study it, and look for ways it might apply to your life. Kind of like what I do with the oracle cards. Cool, I can do that.

So, the other day, I pulled my two cards, one from the Tarot, and the other from the Power Animals deck. I drew the Hanged Man and the Horse. When I started looking at the associations with the cards, I was blown away.

To the Native Americans, the horse meant freedom. Once they learned to accommodate the horse in their lifestyle, they became freer to move about the Plains and freer to follow the bison herds. But, freedom involves choice. Choice involves consequences which in turn involves responsibility. So, in the long run, if we learn (and are willing!) to take responsibility for the consequences of our choices, we can then assume greater freedom in our life. We can choose to move forward, change direction or simply stand still. If we are willing to accept what comes our way, regardless of the choice we make, we have stopped playing the victim card. No pun intended.

Let’s apply this to my life. I had planned to retire four years from when I did. Yet, I wasn’t happy. Had I continued working and complaining (and becoming more and more miserable), I would have been subconsciously playing the victim card, I was a victim to money, a victim of the system. I chose to retire early, and am taking responsibility for the consequence of that decision. 

The story around the Hanged Man is very paradoxical.  He has four key associations; suspension, reversing, letting go, and sacrificing. The first two are obvious; he’s being hung upside-down. In a reading, this could suggest that something might need to be suspended (put on hold) or reversed (a change of mind and/or direction.) Around his head we see a glowing light, a halo. He has sacrificed himself, yet has received divine understanding. The look on his face is not one of pain or fear, but of serenity. He understands, he has accepted the consequences of his choices. He is no longer a victim, but a martyr. He has emerged a “victor” by letting go. (Yes, I know he died in the end, which isn’t necessarily victorious, but he died for what he perceived to be the greater good.) In a reading, this might suggest that the answer to a dilemma might involve letting go or a sacrifice of some kind-maybe letting go of a perceived outcome. I'm not suggesting martyrdom, but perhaps there is an unusual solution to the dilemma. Perhaps the solution lies within the paradox of the situation, or maybe it's something way outside the box.

I feel victorious because I let go of my planned retirement date, I reversed my direction and retired early. Yes, I have had to make some small sacrifices to get by, but I don’t feel victimized by doing so. I actually feel freer.

That was the past, what about now? What is the lesson for today?

I think the similarities between both cards and the fact they turned up randomly on the same day (or was it really random?!) are reminding me to continue to let go of expectations, to accept responsibility for my choices and to continue to trust that all will turn out in the end.

But above all, to remember I am not a victim.