Dreams, Hopes, Expectations and Goals

While I’ve been on this Twin Flame Journey, I’ve been reading many, many articles on what it is and how to walk it. I’ve researched it’s origins, and significance. I have blogged a bit about my findings.

This journey began when I met the man I believe to be my Twin. Many of the articles I’ve read tell me the journey is more about each of us discovering our True Authentic Self than it is about us together. Our initial meeting started us on this path of deep personal healing for an eventual reunion. The difficult part is not knowing when the reunion will take place. Or, if it will at all. 

One of the latest articles I read specifically for Twin Flames focused on letting go, a common theme for us. Usually the articles have encouraged us about letting go of our fears and control. But this one was different as it spoke of letting go of  our own expectations. Expectations of what, I wondered? But the article also strongly cautioned against giving up on the Twin or of dreams of the reunion.

So, let go of expectations, but hold on to my dreams? What the hell did that mean? And what exactly is the difference I thought? 

So, I sat down and thought about it all. And then I wondered how hopes and goals would fit in here as well, because I see them as somewhat related, yet different. Like cousins. 

To me, a dream is a ‘what if…’ or an ‘it would be nice to…’ There is some emotion involved.  "It would be nice to meet Cher." OMG, I would be ecstatic! See, an emotion. After all, isn’t a dream a wish your heart makes?

I see a hope as a bit stronger than a dream, perhaps triggering more action in order to see the dream fulfilled. Once many years ago when I was a Disney fanatic, I had a dream of going to what is now known as Disneyland Paris. So,I didn't just dream about it, I took it step further. I bought a poster of the Eiffel Tower (Disneyland Paris hadn’t been built yet) had it framed and hung it on a wall. I placed a five gallon water bottle under it and all my spare change went in it. I would even stop and pick up coins I would find on the ground, mostly pennies. My partner at the time, also a Disney fanatic, was a bit embarrassed by it, "Pennies for Paris,” I’d say. These actions made my dream more of a concrete hope. (Can hopes actually be concrete?)

An expectation is similar to a hope, but is dependent on someone else responding in a particular way, or a particular result of an action. "Barring aging, I expect my car to run well, as long as I keep it properly maintained." "I expect Cher to return my phone calls." (I never said expectations had to be reasonable. That’s another post for another time.) Because expectations are dependent on a desired outcome, they hardly ever turn out how we expect them to, therefore turning them into a planned disappointment. Or so a therapist once told me.

A goal is like a target, something to aim for. I have a goal to complete my current works in progress. Plus, a goal is usually measurable. As a teacher, I would set goals for my class-“I will reclassify x% of my English Learners by the end of the year.” Goals can also be personal-“I will return to London before 2022.” Goals usually have a timeframe which can be adjusted as interruptions and obstacles arise and goals don’t tend to carry as much emotional weight that dreams, hopes and expectations do. 

So, how does this all relate back to my journey with my Twin?

As I’d said earlier, our initial meeting set off a period of deep personal introspection and healing to lead to a possible eventual reunion. I say possible because we both need to work on our own healing, and if one of is isn’t, then reunion won’t take place. So, setting a goal for reunion isn’t the right thing to do. I can’t dictate a timeframe for him to finish healing. After all, he is his own man. Nor should I set a goal for me to complete mine, for something unexpected from my past could always come up.

Having expectations that the reunion will take place are also inappropriate as they depend on someone else’s actions. What if his healing is extremely deep and painful? He might take longer than I, or he may be afraid of the pain he’s confronting and just not want to confront it. Yet. Or, likewise, I may encounter something very painful and choose not to confront it.

I can hope for the reunion to take place, but take no steps to speed it up. I have to let go of control. I have to let go of my past hurts. I have to let go of my expectations that it will happen. I must simply live my life as I see fit. 

With no expectations.

But, I can still dream.