Time

They say that songs can songs can speak to us. I get that when I consciously listen to them. But what about when you wake up with a line or melody already running through your head? Some say it's a message from "the other side." I'm not sure what to think.

Well, I woke up with such an earworm the other day and it kept tickling all morning.

Oddly enough, it seemed to echo the theme of a post I have been contemplating writing, even if it steps on some toes.

When I read the lyrics online, the song didn't fit the general theme of where I saw the post going. But the individual line running though my head did seem to fit.

The song was Time (Clock of the Heart) by Culture Club which I hadn't heard in years. Maybe my subconscious reached way back to find it in order to tell me something. 

The line wiggling through my brain was "...time is precious, I know."

I've been dealing with some difficult situations recently, forcing me to rethink things.

I can't remember a time when I had felt so low before. Okay, maybe once back in high school when I was first entertaining the idea I might be gay and couldn't cope with that idea as a born again Christian. I mean, God wouldn't allow one of His followers to be gay, now would He? After all, God despised homosexuality and its practitioners, and if He despised me there was no point in living.

Okay, and then again, maybe once or twice during my relationship with my now ex-husband when things weren't going well. And if I didn't see an end to the pain and despair I was feeling, then there was no point in going on, was there? While in both instances I was tempted to do something drastic, I never did.

I'm glad I never acted on those impulses. 

This time, I reached out to many people, only not to hear back.

I messaged a friend, only to see my message sit in his inbox, unread and unacknowledged for over three months. 

I told a friend I really needed to talk, she replied, "Okay." I have yet to hear back, four months later.

I guess I just wasn't enough of a priority.

Other friends have had their own issues and lives and families to deal with and were very busy. While I am learning to accept that out of sight is not necessarily out of mind, I am also learning to depend mostly on myself. 

And that's a good thing. 

But, it also makes me less open to trusting others, even close friends.

And that's a bad thing.

As I read the lyrics to Time (Clock of the Heart), I understood the song to be more about a lost love, which also echoes my current situation.  

Yet, in both situations, I see a connection to the song. 

Time is indeed precious, so take advantage of the time with people in your life, as you never know what may happen.

We can lose people we love at any time, for a multitude of reasons-sudden illness, accident, natural phenomena, or something worse.

I will take ownership of the fact I didn't tell these people how low I was feeling, but that is still not an excuse to at least acknowledge a message, or follow through on a request to talk. Or to at least show a concerted effort to make time.

As far as the lost love, some further lines in the song spoke to me (about him):

This could be the best place yet,

But you must overcome your fears.

In time it could have been so much more.

The time is precious I know.

Maybe this song came to me as as an affirmation of what I was already accepting-he needs to overcome his fears. While I can't hurry him, time is indeed precious for us, as I may move on, give up entirely, or... not be here.

I've been seeing so many synchronicities around me that I am simply taking them all as an affirmation that I am on the right path, I am in the right place just where I need to be.

And all will be well, whatever is to be.

And that's a great thing.