I may come off as superficial and shallow in this post, but I'm learning not to care what others think of me. So, I don't care if you think I am superficial and shallow.
After a recent post, a reader asked what a man has to be like in order to pique my physical interest. And that got me thinking about my two relationships. Because neither of them did, at first.
It's funny, but after they both ended, people told me they expected my partners to be somewhat different, that neither of them looked like what they expected my partner to look like, that we didn't look like we belonged together so I must have seen something deeper in them. To which they gave me credit.
Maybe that's what the problem was. We didn't even look like we belonged together. And maybe what I thought was deeper, wasn't deep enough for me.
In the three years I've been single, I have been reflecting on the mental/spiritual/chronological/emotional/financial qualities I'm looking for in a boyfriend/potential husband, and maybe I haven't considered the physical attraction enough.
So, this time, I'm going to pay more attention to it.
To that end....
I want my boyfriend to be hot like....Ben Cohen. Ben is a British rugby player who is taking a stand against bullying with his Stand Up Foundation. He was recently asked to participate in Britain's version of Dancing with the Stars, and was quoted as hoping for a male partner. I love his attitude, his muscles, and the fact that this openly straight man is so comfortable with himself only adds to his sexiness. But, his heterosexuality, as well as his wife and daughters, are major drawbacks to our getting together. I'm not a home-wrecker.
Or, I want my boyfriend to be hot like.....Brian Sims. Brian is the first openly LGBT person to be elected to the House of Representatives in Pennsylvania. He has recently introduced legislation to ban conversion therapy against minors in Pennsylvania and has previously introduced marriage equality legislation. One of Rep. Sims' most famous quotes came after a discussion in April, 2013 on abortion when he said to the Speaker of the House, "Each of us put our hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution. We did not place our hands on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible." Some drawbacks to our getting together would be my unwillingness to relocate to Pennsylvania; ironically, my first partner's home state, as I hear the winters are a bitch. And I'd be in the spotlight as a State Representative's boyfriend, potentially campaigning for his elections. I'm a bit more shy and reserved than that role would require. And as he's even younger than my ex, that puts him on the AI list (Age Inappropriate), which I might be able to overlook, just maybe not those Pennsylvania winters.
It seems I tend to be drawn to muscly, bearish masculine men, who also come off as genuine nice guys. Yet, I have found myself attracted to men who weren't quite as muscly or as bearish. (I'm not talking about my past partners here. Neither were muscly or bearish at all.) What drew me to the not-as-muscly/bearish men was their intelligence, their passion, their confidence. And yes, I did think they were handsome.
So, now you know. I'm superficial and shallow. But, I have been drawn to a man for a variety of reasons other than his looks; intelligence, passion, creativity, confidence, compassion, to name a few. And all of those added to his overall attractiveness. But, this time I will pay a bit more attention to 'a hotness factor' in addition to those other qualities of what I want in a partner. After all, I think I deserve a partner I could salivate over and who piques a bit more than my brain. I want him for a little more of the whole package, not just for his own package.
And not just because he shows an interest in me.
That's not superficial, is it?
I think it's only natural.
For more information on Rep. Sims, click here.