Unreality Television

I don't like reality television because it isn't. It's a misnomer in that many of the scenes are staged for a desired outcome. My ex-husband loved reality television, from anything on the Home and Garden network, to watching people buy houses in foreign countries. Nothing to challenge the brain. Well, occasionally he'd watch Law and Order: SVU, and I'd get my fix of Christopher Meloni, (oh, the vapors!) but that would be about it for mentally stimulating television. For the ex.

Christopher Meloni as Chris Keller in "Oz"

 The only reality program I did watch regularly, and actually looked forward to watching was The Biggest Loser. Having lost over fifty pounds myself, I watched for inspiration and tips to stay motivated to keep the weight off.

(I should say that post-divorce, and with the stress of this school year, it's creeping back up, so I should start watching it again. Or, at least exercise more.)

I'd get caught up in the contestants' stories, pick my favorites, and be amazed at their transformations during the run of the season. But, I really loved the theme song and one part stood out for me:

What have you done today to make you feel proud? 
It's never too late to try

I loved that song for that inspirational message.

Heather's CD, Close to a Miracle, 2006

Somehow, someway, (and before the ex left) I found out the name of the song, Proud, and that it was available as a single and by an artist I'd never heard of, Heather Small. I downloaded it and discovered even more inspiration in the song:


You could be so many people 
If you make that break for freedom 
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
Still so many answers I don't know (There are so many answers) Realize that to question is how we grow (To question is to grow) 

Further research told me she was a British soul singer and this was her signature song. I also found out this song was used in both the British and US versions of Queer as Folk as well as the London Olympics. And I thought I'd discovered a new talent.

A while later, two months ago actually, I discovered her CD, Proud, (1999). I promptly downloaded it and began listening. Nearly every song said something to me.

From Holding On:

I look around and I wonder
How much pain does it take
To admit to a failure
I've made a mistake

Holding on to you is letting go of me

Obviously, this is a break up song, yet, there are many things we can hold on to.

I have come to realize I am holding on to a lot from my past, pain, hurt, anger. And holding on to all that is taking away from who I am destined to be.

From Don't look for love:

People search but they don't know what they're searching for
People work but they don't know what they're working for
People hurt but they don't know what they're hurting for
People search but they don't know what they're searching for

Don't look for love
Don't look for love; let it find you

I have decided, for now, not to put profiles on dating websites or apps as I am not one to go looking for love. I am perfectly fine to live alone, or wait until the Universe deems it the right time for someone to enter my life. In the meantime, I have a lot of baggage to unpack and questions to ask. 

I'd better get to work.

There are so many people I could be.


To hear "Proud" by Heather Small click here: