Sunday, May 26, 2013

Carts and Horses

Social media gives us glimpses into other people's lives whether it's a family member, an acquaintance, a celebrity, or someone we share something with and therefore want to connect with. I was following the adventures of one such person and surprised at how his life impacted my own.

We are both single gay male writers living on the west coast, but that's where we diverge. He has a bit more successful writing career going on, is more willing to go on dates, and lives in a different state while my writing career has just begun and I'm not interested in dating, at least for the time being.

I was following his Facebook posts, which seem to be frequent, and he would share those evenings when he was either stepping out either with friends or on a date, or simply staying in. At one point he shared that he likes to juggle about four guys at once, eventually weeding out those he just doesn't seem to connect with. My thought was "I could never do that. I'd get too connected to all of them, maybe, and then have an even bigger mess. I'd feel like I was cheating, even if we were keeping things casual." 

I guess I'm a one-man-at-a-time kind of guy.

A month or two went by and it seemed a prince emerged out of the pack. My friend was going on a third date (I must have missed the first two) with this guy who made one simple request for the evening: Please turn off the smartphone, no checking in or up on Facebook or Yelp, no Tweeting, no non-emergency phone calls, no texting. In short, Date-guy wanted my friend's undivided attention for the duration of the date.

Seems fair and reasonable.

And romantic!

My friend felt he could comply because all the other dates had gone really well and he was beginning to like this guy. But, compliance would be difficult, though he'd try.

I was beginning to like Date-guy. Here was someone who didn't seem to have Social-media-induced Attention Deficit Disorder! 

My friend's last post before disconnecting from social media for the night was something about him looking out his window and seeing Date-guy get out of his car with a bunch of red roses!

Awwwww. How sweet! 

And then panic hit me.

I could find myself in my friend's position some day.

I could meet a great guy, who wants my and gives me his undivided attention. He could really be interested in me as a person, not just as an image from some dating app. And then what next? He'd want to have sex! What if I'm not that good? What if I am? I'd have to move in with him or he with me. Would I have to sell my house? Where would we live? How do we combine two households? What furniture of mine would I get to keep? I love my dining room set even if it was a wedding present for me and the ex.

I've been accused of putting the cart before the horse, but it seems like I had this cart so far in front of the horse, they weren't even in the same county!

I guess I need just to follow the advice I got from Al-Anon, "One Day at a Time."

First, I need to get to a place where I actually want to meet someone. And take it from there.

One Day at a Time.

Btw, my friend reports the date went very well, they're scheduling the next one.
Good for him!

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