Saturday, October 20, 2012

Just Once

Just once I would like to go to sleep one night and wake up the next morning feeling refreshed, like in those television commercials and not feel like I need to go to back to sleep again to get over the sleep I thought I just had. The trouble is, I am so adjusted to my work week that my mind and body are used to waking up at the same time every day, including weekends and holidays, no matter how exhausted I am. So, I still end up stumbling ever so groggily to the bathroom at that time, and then back to bed if only for a little while, but usually I can't get back to sleep. Because, by this time, I have awakened the dog, who hates being penned up all night and starts to fidget wanting out of his run, and the cat begins to howl from downstairs, because she knows there is no food in her bowls, even though she hasn't gone to check for herself. (There's always plenty of kibble for her, but that's not what Her Highness wants.) The dog never got used to going outside for his business, so he is paper trained, and after I clean up after him, my mind has already begun thinking of all the things I need and/or want to do for the day, whether it's for school, home or personal or some combination of all three. Or my mind takes me on a journey of all the mental and emotional roller coasters I've been on lately.

For example, I knew September would be a rough month as I was preparing to release my first novel, Out of the Past. I was also in the midst of a home loan modification or refinance which had me jumping through hoops and worrying I would be declined yet AGAIN! I also had begun a new school year and I have so much to do to prepare for the year, both as a classroom teacher, and GATE (Gifted and Talented Education) Program coordinator at my school. And as a result of my financial woes, I had volunteered for a pilot program at school for a small stipend and my 40-question self-assessment was due at the end of September. No wonder I couldn't sleep!

In terms of the novel, I had no idea what I was doing and I am a man who likes to know exactly what to expect. No surprises. But, going into the editing process, I didn't know what to expect this time, and I survived. Yet, now I need to learn to market the book, and myself, which is another new unknown path for me to wonder about. Am I doing it right? I must be, the book is selling very well!

The loan papers were finally signed, the closing costs came in WAY under estimate (SURPLUS!!), and the loan was indeed funded! Now I just have to worry about not spending all the extra money frivolously. My house is ten years old, my car has 92,000+ miles, my dog is 9 and has hypothyroidism and OCD, and my cat is 15 and has hyperthyroidism and arthritis. Fortunately, I am in good physical health. But, now I have begun to look at all the little things I need (or want) to make my home mine and remove all traces of You-Know-Who, like turning his orange-colored office into a soothing reading room!! I'm thinking of a soft blue-gray.

(He had painted it orange in keeping with our elemental theme for each of the four bedrooms; earth, air, fire, water. And orange is his favorite color. I'm going with the blue-gray to keep with the fire theme; you know, ashes, after all the fire has gone out.)

The school year is off to a start, maybe not a great one, but at least it has started. I did finish my self-assessment on time, I'm just waiting for my principal to agree or disagree with me about my teaching habits. The big GATE project was postponed until mid-November as the people above the Central GATE Office haven't done their job in order for the Central GATE Office to do their job so the school GATE Coordinators can do our job. But, it will happen.

Now that it is October and most of what had been worrying me has taken care of, and I did indeed survive, and things are doing well, maybe now I can sleep and wake up feeling refreshed, if only my inner alarm clock would just turn off on weekends and holidays!

And if I stop thinking of how different my life is becoming and just let it become what it is to be.

Maybe then I can sleep in more.

Just once, at least.


  1. Sleep, sleep, my kingdom for a good night's sleep! If I had the answer right now, Jeff, I'd share! I'll try counting sheep and let you know!

    1. It was suggested to me to try and wiggle your my toes as I counted each one. This would force my mind to something less stressful and eventually I would drift off to sleep. I do fall asleep, I am just exhausted by mid-morning.