Thursday, July 28, 2011
Or so I thought.
My life has been anything but neat, ordered and tidy since the divorce. I have been on an emotional roller coaster, moments of anger, frustration, panic, sadness, hurt and lately; peace, tranquility and happiness. I have faced financial upheaval, learning to do without certain amenities. I have made decisions I would rather not have had to make, like looking for a roommate; but through it all I've discovered a person I have missed, ME! I remember being a fun person, enjoying myself. When and where I lost that part of me, I don't know.
I recently attended a party where the only person I knew was the host who very graciously suggested I invite a friend or two, so I would know some other people to lessen my uncomfortableness. I did invite one friend, but at the last minute she could not accompany me. I ended up having a wonderful time, met a great group of people, and learned to just be me. Still, it was a little daunting, this being my first party in a long, long time; but now I know I can do it again. It was a first step, I'll need a second, and a third...
I'm still discovering me, and will continue to for a long, long time. In fact, I hope I never stop. I'm uncovering the hurts of my past and learning how to address them to let go. I'm rediscovering the strengths of my past in order to lean on them to get through a tangle in the present. There will be incidents which will trigger a hurt from the past, but then I must realize the present is not the past, it is NOW. And I must look to the strength of the past to deal with the incident in the present and move on. There will be future parties, social events, and eventually, dating. All of these will continue to lead me along the path of self-discovery, complete with knots and tangles. But I have the skills, and have had all along, to untie the Ropes of Life.
So, life isn't neat, ordered and tidy as we would like to think. It's more wild and untamed like Catalina Island and the sea behind the ropes, waiting to be explored and savored like a new restaurant, or a city you've never visited. It can be scary, but exhilarating at the same time.
Now, there's a little Honduran restaurant I've been dying to try. (Maybe after payday!) And I'm off to plan a trip to.....Rome? Buenos Aires? Boston?
And, all this talk of rope has given me an urge to watch an Alfred Hitchcock movie.
Oh, with regards to the photo, I was also drawn to the varied textures... the land, the sea, the rope, the wood. And the different shapes... the vertical lines, the ovals of the ropes, the coils and twists within the ropes, and the ripples of the waves.