A Stranger's Fear

I had a strange, unsettling experience the other day.

It was payday and I needed to buy groceries.

As I approached the door to one of the stores I frequent, I encountered an elderly woman also entering. I stepped to the side and gestured to let her enter first. She smiled and thanked me.

She was wearing something similar,
just not so elegant.

She had short curly salt and pepper hair with a tad more salt than pepper. She was short and leaning on a cart for support. Her facial features and clothing had a foreign appearance which reminded me of other south Asian women I’ve seen. As we meandered through the store each doing our own shopping, our paths criss-crossed a couple of times. 

Our next-to-last encounter is what prompted this post.

I was looking for something in the dairy section. I had my cart close to me and the cooler because to my right was a stocking cart for the dairy section making the aisle somewhat narrow. I felt a tap of something on my hip and turned around to find the woman looking at me with sheer fear in her eyes. “I’m so sorry!” she said. “It was an accident! I didn’t mean to!” She had bumped me with her cart.

The terror in her eyes and her face told me a lot more. She was terrified of my potential reaction.

These days, with people so prone to overreacting, I understood where she might be coming from, especially if she were an immigrant, as I suspected, as well as being a senior citizen as seniors are seen as being vulnerable. Especially senior women.

My empathy took over. It was merely a tap in a crowded grocery aisle. I wasn’t in pain. I didn’t fall. I did what I could to alleviate her fears, telling her that everything was okay. I wasn’t angry, hurt or anything. It wasn’t her fault. I even gently placed my hand on her shoulder in (hopefully) a reassuring and respectful way. Then I wished her a nice day and moved on.

Our paths crossed one final time at the check out. I hoped to catch her eye to smile once more, hopefully to continue to reassure her, but wasn’t able to. 

I think I was more upset that she perceived she might be accused of something, that I might blow this out of proportion. Yet, she drew on her background and the past experiences she carries with her and spontaneously reacted. I can’t fault her for that. It also bothers me that whatever she's experienced in the past drove her to react as she did. Also, she didn’t know me and how I might perceive this incident even after our prior meeting at the front door. After all, people can be so litigious.

I hope her day was a good one after that.

I’ll work on letting my own emotions settle.

But, like these waves, it may take some time.

Catalina Island, Pacific Side
Photo courtesy Jeffrey Ballam