Thursday, January 7, 2016
I don't necessarily mean traffic signs, though I do pay attention to them, but other signs. Like from the Universe.
Sometimes, I notice the first image I wake up with thinking it's an image from a dream, and I try to recall the image so I can remember the dream. Or, maybe I think it's some kind of message from my subconscious for me to be aware of throughout the day, some kind of inspiration or lesson to watch for. Or, possibly it's some deep emotional epiphany that simply surfaced subconsciously during the night and needs to be addressed.
More often than not, it is a song, an earworm. So, I listen to it to see if there is a message in there for me, or if it's maybe just one of my newest favorites stuck on repeat in my head.
The other day I woke up to the image of a piñata. Could I have dreamed about one? Possibly, but what would it mean? I usually don't remember my dreams anyway.
So, I sat with it, and let the image refocus itself. It wasn't a piñata at the beginning of a party, but at the end.
And then I understood the significance of the vision. The recent emotional turmoil I've been experiencing has left me feeling like I'd been hit over and over from all sides until I realized I was the piñata at the end of the party, all battered and broken with my insides spilling all over the floor ready to be picked over.
(Note to my readers unfamiliar with a piñata: It is a hollow papier-mâché figure filled with sweets. It is usually part of birthdays or other celebrations where it is hung by a rope and party guests take turns being blindfolded and try to hit it with a stick until it breaks and the sweets fall to the ground, only to be gobbled up by the vulturous party goers.)
I recently terminated therapy with a counselor because I was leaving the sessions feeling worse about myself than when I arrived. While he claims he was challenging me to look deeper into myself and my current situation, his methods began leaving me feeling like he was drilling for oil in the North Sea, digging far deeper and faster than I was ready to go, questioning nearly my every motive to remain in a relationship he felt was unworthy of me, and wondering why I wasn't following his advice as soon as I possibly could.
I also had some well-meaning friends offer advice and opinions over said relationship that didn't quite produce the results they had hoped. It ended up leaving me a bit guarded and protective of myself and I'm seriously considering keeping any future potential relationship a very closely guarded secret until I feel the time is right to introduce him and subject myself to the possible haranguing by my friends.
This most recent relationship was indeed very challenging and multi-faceted, but it recently came crashing to a disastrous end, possibly leaving the friendship in tattered remnants.
And all of this came beating down on me in the last three months to the point where I felt the Universe may have been conspiring against me.
But, unlike that poor piñata, I can piece myself back together. I can gather all my inner turmoil and allow it to settle itself into place, sort itself out and move on.
Seems like I'm becoming quite good at it, as exhausting as it is...over and over.
Then there are those times I'd really rather not piece myself together as I suspect that somewhere down the road I'll be doing it yet again.
I don't really think the Universe is conspiring against me, but trying to teach me something, and prepare me for something sometime down the road.
I guess I'll just have to wait and see. And try and avoid becoming a piñata, again.
For a detailed and quite surprising history of the piñata, click here.