I'll be debt free soon.
Except for my mortgage, that is.
I'm watching my progress on my dashboard at the debt management program's website where I'm enrolled. While I am embarrassed to state how much I owed before, I am proud to say I have paid off 96% of that debt. One more account will be paid off in a month, and the last one the month after that. Visually I can see the progress as they show a bar graph with one bar showing what I owed when I started, and the second one showing what I currently owe. I love watching that second one shrink! I often check in on the website just to give myself a boost when I'm having a rough day.
I share my progress with some very close friends who congratulate me and I beam with pride, yet I can't quite internalize what I've accomplished even though I'm watching my progress.
And yet, I'm writing down lists of things I need or want to accomplish, once I am no longer sending that payment.
I need to:
- clean or replace the upstairs carpeting;
- replace the dishwasher and stove;
- redo the front flowerbeds and back garden;
- buy new pots to transpot my houseplants;
- attend to small household repairs;
- rebuild my savings.
- continue to make my mark on my house with artwork and other furnishings that reflect me;
- replace the curtains in my office as they're faded and need replacing;
- replace the curtains in the guest room to match the other drapes upstairs as I have a theme going;
- replace the living room sofa as my dogs ruined it;
- replace my camera;
- replace my laptop;
- update my wardrobe by replacing the clothes that are worn out or stained;
- live a little! Okay, maybe live a lot!
I think the fact that I can't feel good about the success is a bigger issue. And that's not so good.
I think that comes from never feeling good about my successes before, because they were never acknowledged for what they were, "Very good, but you can do better."
I just don't know how I can do better than paying off all this debt. On my own.
Well, I can do better by learning to better live within the means I will have, while making the necessary purchases I need and want, yet not all at once. And by truly asking myself if it is a 'need' or a 'want' and if it's a 'want', can I live without it? Then act accordingly.
I can also do better by taking time to just sit with the emotion I get when I start to see what I make of my house and as I see my bank accounts grow. In other words, as I make each repair or purchase, just sit and reflect on the fact that now I can do it, I can make the necessary repairs, or desired purchases.
And then appreciate it.
I'll just take it one step at a time.