Friday, December 20, 2013

Take A Chance on Me

I love ABBA, I admit it. I grew up in the disco era, and their music called to me! Maybe it was a foreshadowing of my time spent in the gay dance clubs? Who knows. One of my biggest regrets is not getting to see them in concert, but since they never toured North America, I can hardly find fault in that.

One of their earlier songs, Take a Chance on Me, (January 1978) comes to mind right now. It's a song between two people where one is asking the other to take a chance and consider him/her for a relationship. Sounds a bit like begging, I know. 

"If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown, take a chance on me."

But, I'm seeing it in a different way.

I took a chance on myself. 

As I'd posted before, I signed up on an online spiritual dating site in spite of my feelings about online dating in general. I am learning to be 'in the moment' and that's what I did. I stated in my profile I was looking for friends first, as I believe the best long-term relationships start from a friendship and take time to grow into something more. But, men react to a physical attraction as well. So, how does this all play into my beliefs? I don't know, I'm so confused. 

Anyway, I took a chance and sent a message to a guy I found attractive.  There was something in his eyes I liked, and his profile sounded nice. An honesty. And he was handsome.

He replied saying he thought we had something in common and we agreed to meet within the week, then the date was postponed to the following weekend and now that gave me an extra week to build things up in my mind. A very bad habit I need to break. This became an opportunity for me to seriously force myself back into the present moment, and not think ahead.

We finally met, and we had a nice time walking and talking. We were relaxed with each other, very comfortable. I wasn't sensing any pretense on his part, nor was I consciously showing any. When it came time to part ways, I gave him a hug, and suggested we get together again. He agreed. 

Via email, we set up a second meeting or would this be an actual date? Was the first meeting an actual date? Or just a meeting to test the waters? I'm so confused. In my mind they both were dates. 

After our first meeting or date, my mind went into overdrive. I liked him, we were somewhat compatible, yet there were some things I knew could become challenges in anything long term. Maybe we were destined to be friends, only. I was still determined to learn to let it be.

Yet, on our first date while sitting on the park bench talking, I began thinking about things more physical. Yes, I admit it, I was entertaining nasty thoughts, while still thinking there's something missing here. How can I justify having those randy thoughts while suspecting he might not be THE ONE? I became even more determined to let it be and just be in the moment.

Our second date went well, he was willing to play it by ear as I had a service technician coming to my house sometime the morning of the second date. I'd call or text him when I'd be on my way. The technician arrived, finished his job and went on his way in the first hour of the time window the office quoted me. I sent an email suggesting we just meet at 1:00 at the restaurant and go from there. He agreed. What a great guy!

After meeting, having a nice lunch and another walk and talk, we parted ways. I suggested another date, a hike to a spot on a hill to take in some nature; he thought it would be a nice outing. 

All this time, I was determined to let things be, and just let the situation play itself out. The big step of what about the physical component of any relationship was weighing on my mind. Was I attracted to him enough to 'do it'? Did I want to because he was interested and therefore convenient?  What was this gnawing in my gut that something was off? 

Well, there won't be a third date, after all. It seems he doesn't feel we have enough of a 'connection'. He decided that, even though we have some things in common and are comfortable with each other, there's not enough of a connection to pursue anything more serious. I am very grateful for the opportunity to have met him, and appreciate his honesty. 

Yet, maybe there's enough of a connection for a platonic friendship, I suggested. But, even that felt like I was stretching things.

Maybe that was the gnawing in my gut, I wasn't feeling enough of a possible romantic connection.

I was drawn to him for a reason, now I need to find out why.

At the least, I took a chance on myself and stepped out a bit. And I enjoyed my time with him.

Maybe that's it. 

Keep taking chances on myself. 

At some point, it will pay off.
ABBA at the Mamma Mia movie premiere in Stockholm, Sweden.


  1. Oh my, I spent five minutes writing a super long comment and it didn't post! So, to be brief, good for you for stepping out. Ask yourself: did you join a dating site to meet someone special, or for a hook up? And though looks matter, they don't always; sometimes a man's personality can overshadow everything about his looks. Keep it up, Jeff, you'll find the right guy. :)

    1. Thank you, Sean for reading and commenting, twice!! I joined the site in the spirit of being 'in the moment.' It was spontaneous. I wasn't looking for a hookup. I was looking to step out and start living a life whether the men I met became friends only or something more. You are so correct, looks do matter, but personality is better. This time, I am hoping to find the right combination of both.

      And yes, he is out there. Somewhere. (Now that song is stuck in my head!)