Trees

Several years ago I made a New Year’s Resolution not to make any resolutions. They are difficult to keep much past the first week, let alone the first month. Well, for me anyway. Yes, I know it has to do with making them attainable, incremental, and not to punish yourself for slipping up. As my Weight Watchers leader would say quite frequently, “You don’t total the car for simply denting the fender.” 

Instead, I simply try to live better. With the emphasis on try. That includes nutrition, exercise, weight management, etc. All the big ones. I don’t smoke and rarely have alcohol, so those don’t count.

And I’ve added a new one, being mindful or being present.

As I’ve said before, I have hypertension and that can complicate things with Covid-19 and other health related issues. So, I try to keep myself as grounded and centered as I can to avoid raising my blood pressure. It’s not easy these days.

I think I’ve posted before that on my morning walks, I listen to my favorite music and focus on the lyrics. I have a mental sing-along in my head. I’d hate to scare any other walkers with my singing voice as the only way I can carry a tune is by transporting sheet music. Lately, I’ve discovered audiobooks, but being a visual person, I still prefer to read a book before I listen to it. So, I listen to some old favorites. I just completed a Harry Potter marathon, books 3-7. I haven’t downloaded the first two yet.

But, one thing I have also noticed lately, is that I’ve been focusing more on the trees in my neighborhood as they seem to be calling out to me. I wondered what they could be saying. Besides, it keeps my attention on them instead of the troubling thoughts galloping around in my head.

I find myself entranced by the simple elegance of a naked tree. We get to see that part of the tree we take for granted; the branches. We forget they’re there when the tree is in leaf. Now, we can see the network of branches within the canopy, months before invisible to our eyes.

The shedding of the leaves also reminds me of the invisible support we all have. Just as the branches support the leaves of the tree, we have a support system we sometimes take for granted. For some, it is their network of family and friends. For others, it consists of their higher power, their intuition, the Universe/Spirit/God plus their network of family and friends.

To see a tree standing there in all its uncovered beauty is to see a miracle of nature. We don’t get to see what the tree is truly doing deep inside. It has shed what it no longer needs in order to prepare for the new.

Can we do that? Often we purge what we don’t need in the material sense, yet turn around and acquire more. But, can we purge ourselves of the memories we no longer need? Can we rid ourselves of the triggers that set off those painful emotions? Can we control the thoughts that trespass in our heads creating scenarios that might not exist, therefore adding to our anxiety and/or depression?

Then I turn around and see the evergreens; the pines, the cypress, the ficus and assorted palms so prominent here in my neighborhood. They stand tall, often above the rest. Proudly grounded, deeply rooted in the earth, yet swaying in the breeze, their greenness helping them stand out against the blue sky and their naked cousins.

On today’s walk, what truly struck me was the juxtaposition of the deciduous with the evergreens. One so vulnerable and exposed, shedding the old to prepare for the new and the other deeply grounded in remaining true to its nature.

That has become my newest quasi-resolution:

I will try my best to shed what no longer serves me, to prepare for the new while remaining true to my nature. And standing tall.

All thanks to the trees.

I guess they were talking to me.

It seems I was listening.

All photos courtesy of Jeff Ballam.

Resolutions and Reflections

As I sit here in the early morning hours of December 31, at 4:30 a.m. to be exact, wondering why, once again, I cannot sleep as I've been awake since 2:30ish, I find myself looking back on this year.

And in contemplation of the next one.

Which brings up the traditional idea of New Year's Resolutions.

Surprise! I don't make any.

I stopped making them when I realized I never kept them. Not keeping them eroded my self-esteem, because I berated myself for failing. So, one year I resolved never to make any again. Does that mean I don't seek to improve myself in the coming year? No. I will make an effort to continue to improve myself, to walk down a healthier path, be it better eating, better attempts at exercise, etc. All I attempt to do is to be better. Which I think is easier than resolving to eliminate a bad habit.

2018 was the first full calendar year since my retirement. It's been interesting. I wanted to read more, I didn't. I wanted to write more, I sort of did. I wanted to exercise more, I didn't. I wanted to decompress from thirty-four-and-a-half years of teaching, I think I'm there. And maybe that was what I needed 2018 to be.

But, now it might be time to find a direction, something to do, to occupy my time, as well as my mind, as well as add to my wallet.

I am also reflecting back on 2018 as it has been an interesting year, both personally and politically. I'm not here to discuss the latter only the former.

This was the year I contemplated a roommate and had one actually which turned into a disaster. But, that was more based on the individual than the situation. No, not all roommates would be that difficult. But, I learned how challenging it would be to live with someone after eight years alone.

This was the year I began purging my house of anything I no longer needed, used or had seen within a year. So, I'm learning to downsize. 

This was the year I discovered the Tarot. I've discovered my readings are somewhat accurate which has been something new to wrap my head around. I'm trying not to be overly-analytical and wonder why they are so accurate, but simply accepting that they are. Letting go of this analytical stuff is hard for an Aquarian with a heavy dose of Libra in his astrological chart. Both signs are a bit guilty of overthinking and having the double dose is like being stuck in a mental maze with only a narrow escape route. So, I am learning I can stop overthinking.

This was the year I opened up to my intuition. Where this path will take me, who knows? I'll just be open to what it may bring. What else can I do? Maybe the cards will say. So, I am learning to trust myself.

This was the year I found more of my spiritual tribe. I've found people who understand where I am coming from and can sympathize, or even empathize, with me. These are people who encourage me along this path as they are walking some part of it, too. So, I am learning to socialize.

This was the year I reconnected with someone who has and will continue to play an important part in my life, but to what end, I can only speculate. I will confess, I've looked into the cards regarding this relationship, and they indicate it's promising, but that time will be a factor. Meaning, this will need some time to fully bloom due to where both of us are coming from. So, I am learning to trust someone else and open my heart, bit by bit.

As I look into the beginnings of 2019, which numerologically, is a Universal Year of 3. (To find the Universal Year, we add the digits to one single digit; 2+0+1+9=12, 1+2=3.) Three is the number of the trinity, of creation and therefore creativity. With creativity comes communication, as artists use their creativity to communicate their truths. This is a year for all of us to communicate our truth, once we find it.

As I look into a new year where I resolve to not make resolutions, I recall this t-shirt I bought a while ago. I think this sums up what I want to practice in 2019 and beyond:

Oh, yes, and I want to read more, write more and photograph more.