The Queen of Happy Elephants

I felt guided to share this particularly interesting reading.

Every morning I pull a card from three different decks to give me something to think about during the day. I draw one card from

• the standard Rider-Waite Tarot deck,
• Steven Farmer’s Power Animals Oracle and
• the Universe Has Your Back deck by Gabrielle Bernstein.

The reading the other day was quite interesting for a couple of reasons.

As I do this nearly every morning and due to the odds of the different decks, I anticipate a different card each day. But, I was surprised to pull the Queen of Wands twice in a row. And she came up reversed both times! Now, before you start saying she just stayed on the top of the deck from the day before so it’s just a repeat, I will poo-poo that notion right here and now. After each reading, I shuffle the card back into the deck before returning it to the box. Sometime in the afternoon, I will do a practice reading which means I am shuffling and cutting the deck again. After that reading, I shuffle the deck once more before returning the deck to the box. Then, I shuffle the deck 3-4 times and cut it before the reading the next morning. So, the deck was thoroughly shuffled and cut before the next day’s reading. Obviously, this Queen had something to say if she pushed her way back to the top of the deck. But what exactly? And why was she reversed both times?

In an upright position, the Queen of Wands represents the energy of someone charismatic, passionate about life and cheerful; she knows what she wants and sets out to get it. She speaks her mind, and lives her truth. The reversal would indicate her energy isn’t in full force in my life right now, but I’m possibly coming into it, stepping out of my shell a bit. The fact she came up reversed twice in a row, in spite of all the shuffling and cutting, would echo the fact she’s pushing her way into my life, if I let her. I mean, it’s not a bad lesson to learn.

Now, let’s look at the other cards.

From the Power Animals I drew Elephant. His message was “Resolve: You will overcome any obstacles.” The back of the card says to move forward without letting anything get in the way of your heart’s desire. I mean what would get in the way of an elephant? Besides, fear. My own fear. Of my goals. My own fear of being judged or others’s disapproval. I must also learn not only to speak, but live my truth. And have fun along the way! Hmm, good points, all of them.

The third card read “Happiness is my birthright.” I think that is a given even if we don’t always believe it or believe we are not worthy of it. I don’t think that the Divine Source of the Universal Gods and Goddesses really wants us to be unhappy. And if we are indeed unhappy, then we are responsible for changing our own circumstances to become happy.

Let’s piece this together: the Queen of Wands twice reversed is strongly suggesting I might not be at my best right now, that I’m not as passionate about living life as I could be, and I should take a more active role in life; while Elephant is suggesting not to let anything get in my way of my dreams and goals, to let go of fears, to live and speak my truth which reinforces the Queen about being more active and ultimately that will all lead me to my birthright, Happiness.

I’m going to take Elephant’s message about living and speaking my truth to also include writing. So, this blog will be more about my truth, which it always has been. Now, maybe I’ll go deeper into it.

So, beware! 

The Queen of Happy Elephants has spoken!

So mote it be! 

The Hero or The Fool?

As an author, I try to be aware of literary themes in my Works in Progress. (One day, they’ll be finished!)

As a teacher, I also tried to teach them. One of the most common literary themes is the Hero’s Journey. 

You know the one; where after much persuasion, the usually reluctant, disbelieving Hero sets off on some apparently insurmountable quest/mission that only our Hero can solve. Along the way, our Hero ends up meeting predictable characters-the mentor who always dies leaving the Hero to go on alone; the sidekick who acts as the Hero's conscience; the antagonist who tries to stop the Hero. There might be some other colorful characters along the way. The Hero continues on to ultimately discover his or her strength was there all along, just buried deep inside, then returns home victorious, only to set off on the sequel a little while later.

Prime examples of such heroes are Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, Bilbo and Frodo Baggins from The Hobbit/Lord of the Rings, Luke Skywalker in the Star Wars franchise, and, my personal favorite, Harry Potter in his series.

It’s tried and true, and it can be seen in our life as well.

After all, I’ve titled my blog, “Jeff’s Journey.” It’s my journey through my life back into myself after a surprise divorce. While I don’t see my journey as insurmountable, I see that it parallels the Hero’s Journey so often seen in literature. I was reluctantly divorced, I've met a few mentors/guides along the way who, to the best of my knowledge, haven’t died. There have been a few sidekicks along the way acting as my conscience, giving me courage to face the future as bleak as I felt it was at that moment. I've fallen into the abyss of the trials and tribulations that rose up along the way forcing me to look inward and recognize my own strength that has been there all along. So, I guess that makes me the Hero of my own journey.

I’ve also recently posted about my interest in the Tarot, where I've found a very surprising parallel.

But, first some background.

The Tarot deck is comprised of two main parts; the Major Arcana and the Minor Arcana. Due to their imagery, the cards in the Major Arcana represent very broad, spiritual, archetypal people and lessons we might encounter in life. The Minor Arcana may duplicate those lessons but in a more mundane, day-to-day approach. A couple of noted psychiatrists, Carl Jung among them, agreed that the images and the order of the Major cards could be interpreted to represent those archetypal moments in our life’s journey. (As a teacher, I think of the Major Arcana as my lesson’s standard of instruction-what am I supposed to learn-while the Minor Arcana cards are the goals and objectives clarifying the standard-how I am supposed to meet the standard.) 

I mean, what’s more archetypal than the Empress to represent a mother; the card depicts a woman reclining on a throne, surrounded by plants-some of which have been harvested, her gown covered in Pomegranates-the ultimate seed of fertility-making her the epitome of the ultimate mother, Mother Earth; or the Tower card-a structure being struck by lightning and people falling out of it-to represent those moments in life which shake us to our very foundation, thereby giving us the opportunity to build again, maybe firming up the foundation this time. Or, the Fool-a young person carrying his possessions in a sack tied to a stick, taking a step forward as if out to seek his fortune, accompanied by his faithful companion, a dog. The Fool is said to represent new beginnings, innocence, a journey-either physical or spiritual. 

I see comparisons between the Hero and the Fool.

I’ve gone through the Major Arcana and tried to attach the cards to people and events in my life post-divorce. While I have not been able to connect all the cards to something or someone, I feel mostly successful. (The Devil, in particular, is giving me the fits-obsession, materialism, addiction, none of those seem to resonate.) Let’s start with the obvious; my divorce. That is definitely a Tower moment-it came out of nowhere (I wasn’t expecting it, it shook me to my very core and I have rebuilt myself stronger than I was) thus setting me off on this journey. The therapists would be a combination of the Magician and the High Priestess-helping me to balance myself both spiritually and emotionally by seeking outside knowledge and guidance (Magician) and inner serenity (High Priestess). My mother is the Empress, for being there for me. The Hierophant is the legal system overseeing the divorce process. The Lovers could represent my redefining what I seek in a new relationship or those men I dated, albeit briefly, who represented that aspect of my new life.

I could go on, but twenty-two cards could get boring. But, I think you get the picture.

But, wait, indulge me one more-the Fool. 

Well, that’s me, obviously.

So, I am both the Fool and the Hero of the same journey.

My journey.

So, does this make me a heroic Fool or a foolish Hero?

Maybe it makes me me.

A little of both.

Harry Potter as the Magician
The Harry Potter Tarot

Harry Potter Tarot original artwork by Eleonore Pieper, used with permission
For more of her Harry Potter artwork and other works, please visit her page at
https://ellygator.deviantart.com/

Huh?

I am not sure I heard what I think I just heard.

A colleague just wished her most profound hope for me.

She hopes I can get to a point where I entertain the thought of exploring a relationship with the possibility of getting married again.

WTF?

What was that? Did I hear you right?

You hope I will get married again.

I see.

But a few years ago, you said with heartfelt conviction, as you pointed heavenward, you believed marriage was a God-given sacrament reserved for one man and one woman.

And now you are hoping I will entertain the thought of a relationship with the possibility of getting married again.

To another man.

I am floored.

Deeply touched, honored and moved; yet floored.

We had been discussing the end-of-schoolyear frustrations when we segued into our end-of-career aspirations. I explained that, due to my personal post-divorce financial collapse, my financial adviser suggested I not retire due to my soon-to-be-fixed income and projected inflation rates, unless I found another source of income. My colleague, who I should say is recently married, suggested (for about the umpteenth time)that I get a roommate, "you have such a big house, and don't you live near a college?"

The thought of someone I don't know in my house when I'm not there was enough to send shivers down my spine and I told her so. And I was visibly upset as well, as I literally shivered as I explained myself. Yes, literally.

Then she expressed her hope. And it took a minute or two to realize I heard her use the 'm' word, "married."

About four years ago, when the topic of same-sex marriage came up, she went ballistic and expressed her very religious convictions about marriage being reserved by God for one man/one woman. This astounded me as she had always been on my side once she'd heard of my divorce; "You're too good for him", "He doesn't deserve you", "You have a lot to offer the right guy".  Once, she even told me she dreamed I brought my very handsome, also-writer husband to a staff retreat. She would occasionally ask if I was seeing anyone and I would confide in her I had several issues to overcome before I felt comfortable entering the shark-infested gay dating pool. And yet, her recent use of the 'm' word, in regards to her hope for me, signaled a very big change from the last time we'd discussed the topic of same-sex marriage. I remember those earlier comments, and then her follow-up, "It's nothing personal." And my retort, "You just made it personal" as I stormed off to my classroom to prepare for the day ahead just as the office manager had entered the room due to our raised voices. 

And now she hopes I will entertain the thought of marrying again.

I'm deeply touched. 

I guess attitudes can change.

And sometimes we may never know why, or what caused them to change.

And I guess that's okay.

Prop. 8, DOMA and Me

Last week was a monumentous week for LGBT rights.

I mean monumental. Huge, bigger than huge!

After I forget how many years, the Supreme Court of the United States, SCOTUS, ruled on two separate issues regarding marriage equality: the Defense of Marriage Act, which prohibited the US Federal Government from recognizing same-sex couples thereby denying them benefits heterosexual couples receive automatically upon marriage; and Proposition 8 which, in California, defined marriage as between one man and one woman. In a nutshell SCOTUS struck them both down which meant we were equal. We were first class citizens in the eyes of the law. Effects were immediate. Within an hour of the decision, a Federal judge halted the deportation of the legally married-but-only-in-their-home-state non-US-citizen husband of a gay US citizen, just hours before he was to board the plane.

Also, marriage equality returned to California after five years making it the newest state in the Union to recognize same-sex couples. In a surprise, but welcomed move, the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals lifted the stay that prohibited same-sex marriages from happening while the case wound its way through the court system. Normally the Appeals Court waits twenty-five days for the SCOTUS decision to become final. They did not. They waited two.

Rallies were planned for all over the state regardless of the outcomes. With the decisions expected anywhere from Monday June 24 on, the rally dates kept changing. When they finally were announced on Wednesday, June 26, two days before Stonewall Day, social media exploded.



I was nervous anticipating the results. Having been same-sex married, and now same-sex divorced, I wanted equality for my brothers and sisters. I wanted to be seen as equal as my straight counterparts. Should I ever decide to marry again, I wanted those same tax benefits, and all the other 1100+ rights that come along specifically with the "M" word. I didn't want to be part of, in the words of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, "a skim milk marriage." I wanted a real one. With all the fat.

For Possible Decision Day No. 1, I got up, tuned into a live feed from the Supreme Court and read the feed. Nothing. I did the same thing for Possible Decision Day No. 2, and nothing again. But, the feed said all remaining decisions would be announced on Definite Decision Day No. 3. And when the decisions were finally announced, I felt nothing. I did not cry with joy,  I did not scream with happiness, I did nothing. Oh, I messaged a friend the news, tweeted a couple of things and went on with my day.

Okay, I did react. Yes, I was happy to finally be equal, but I did not feel happy.

My friend said I should go to the rally in West Hollywood. He said I should go celebrate. No, he thought I needed to celebrate. I told him I'd think about it.

In the end, I stayed home and dusted.

I was still recovering from a bad week with my ex over the unexpected passing of our my dog. Yes, technically he was our dog; we got him, we trained him, we loved him. However, my ex left him. My ex is now moving across the country with his new boyfriend and had already said his goodbyes to Mufasa. I feel that makes Mufasa now mine. I nursed him out of his depression after my ex left, I took him to the vet when he was ill, I fed him and gave him his medications, I finally got him partially housebroken and cleaned up after him when he forgot. I was the one who watched him take his last breath, I was the one who surrendered him to be cremated, I was the one who collected the remains. Even though he'd already said his goodbyes, I kept my ex in the loop that last week. I kept him abreast of the prognosis and the doctor's reports. When I told my ex that Mufasa had ultimately died, he expressed condolences for our loss. And then he made it very clear he was not going to help with any addtional money beyond his usual support. From there the discussion deteriorated.

Perhaps the SCOTUS decisions were all too soon. Maybe the coincidence of  it all happening at once was overwhelming. The tragedy of unexpectedly losing my sweet Mufasa, the argument with the ex and my reactions to and thoughts of it all so fresh in my heart and mind that I could not appreciate and internalize the magnitude of the SCOTUS decisions that granted us equality. I just don't feel it. Maybe, I'm just soured on the idea of relationships at the moment to take it all in.

And yet, I appreciate the fact that history was made this week.

We are EQUAL at last.

At least in some states and in the eyes of the Federal Government.

And, it's only just beginning!

And in time, I'll come to internalize it.